zeitgeist

Being In The Twilight Zone

2007-09-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

I've been out of Manila Times since May and it's been great. My stay with that company has been drastically shortened by two weeks with shit that went down between me, my ex-boss Mike and his Hell's spawn of an assistant Arabel. That's a story that I'll reserve for some other time.

Since June, I've settled back into vampire mode with my new job at Branders. That's right, I'm back in the night shift world although my work now is about 10 millions miles away from your regular, run-of-the-mill call center job. Although my work involves being on the phone most of the time, I go by my own schedule. And best of all, where would you find a company that lists catered employee meals (read my lips -- it's all for free!) as part of their employee benefits?!?

It's been a real sweet life for the past couple of months and was very much looking forward to the next year or two. Midday Wednesday while I was sound asleep, my mom woke me up for a phone call. I was still too groggy to be totally pissed but I took the call anyway.

On the other line was a guy telling me about an online exam I have to be in Saturday afternoon. My jaw almost dropped to the floor when he introduced himself as an FAO staff member. He adds that I'm qualified for the Programme Clerk position I applied for almost 6 months ago. At the time that I submitted my application to the Food and Agricultural Organization of the United Nations, I didn't receive any confirmation whatsoever from them so i thought I didn't make the cut and gave up on it.

Now, I'm on the brink of freaking out and I'm trying to control it by reading up as much as I can about the FAO. I have no clue as to what questions would be asked of me on the exam and the best that I could do is to prepare.

I don't know what's going to happen next but I hope that it'll work out for the best. Whether I move on to another job and another routine or continue with the one that I have now, I'd still be very happy. Branders has been very good me since day one and I wouldn't mind staying.

Pulling Away

2007-05-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

2 May 2007

It’s just you and me now
Not a single soul in sight
You’re pulling away again now
And that’s something baby
That I just don’t understand
You say you’re not big now
On little displays of affection
Things that lovers do

It’s just you and me now
Not a single soul in sight
You’re pulling away again now
And it’s got me thinking
If maybe I did something wrong
Forego this silence my dear
And let me know everything
All that you have to say

It’s just you and me now
Not a single soul in sight
You’re pulling away again now
And I’m left here wondering
Sitting numbly with disbelief
If maybe this could be
Your way of telling me
You’re letting me go now

It’s just you and me now
Not a single soul in sight
You’re pulling away again now
And I’m going out of my mind
Pondering if it’s just me
Or if you’re still not over her
If I’m merely imagining
All these things in my head now

It’s just you and me now
Not a single soul in sight
You’re pulling away again now
And I wish that you’d just hold me
My darling on this restless night
Let me know everything’s ok
Even though it may be a lie
Or that this might be the last

Grow

2007-04-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

26 April 2007

There was a time sometime ago
When I believed in fairy tales
Of gallant knights galloping about
Always riding into the sunset
Dragons slayed and conquered lands
Princesses in fancy ball gowns
That was a lifetime ago
So far removed from me now

And I’ve grown up
Though I don’t know
If I’ve grown wise
And I’ve grown so big and tall
Though I still don’t know
If I’ve grown strong
If I’ve really grown up
Or merely grew old

There was a time sometime ago
When I would wish for love
And love indeed came to me
But several times it flew away
Taking with it everything of me
Now I pray for love never to return
The gaping hole in my heart
I proudly parade as badge of my naivete

And I’ve grown up
Though I don’t know
If I’ve grown wise
And I’ve grown so big and tall
Though I still don’t know
If I’ve grown strong
If I’ve really grown up
Or merely grew old

I stand in the mirror and see
What the years have made of me
Looking at the woman I am now
And the girl that I was
Twinkle in the eyes are gone
Face ravaged, a broken smile
Disappointments and regrets
Seething from beneath

And I’ve grown up
Though I don’t know
If I’ve grown wise
And I’ve grown so big and tall
Though I still don’t know
If I’ve grown strong
If I’ve really grown up
Or merely grew old

Untitled Poetry 2

2007-04-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

26 April 2007

Sitting here with Tori Amos in my ears
She reminds me of the melancholy
I have over you, do you know?
Told everybody I’m just being a friend
Now that I’ve gone in deep and fast
Walls you built keep closing in on me
When’d you become this aloof?
How can you stay so cool?

We both know what lies ahead
People who might say we ain’t right
People who will say anything
You say you’re only being careful
Why listen to and worry about them?
Let down your guard, my dear
And just hold me close tonight
And let me see the you that you hide so well

This can’t be worth all this pain
I’ve harbored inside this frail, shambling heart
Walk away, I’ve thought so many times
So weak over you have I become
I cower and let you take away
Another piece of my heart bit by bit
A smile on my face permanently etched
With which to fool you, fool me

We both know what lies ahead
People who might say we ain’t right
People who will say anything
You say you’re only being careful
Why listen to and worry about them?
Let down your guard, my dear
And just hold me close tonight
And let me see the you that you hide so well

I’ve bared to you everything of me
Yet you haven’t fully shown me yours
Hide beneath the simplicity of your complexity
Throwing me a story or two
Let them say what they want to say
Let down your guard, my dear
And just hold me close tonight
And let me see the you that you hide so well

We both know what lies ahead
People who might say we ain’t right
People who will say anything
You say you’re only being careful
Why listen to and worry about them?
Let down your guard, my dear
And just hold me close tonight
And let me see the you that you hide so well

Untitled

2007-01-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

I stare at your face
And look you in the eye
Out in the balcony that day
If only you knew how much
How badly I wanted to hold you tight
In your voice, a calm anger
Bits and pieces from your past
How she hurt you, broke you

I can be here beside you
‘Cause you said you want me to
And I can hold your hand
Make you forget about her
Baby maybe I can take her place
But I can’t undo what she did

I’ve always been on the outside
Trying to look inside your life
Now that the wish’s been granted, I see
How boundless your love is
You tell me you hate her
But you just can’t bear
Hurting her yourself
Hurting her yourself

I can be here beside you
‘Cause you said you want me to
And I can hold your hand
Make you forget about her
Baby maybe I can take her place
But I can’t undo what she did

And that’s what kills me
She left you an empty shell
She left me with a memory
Of how you used to be
She left you an empty shell
She left me with a memory
Of how you used to be

I can be here beside you
‘Cause you said you want me to
And I can hold your hand
Make you forget about her
Baby maybe I can take her place
But you’ll never be the same

Leslie 17 January 2007

Through Hell and Back

2006-10-31T02:45:00.000-08:00

Due to my grandparents going back to Manila for a vacation, everything at home has turned topsy turvy. That includes where we’re supposed to put away our stuff and that resulted into my not locating some of my stuff since last week. To make sure that I didn’t put it away and forgot about it, I rummaged through the possible places it could have been in in the hallway. I looked at my drawer and found some old credit card billing statements from two years ago and was surprised to see what was written in it.

I was surprised because there were some months wherein I didn’t use my credit card at all and my average monthly bill was only about less than Php2,000.00 per month. Well, that was also the time that I still gave my dad payment for my cell phone bill. I had mixed feelings about it. So, I haven’t always been this mindless, swipe-addicted consumer. What the hell then, happened between then and now? What triggered the dreadful shopaholic in me?

When I first started working, some people knew me as money-savvy, always the wisest when it comes to building up my savings account. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost control and became known as a shopping fanatic. Maybe it was the emotional instability from events in my personal life but shopaholicism stayed long after the emotional turmoil was over. I, in fact, relished it and indulged in my excesses.

I could remember a time when I would look at my friend Chawdie in disbelief on how reckless she was with using her credit card swiping it left and right for goods, services and gadgets that cost twice or thrice as much as our salaries. Sadly, I’ve become not just a spitting image but exactly like her. I wish I could say it was beyond my control but that is just one big, fat lie. I was well aware of what I was doing to myself and did not do diddley squat about it.

Regrets, truly are, always towards the end of any situation. No matter how many times I wished I could have done differently, I cannot possibly go back in time to undo them all. I’ve hit rock bottom and that made my resolve to change the way things are even stronger. I still struggle every now and then but the path’s now clear to me. Sometimes you gotta go through hell and back for a lesson to hit home.

Something to Cringe About

2006-10-24T05:49:00.000-07:00

My last blog entry got me thinking about my family more. I kept running scenarios in my head about what the possibilities are if my cousins in L.A. come across this blog and they get to read my very unflattering remarks about my grandmother. My Catholic schooled cousins Michelle (16ish), Melissa (tweenish) and Michael (10ish) are goody-two shoes. I don’t know how much in agreement they are with the reviled grandmother of mine but based on what I’ve seen every time I’m there, I think she’s pretty much in control of what their general world views are.

What makes it even more complicated is that they live right across my grandparent’s flat. It literally takes me about 3 minutes to go from my grandparent’s 2nd floor apartment, down the stairs, out the gate, cross Ardmore St. to my uncle and aunt’s 2-storey bungalow.

My aunt, my dad’s only female sibling, is as devout as my grandmother although she’s a little progressive – teensy weensy little. I remember a couple of years ago, my grandmother and I clashed just as I was about to leave for LAX for my return flight to Manila. She was forcing to recite one of her stupid novenas and being the hard headed pig that I am (I was born on 1983, ok?) I refused to budge until we came to a standstill. She wouldn’t let me out the door until I do the order that she barked but I was able to get out of the situation because my uncle was concerned about me missing my flight.

While in transit, my aunt was giving me a lecture about how Catholics are going to be saved first compared to people from other faiths. It was such bullshit that I wanted to snap back at her by saying how can they be saved first if the leader of the flock can’t keep their pants up around altar boys. This was around the time of the Catholic priests/child molesters/sex predators fiasco happened. I didn’t say anything of course but I certainly could’ve gone on and on using my grandmother’s idiosyncrasies as an example but I already look like the bad guy because of what happened earlier that evening so I just kept those thoughts in my mind.

Moving on, I don’t think that Michelle, Melissa or Michael are the type to get me into trouble but this is family that we’re talking about and they might feel that they have a right to say their piece to defend their dear, old grandma. The worst part would be if they’d show it to their parents and then transmit the information to my parents.

What if they read my old entries? A big part of my life is revealed to very few people – and by that I mean my sister Louise (and Angelee at times) – and well, I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody gets a heart attack or I get booted out of the family tree by force.

One reason why I had the blog was to share my world. It is one thing for strangers to read, quite another for family members. I could stop writing about things that might get me into trouble but where’s the fun in that if I keep it to myself? Besides, I use my blog to update friends on how I’m doing. Especially friends that are so far away from my reach. Oh well, I’ll take my chances.

Hatin' On Grandma

2006-10-22T04:21:00.000-07:00

Two weeks into my grandparents’ four-week vacation here in Manila and I’m more than willing to shove my paternal grandmother on a plane back to L.A. at this point. We’ve had a long history of our opinions clashing and I’m highly volatile when I’m around her. That’s why it literally takes the Pacific Ocean to maintain peace and harmony in the family. One thing that I’ve managed to learn over the years is how to hold my tongue and release my very scathing tirades at a later time when I’m in the company of my sister Louise and her very sympathetic ear.

I am very lucky because I only get to see this particular grandmother once in a blue moon. At the same time, I feel pity for Louise because she’s had to live with our grandmother when she spent 5 months in L.A. For that, I view her with high regard in terms of her tolerance factor. I don’t know how she was able to withstand our grandmother’s very grating personality. Perhaps, I will never know.

What got me so worked up this time? As usual, it has everything to do with her being a devout Catholic. I know I’ve written about some of previous clashes but I just can’t remember when or what the post’s title is. Anyway, she again imposes her faith on us and forces us to attend mass. My dad, being the dutiful son, carries out her mandate.

Why the hell can’t she leave me alone? I’ve let her know for the longest time that I don’t consider myself Catholic and she still doesn’t get it. What would it take for her to get off my case? Burn the crucifix and her ever beloved statues? Nah, too dramatic. Wear my pentagram and my triquetra? She probably wouldn’t notice.

The only thing I could think of is to skip town during the weekends that they’re here. The question is – where would I go? Ramon and I have been planning to go to Subic. If his schedule wouldn’t permit it then there’s always Angel. But then again, she might do something with Jonee. Hmm, it might be a good idea to plan for another reunion with my high school and college cliques.

Anyways, I’m happy that for this week, my grandparents and my dad had a schedule to keep. They left the house before they were able to see us off to church. Angelee was okay with attending mass. Louise was willing to hear mass at first but lost interest quickly after she kept on nagging about how on-time we were for our jobs but not for church. She’d continue with how much of an obligation it is for Catholics since Sunday only comes around once a week. Fine, I get it but will you sink in your puny brain that I am no longer in the Catholic fold?!?

I find it pointless to go to church because you have to and not because you want to. It’s very hypocritical and I hate hypocrites and hypocrisy most of all. Wouldn’t her god be very offended by that?

Angelee and I played paper, scissors, stone to determine whose will will prevail – mine or hers. I won and everybody began to relax a bit. I went to our room to put on some clothes as I just got out of the shower with only my underwear on and my towel wrapped around me. I was picking out a shirt from my closet when Louise barged in and told me to get dressed as if I was going out of the house. My dad unexpectedly returned to check on his computer.

As soon as I finished dressing up, I went to the living room to check if my dad’s still there. Whew! We were all glad that we didn’t get busted but that was a pretty close call for us to be completely comfortable. We then decided to leave the house to make it appear that we really did what we were told. We ended up going to the fishball joint across the church for a quick snack, visited a couple of sari-sari stores as Angelee was hell bent on finding plastic balloons to play with and to the beauty salon for me and Louise to get our nails done.

Moral lesson of the story – never force your faith and belief systems on anyone. It’s always better for them to do something sincerely because it’s their choice. I believe that just as each one of is unique, we all have our own moral compass. What might work for you might not work for me. Second lesson would have to be tolerance for each person’s truths, belief systems and moral compass.

Fishbowl

2006-10-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

I was watching the first episode of E!’s ‘House of Carters’ over at YouTube Tuesday night and boy, what a guilty pleasure it was! I was a geeky teenybopper eons ago and I couldn’t believe just how gaga I was over Backstreet’s cutie Nick. I thought it was a cool thing to do what with a built-in support system in our all-girls high school but it’s only now that I’ve grown wiser and savvier did I realize how much of a source embarrassment it was.

That, however, did not stop me from wondering the obvious question of ‘Where is he now?’ and ‘Whatever happened to him long after his loyal fans like me grew up and grew out of our teenage phase?’ Sure, his group recently put out an album but sales were pretty dismal (well, at least in my imagination anyway) and the material itself was quite forgettable. A couple of months ago, there circulated a news report that the next time they’ll be putting out another record (the big question is ‘if’ given that they failed to create the same impact they did about a decade ago), there’d be one less member to look forward to. I wonder what he’s going to do doing now.

One day, I finally got an answer when I happen to browse upon E! News while I was channel surfing. Somebody peddled the idea of a reality show starring big brother Nick and his siblings Bobbie Jean (BJ for short), middle child Leslie and fraternal twins Aaron and Angel. Okay, so I know his family members by heart. I confess that I own and have probably read Jane Carter’s official bio on her “panganay” a million times during the apex of my naïveté.

My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. Is he that desperate to salvage what’s left of his career to agree to let cameras inside his crib? Sure, the premise looks good – that the five of them live under one roof after spending 11 years apart from each other -- but would that be enough to sustain viewership once the initial curiosity has been satisfied?

In an age where celebrities are constantly hounded by the paparazzi, why volunteer to live life in a fishbowl? I guess I’d be answering my own question if I say that it’d be to drum up interest in him or probably his siblings. Nobody notices him or his brother anymore so they, in the words of Dawson’s Creek’s chief villain Abby Morgan “create the drama.”

It was fun watching the first episode though. You just know that it’s a train wreck waiting to happen. Let me count the ways – 1) BJ used to be hot. That was when she was the leading lady of German teenybopper singer Gil in his video “If You Only Knew.” What the hell happened to her? She looks pudgy and she’s gotten a whole lot meatier. 2) BJ seems to be following mom’s footsteps – lay off the sauce, will ya? 3) More family secrets unveiled – a lot went around with Aaron’s emancipation from Mom, the divorce and its aftermath. 4) Catfight between Leslie versus Angel and BJ. Calling each other bitch and slut? What the hell?!? Your parents really did screw up in raising kids who call each other horrible names. 5) The Nick, Paris Hilton and Aaron connection. Need I say more? 6) Aaron looks like a druggie with his suspiciously hollow cheeks (compared to Nick’s “fuller” physique) and his always being hyper.

Let’s see what happens in Episode 2 :)

Breaking the Record

2006-10-09T03:02:00.000-07:00

The coming of Typhoon Milenio allowed the hastening of my third date with Ramon. We were supposed to meet Saturday night after Ramon’s class and my stint in the office but Mother Nature sabotaged our plans. Well, in a good way though.

After dillydallying for an hour on Friday morning if my meeting with a client would still push through, I decided to just stay at home. I rationalized to myself that it’s the day after the huge typhoon and the metro is still in shambles. We were lucky to have the power back on in Marikina Thursday night when the rest of Metro Manila and a couple more areas in Luzon, for that matter, powerless for more than 24 hours. Besides, when I was trying to call the person I was supposed to meet and her secretary, both their cellphones were dead. I figured that they probably weren’t in the mood to work as well since Malacanang has declared that all government offices would be closed for the day (except those agencies whose services would be needed for the recovery and relief efforts).

Right after much deliberation and consultation with my mom, I settled in on the couch and was watching the last couple of “House” Season 2 episodes that Angelee borrowed from her classmate when I received a call from my client. He was saying that I need to come right away for instructions from his boss. I was out of our house in no time and I was certainly thankful that I already took a bath. Despite having a hard time in getting a cab, I was able to get to my client’s office in Taguig. What irritated me was that my meeting lasted for no more than 5 minutes. Under my breath I kept muttering that they could’ve written a note or memo and had the documents sent by their messenger or picked up by our messenger.

As expected, Ramon and every other student in the metro didn’t have classes. He and I made plans for the day and my sudden departure complicated things a little bit. After a couple of text messages going back and forth between the two of us, we agreed to meet up at Greenbelt and wing it from there. We had hoped to see each other the day before but the weather was that bad such that we had to postpone. It wasn’t so much the rain but the really powerful winds. We’re both thankful we didn’t go out because it was only during the aftermath that we were made aware of how tumultuous the typhoon’s path was.

When we finally rendezvoused at Greenbelt, we decided to have brunch since it was already lunchtime and we figured we could use the time to map out our itinerary. He was planning to drop by the Armscor firing range near my house but the traffic in C5 was so bad that we just rushed over to the indoor facilities that they have in the Makati Cinema Square. It was a blessing in disguise that I was such a bad navigator – our missing our exit to C5 from The Fort saved us at least 3 to 4 hours of sitting through the worst traffic jam ever. Along the way, we went sight seeing for weird, kitschy sights of a typhoon’s aftermath.

Forty to sixty minutes after missing our exit, we were now inside the Armscor indoor firing range. That was pretty interesting. Never mind that I looked funny with the big goggles and the stuffy ear muffs on. At first I was just watching him blow holes in the paper target but I eventually mustered enough courage to accept his offer to teach me how use it. It was fun and it wasn’t rocket science. It became even more fun when I found out that I don’t flinch and how easy it was for me to shoot a cluster. That was the first time I got to fire a gun and I got a hit on the head and two in the chest.

Shortly thereafter, we then went back to Greenbelt to catch the screening of “Flyboys.” We were having lunch when my sister Angelee texted. In her text message, she was asking me if Ramon and I would be doing anything because she and Louise would be going to Glorietta for the 8 pm screening of “First Day High.” Louise had work that night and wanted to be near her office because of the transportation problem in the typhoon’s aftermath. Besides, she apparently was on the hunt for a pair of sunglasses.

We got out of the theater early and just met up with my sisters in Music One. Ramon was really sweet, he offered to drive my sister to her building even though he didn’t have to. After dropping off Louie at the Citibank building, Ange and Ramon had a crazy idea – that they go all the way to AKIC (Angelo King International Center of CSB) just to check if they’d have classes the next day. They did and they triumphantly rejoiced when the security guard verified that they indeed had no classes the following day. Ramon then headed over to Malate to check out what the damage is to the area and to his family’s property.

Malate was completely dead; pitch black with red orange slithers of light from the power failure and the temporary source of light – candles. That scenario, however, did not stop people from drinking the night away. He maneuvered the car into seemingly winding streets with ease until we got to Skins, the bar owned and managed by his childhood friends.

We had fun hanging out as the conversation amongst ourselves was very lively. It also helped that our drinks are free. Mainly, what we’ve talked about are stories about what’s been happening lately with him and Ange in school, Ange and me as sisters and his anecdotes during the time that he lived in the area. It was past 3 when we decided to leave the area and head home. We dropped by Blue Wave for a quick pit stop for his car and our tummies. My mom, who I’m guessing was worried, called Angelee when we were about to finish our food. Soon right after, off we went to complete our journey home without any incident – except for the fact that our designated navigator, Angelee, fell asleep while sitting precariously behind the gap between the driver and the passenger seats. I should’ve taken a picture of her – maybe I could use it for blackmail or something ;p

Like the previous week, Ramon slept on our couch. At least, not before we’ve had our little snuggle time. He’s been up the whole day, he’s a wee bit inebriated and I am just not comfortable with the thought of him driving all alone to his pad halfway across Metro Manila.

I still had a buzz when I climbed into bed in my room and as such, I wasn’t able to sleep well. I woke up after less than 5 hours of sleep with a feeling of light-headedness. I kind of dreaded it as I thought it was a sign of aging. I’ve only had three bottles of San Mig Light and this was how my body was reacting when it would’ve taken me a lot more to drink to have a hangover only a couple of years ago.

Since I couldn’t go back to sleep any longer, I got out of bed and started to pop the last couple of ‘House’ Season 2 episodes I haven’t seen yet. I was on my 2nd or 3rd disc when Ramon woke up. We didn’t really have anything planned for today so we spent the next couple of hours sitting beside each other on my spot on the couch until we got to ‘House’s’ season ender. We finished the entire thing after lunch.

With no plan in hand still, we were just chilling on the couch and we started fiddling with my sister Angelee’s cookbooks. All of a sudden we found ourselves in the kitchen busying ourselves with baking this Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cookie recipe from the Nestle Tollhouse cookbook. That, in turn, started the ball rolling for Angelee and Ramon to start cooking up a feast for dinner. Both of them had the ‘Philippine Cuisine’ class and right after going to the grocery for provisions, they were in a maddening frenzy for cooking some grub – Ilocos Bagnet, Ensaladang Talong, Adobong Kangkong with Bagoong (Fried Shrimp Paste) and Manggang Hilaw (Green Mangoes).

It sure was delicious and it would’ve been even better if both Louise and Angelee were in the mood for a little drink. Angelee was sure as hell excited when they thought about inviting one of their classmates named Yano to our house for an impromptu house party. I think her enthusiasm quickly faded away when he turned both Ramon and my sister down because his high school friends were hanging out in his house. Oh well, there’s always a next time.

For the second night in a row, Ramon slept on our couch. The only difference this time though is that I slept close to him. No snuggle time though as my mom was busy sorting out the mail on the adjacent room. I do, on the other hand, have a nagging suspicion that my mom was checking up on us to see if we’d be doing more than snuggling. I’ll expound on that on another entry but my weekend couldn’t have been more fun or more exciting.

The 24-Hour Date

2006-10-02T00:38:00.000-07:00

A week and a couple of days after my second date with Ramon, I still feel giddy when I think about it. For the most part, it had something to do with achieve a couple of ‘firsts’ milestones. 1) First time I was on a date for 24 hours; 2) first time I went on a date with my mom and my sister in tow; 3) first time I had a really long make out marathon; 4) first time that didn’t lead to shedding any article of clothing from both parties; 5) first time for my mom to see me engage in a PDA-esque mode with anybody.

A few nights before, we were talking over the phone about where to go and we both came up with our possible options. The place he suggested didn’t really pan out for some reason so he’s opted to go with the restaurant that I mentioned – Bellini’s. I told him how wonderful the place and how marvelous the food was and that really got his curiosity. I was surprised myself that he’s not familiar with the place because Bellini’s is all the rage with Italian food aficionados.

It was a Saturday night and we both agreed to rendezvous at Gateway Mall at around 8 pm. I got there an hour early as I came from the office. Cam was supposed to be the lone staff member to show up for work that day and I went to the office just to keep her company. I passed the time by going window shopping for stuff and when I was over at Folded and Hung on the third floor, I received a text message from him saying that he could just pick me up from Gateway and we could go to Bellini’s together. He asked around for anybody who could give him directions to the restaurant but nobody was able to answer his question. I couldn’t blame them because getting to the area where the restaurant is can be a bit tricky if you’re not familiar with the Cubao area.

10 to 15 minutes later, I was on my way down to Bread Talk to meet Ramon. I saw him right away from a distance, kissed him on the cheek and promptly walked a couple of blocks to Marikina Shoe Expo. Bellini’s is located at the heart of the little compound and that gave me a chance to show him some of the stores that I love to look at. It was too bad though that this quaint antique shop was already closed for the day and the everything- anime store did a complete overhaul. They no longer sold anime trinkets and was instead operating as a hangout place for the artsy fartsy crowd and college students.

Ramon was telling me that his stars must’ve been aligned so well that night because everything was running smoothly so far – he found a parking space inside Gateway as soon as he entered the building, he was able to quickly find Bread Talk inside the mall, we were able to spot each other right away and we got seated fast at Bellini’s. The restaurant no longer accepts reservations during Saturday nights because of the sheer number of people who goes there during that time. True enough, people on the waiting list started piling up because Ramon and I got the last available table.

I just love everything about the restaurant – it’s an established hole-in-the-wall mom-and-pop restaurant that serves authentic Italian cuisine with a homey atmosphere. Ramon was amazed at how hands on the owners were and he was even more amazed when I randomly fired off little bits of trivia about the owner and the restaurant – that Roberto used to be a paparazzi (ergo the numerous picture frames adorning the walls) and that the blind musician they hired used to be a street musician who begs for alms.

Much has to be said about the service though because the place was packed and there weren’t enough waiters to wait on all the tables. One particular thing about CA (Culinary Arts) people is that they notice everything from the plating of the dish to the order on which they serve the food. The waiter’s faux pas was that he brought out the entrée before the hors d’oeuvre. Another thing that Ramon noticed was the improper way they stored their wine – upright instead of having them tilted. It was all good though because the position on which the bottles were stored didn’t seem to affect the taste of the wine itself. I normally prefer white wines due to it being light and fruity but I was surprised by how much I liked the Tuscan red that we had. I forgot the name of who made it but I’m definitely going back to buy a bottle of it.

Shortly after we dinner, we walked back to where his car was and we went to my place for a “House” marathon. We were able to watch about 7 or 8 episodes before falling asleep on the couch. I got up much earlier than Ramon and headed over to my parents’ room. I didn’t know that my two sisters slept there and the moment I got in, they started grilling me about my date since they were very much awake by that time.

Somebody asked my sister Angelee (I couldn’t remember if it was my mom or my other sister Louise who posited the question)– “Hindi ka ba na-wi-weirdohan na ang kaklase mo lumalabas kasama ng ate mo (Aren’t you weirded out that your classmate is going out with your sister)?”

Ange said no and added that’s the whole thing’s perfectly fine with her.

I quipped “Ma-weirdohan kayo kung mas bata yan (Be weirded out if I’m going out with somebody younger).”

They snickered at that remark, explained to my mom briefly that he wasn’t able to go home last because we both fell asleep watching “House” knowing how conservative she could get. With that done, I went back to the living room to watch some tv. Ramon woke up a short time after and we spent the rest of the morning in front of the boob tube switching between ETC’s Project Runway and Lifestyle Network’s Iron Chef America.

My mom, on the other hand, was busy making plans for that afternoon. She wanted to go to Alba’s in Eastwood to drop of the downpayment. We were renting the place for a family event on the 14th. The problem was that Alex, my sister Louise’s boyfriend/soon-to-be-husband, wasn’t available because he has to go with his parents in Greenhills. When Ramon got wind of the situation, he was nice enough to offer his help.

My mom, my sister Angelee, Ramon and I got to Eastwood around 1 and headed straight to Alba’s. Angelee, being the one who’s studying to be a chef, was in charge of selecting the menu and double-checking every detail to make sure everything will be in order when the time comes. Once we were done, we walked a couple of blocks to Teriyaki Boy for brunch. My mom, I think, took it as an opportunity to get to know him a little bit better.

We waited for the rain to stop and hopped back to Ramon’s car. We headed over to Megamall because Ange was in search of a digital camera. Ramon being a techie, was able to help my sister come to a decision about what she was going to buy. Ramon and I left Ange and mom inside Canon’s dealership and made our way through Pain and Rehab Clinic to look for a medical chair that Ramon’s mom wanted him to buy for his grandmother. They didn’t have what he was looking for so we just went around the entire mall for a couple of hours while we waited for my mom and my sister to finish shopping for things that they would need.

We met up at Powerbooks and had dinner at Mexicali before Ramon drove us home. Ramon left at around 8 and with his departure, set a new record for me – the longest time I’ve ever been in a date.

Hypothetically Speaking

2006-09-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about what Martin wrote on the short note he sent to my e-mail several weeks ago. He says that he’s amazed at how well I understand what he’s trying to say and how no one else could do that. He’s even more amazed that we’ve managed to overcome the language and the physical barrier.

It definitely is. Amazing, I mean. We’re one month shy from commemorating one whole year of being connected to each other using almost always our laptops and our cellular phones quite often. It’s really astounding that in between our busy, sometimes depressing, sometimes dreary and a lot of times exciting lives, we’ve somehow managed to get by. It’s not as often as when we first started this relationship but I’m certainly thankful it’s lasted this long. And hopefully continue for a long time to come.

At the end of his short note, he left me with a hypothetical question. What would happen if in the near future we see each other again and find each other unbearable to be with? What if the chemistry we have on paper or e-mail does not translate well to when we’re actually in close proximity to each other?

I really don’t know how to answer that. I’m going to have to say that we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there. I will let tomorrow worry for its self because I’m happy with the way things are. There’s no use worrying about things that may or may not happen. I’m absolutely glad that Martin and I are really close friends and I’m even more happy to know that I have someone special albeit it might seem at times that what we are are indefinable.

What's On The Boob Tube

2006-09-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

I am just so in-love with the DSL and Youtube pairing! Over the weekend, I was ecstatic to see a lot of clips that happened during the recently concluded 2006 MTV Video Music Awards in the Big Apple. Patience is one virtue that I need a lot of work on and it is especially true for TV specials.

I was peeved when I got the message “Due to copyright concerns, this video cannot be played outside of the United States” when I tried to play the video clips of the different VMA performances over at www.mtv.com">MTV. I don’t get it. It’s not like they’re never going to show it in the MTV Asia, Europe or Latin America territories. I immediately head over to Youtube and was able to find in an instant the clips that I was looking for. I loved Justin Timberlake’s performance, was amazed at Shakira’s dance moves, got blown away by Beyonce but was iffy about Christina’s new single. As for the other performers, I’m very much looking forward to checking out their albums especially Panic! At The Disco.

One other thing that got me really antsy and impatient was seeing the movie trailer for “Fast Food Nation.” I’m curious as to what they’re going to do with the story line because “Fast Food Nation” is not a narrative (in general) but an investigative factbook type. I read the book a couple of years ago and was able to finish it in 1 ½ days. After devouring the book’s contents, I swore never to eat McDonalds ever again and to minimize my patronage of fast food joints in general.

It reminded me of the time that I finished reading Naomi Klein’s “No Logo” and became idealistic about anti-globalization. The anti-globalization stance, I’m kind of having a hard time on that one because of my inner shopaholic but with the serious health implications (not to mention socio-economic) contained in Eric Schlossinger’s book, I’m sure it will stick. It’s been a long time since I had anything from McDonalds, KFC (thank you PETA for the Kentucky Fried Cruelty campaign), Wendy’s, Popeye’s and Burger King. If I really can’t help it, I stick to Jollibee. Tangkilikin ang sariling atin (Patronize Filipino-made products) :D

9 pm of Saturday and Sunday night, I was glued to ABC 5 for the first semi-final elimination night. They had the 12 male contestants on first and it was a pretty good show. I was disappointed by a couple of people and was shocked to find out the next day that some people who I thought wouldn’t cut it ended up being on the Top 4. I was a bit disillusioned with what happened to Ramirr, the long-haired rocker who did a wonderful rendition of Bon Jovi’s ‘Bed of Roses.’ What happened was a complete Chris Daughtry. Miguel, the baby-faced 17-year-old La Sallista was able to pull off a Jasmine Trias.

If anybody would be able to view Miguel’s performance, I’m telling you it was a complete fiasco. First mistake was his choice of song – it was too mature for his inexperienced self. Second mistake, he couldn’t hit the high notes and his falsetto was very awkward or in some cases, it sounded like somebody scratching their nails on a blackboard. Third, he’s cute alright but during his performance, his face was contorted beyond recognition because he was trying his darnest to reach the high notes of “Highway of Life.” I really thought that he’d get the boot but I guess he was saved by the text brigade of the La Salle community from both the past, the present and maybe even the future. To think that Ryan, the other proud La Sallian on stage, joked that Miguel just lost the Ateneo vote right then and there when he shouted the La Salle motto during the interview that immediately followed his performance. Or it could’ve been his image endorser/boy-next-door cuteness factor that landed him in the Top 4.

Why do I get the feeling that what just happened with the boys won’t be repeated when it’s the girl’s turn? Is it because the guys would automatically have a lot more voters with the combined clout of the female of the species and gays? I don’t mean to offend gays, all right, it’s just an observation. I have a lot of homosexual friends and they’re the best friends anybody could ever wish for.

Speaking of homosexuals, Cosmopolitan Philippines’ Batchelor’s Bash is going to happen yet again over the next couple of days. Hmm, I wonder what it’ll be like. I’ve been to that event two years ago and it was fun. There was only one thing that disappointed me – half the house was filled with homosexuals who were very aggressive in lapping up the models’ attention. I wonder who made it in this year’s edition? I bet Sam Milby’s in the top 10, if not number 1.

Another program that is on my Sunday night habit is QTV 11’s “Ang Pinaka.” I don’t know what’s with chart shows but I am just hooked! The list that they come up with every week is just delightful. They explain at the start of the show the qualifications they have for picking the people in their list. What would make it even better is if they would be able to include concrete facts and figures ala Forbes Magazine to give it an added credibility, especially for people who top the list. The great thing about this list is that it is not biased. You need proof? They don’t include nor exclude stars on their list just because they’re affiliated with a certain network. The show’s producers should congratulate themselves for picking Pia Guanio as its host because she’s a perfect fit.

It shows how much of a couch potato I am, ain’t it?

Disgusted

2006-09-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

I am just so disgusted with the government. Before, I do get angry at their ineptitude and laugh hysterically at their stupidity. But as of this morning, I am no longer amused, to say the very least. I have reached my personal tipping point and I just want to lash out.

For the last couple of months, I’ve been working my butt off on a project with the Department of Education. We’ve fast tracked everything to make sure that the program finishes in time for the President’s deadline of October of this year to train public school teachers, primarily from the elementary level, into improving their English conversational skills*.

Despite the expedite, we got untimely delays from the way the whole bureaucracy was run. I do understand that there has to be checks and balances but adding politics (especially with another election period just around the corner) into the equation crippled the whole system. Because of this certain DepED official, all my efforts (and the other service providers that the department wanted to get for the program) went down the drain as the program is completely scrapped. Let’s call this certain individual as ‘Pho’ (short cut for political ho).

Pho is your typical bureaucratic small fish – constantly namedropping the highest officer of the land and fully manifests the Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde complex. When we had a meeting with her one Friday afternoon a great number of weeks ago, she had a big, fake smile plastered on her face as she was talking us, letting out flowery, patronizing words from her vile tongue. When she’s in the confines of the boardroom for the ManCom meetings, our sources tell us how skillful she is at bashing us. I’d much rather talk to ever acerbic Simon Cowell any day! To think she had the temerity to politely sequester the whole set of books that we brought along in that meeting for demonstration purposes.

The number one reason why she sabotaged the Project Pump Priming process? She got wind of how much money Malacanang set aside for the entire training program and she wanted it all for herself. She’ll be using the divide and conquer method for siphoning a portion of the funds – divide the funds among her different regional directors so it’ll be much more manageable for her to cook the books.

Pho’s reputation within the DepED is that of a payola master. During the last elections, she was very blatant about her handing out of envelopes filled with cash to voters. Rumor has it that she was placed in the DepED Central Office for the exact same thing to be repeated yet again for next year’s elections. For all those who benefited from her ware, don’t forget to thank your congressman, other local and national government officials.

I’m still peeved about it all. May the heavens have mercy on her as the underworld certainly won’t. It’s my first time to work with government and what I found to be shocking was how some people could be very 'chutzpah'-tic with their deeds. It’s such a shame to find out the torchbearer of knowledge for future generations are the first ones to rob them of the good life they might have one day.

Good luck to the Filipinos of the next generation. We’re already down in the dumps with the lack of quality education and the people who are supposed to care or be alarmed of the sharp decline of literacy are indifferent if it doesn’t concern the bottomlines that they’re after. They probably something stronger than luck – a miracle.

*The entire training program is divided into several parts covering basic skills such as reading, writing and speaking. Our part in the program was for the teachers' oral communications.

The Visitor from London

2006-09-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason, I was antsy about opening the Trillian program in my computer Tuesday two weeks ago. I soon found out why because as soon as I logged in, Ian’s messages when I was offline popped out one after another in rapid succession. I was able to read immediately the last message and this is what it said:

“I’ll be in Manila on Thursday.”

I couldn’t think straight for a couple of minutes and all I managed to conjure up in my head was…

“Holy cow!”

My mind started to wander aimlessly at what that 6-word sentence implied. It was jumping from one idea to another at the speed of light that I couldn’t keep track of all the crazy imprints that were in my head at that time. Ian. Manila. Here? Can’t be. Bollocks.

I didn’t know what else to say because I was caught off guard. I knew that he has plans to be in Manila but I certainly didn’t expect it to be so soon. I really didn’t see that coming. Ian knows a lot about Filipinos but I wasn’t sure if he knew anything about the country and getting around the metro so I gave him my office landline and my mobile number. I also gave him the additional instruction to contact me if he needs anything.

The next day, I got a text message from Ian. There was a mix up with the dates he provided me but that he would be in the county by Sunday. I was a bit concerned about him since this is the first time he’ll go outside of the United Kingdom and I certainly hope that nothing untoward or unpleasant would happen to him while in Manila. It’s not a good impression to make for a self-confessed Filipino-phile Ian.

Saturday morning came and I found myself in the office waiting for my meeting with my boss and a couple of colleagues to start. I passed the time by calling up different hotels and travelers inns to check their rates. I’m happy to have found a couple of places that would fit Ian’s budget.

Around 4 pm, I got a text message from Ian telling me that he’s already in the airport. I noticed on my laptop that my e-mail regarding the places I got quotations from bounced back. It looks like there’s a problem with his e-mail address. I immediately replied by saying “Gute Reise,” the name of the hotel and instructions on how to get there. I followed it up with a warning to always make sure that cab drivers turn on the meter every time he would get into a cab.

The whole day Sunday, I constantly browsed my phone just to check if he sent me a text message from Ian but none came. Monday morning, I finally got word from Ian. He’s staying over at Citadel Inn and that the flight was okay. I was still on my way to the office when I got his message so I told him that I would just call him when I got to where I was going.

When I finally got to talk to him on the phone, my fears were allayed when I found out that he has friends who picked him up from the airport. It feels weird to be talking to him. The fact that this guy is really in Manila still hasn’t sunk to my head still. It might take a couple of days or probably when I finally get to see him face-to-face.

Ian and I had plans to meet Monday night but my schedule didn’t permit it. I took a leave from work Wednesday and we rendezvoused at Glorietta. He was accompanied by his friend Diane and I’m happy that somebody’s taking care of him and his needs. Diane still had a meeting to go to so she left Ian in my care. Being the geek that I am, the first thing we did was to go to a museum – the Ayala museum to be exact then went around the entire Greenbelt area.

We stopped by Starbucks to recharge our batteries and a chat. I was happy to be there with him but it was utterly embarrassing when he was able to pick up on my uneasiness. It’s not him – Ian’s barely legal and he looks young with his light brown hair and his hazel eyes. It was the people the people surrounding us.

I can tell by the way they look at us what they were thinking. I guess it can’t be helped since this is, after all, a third world country. My defense mechanism kicked in and I talk louder than usual, letting people hear my thick American accent. As if that’ll do anything to change people’s perception. Ian and I did poke fun at the situation and took it one step further by playing an informal game of ‘Spot the Thaifrau*.’ He finds it incredibly ridiculous to find a silver-haired Caucasian male to be around Pinays who seem to still be in their training bras.

After some time, we got up, left the mall area and became urban adventurers by going around the CBD’s (Central Business District) general vicinity by foot. It was still pretty early (around 5) so I suggested to him that we could go to Baywalk since it’s not really far from where we were. He agreed and off we went to Roxas Boulevard. We were lucky that the traffic wasn’t really heavy and we were able to get to Baywalk in time for the sunset. I’ve seen this view thousands of times already and yet I am still amazed at how breath taking it could be. I could just imagine how intense it must’ve been for the neophyte Manila visitor who was standing beside me.

We stayed in that area until shortly past 6 before we proceeded to go back to Ian’s hotel to pick up his laundry. After Ian took a quick shower, we went to the bar over at Burgundy Corporate Center to meet his friends for a drink. They’re a really lively bunch – Diane, the multitasker; Nains, the perpetually preoccupied one and Ian (pronounced as schwa-y-schwa-) the working student with the seemingly boundless energy. I really clicked with them that as a result, even after we’ve all gone home we still communicate with each other. The main topic of conversation for the time being though was where to take Ian the Brit :)

Two Things That Pissed Me Off Today

2006-08-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

*This was supposed to be posted Monday night but I was unable to do so*

I am just so pissed off right now and two things contributed to that. The first one is a guy I was supposed to go out with for a date last Saturday. His name’s Eric. How I came to know him is very interesting. If you are, just continue reading the second to the eighth paragraph. If you’re bored or dying to know what happened, skip ahead to the ninth and tenth paragraph.

I was surprised to have received a text message from Eric mid-part of last week. It says on his initial text message that he’s updating his phone book and that I keep in touch. I didn’t recognize his number and I certainly do not know anybody named Eric Dee. I played coy and tried to fish for information on how he got my number - he tells me that he got introduced to me by a friend or a classmate named Jenny from my old school.

I think there was a Jenny in my biology class. How about another girl named Jenny? I have no freaking clue. I’m certain there would be a lot of Jenny’s and Jennifer’s in my school but my campus is a tad too big to meet and remember each and every one of them. I was utterly curious about this person so I decided to start a conversation even though the alarm bells were ringing in my head.

He called me up on my cell and we talk for 15 minutes. I gather a couple more information about this guy – graduated from Mapua sometime during the late ‘90’s; he works as a management consultant in Makati; he’s in his 30’s and that he wants to see me as soon as possible. Something’s not right about this guy and I am getting to the bottom of it. We settled on lunch time of Friday since I was expecting to go out Thursday night with Brian. Since we were both on company time, I ended the conversation abruptly and him asking me for my Friendster profile. Being the control freak that I am, I asked for his instead of giving him mine and promptly put the phone down.

Another puzzling piece of information popped up. If his name is Eric, what the hell is he using bryan_gutierez@yahoo.com for? More importantly, who is Bryan? Those questions would have to wait. It’d be much better to see him in person, especially if he squirms with uneasiness.

Friday came and we didn’t meet. I didn’t go to work that day as I was not feeling well. He called me on my cell phone again to reschedule our plans. He tells me that he really is an upfront person (hmm, he sounds a lot like Patrick the forever-in-a-rush-for-something) and that he likes me. He adds that he accepted me as a friend, took a look at my profile and found me to be to his liking as I was mature for my age.

Eric proceeded to ask me my views about dating older guys and that brought up briefly my dating history. He then narrated to me an observation made by his 20-something co-worker who is digging older guys. Her observation is about how older guys are not afraid of asking for sexual favors. Eric then asked if it’d be okay for me to meet him Saturday and go somewhere private. I indignantly said no the first time and next two or three times he repeated the question. He finally reneged on meeting him over at Megamall.

“Who the hell does he think he is?” at the back of my mind.

Saturday, my meeting runs into overtime until 4. I got a text message from Eric saying that he’s in Cebu for an emergency and that he’ll explain by Monday.

This morning, Eric called and he did explain. In a weak, almost croaking, voice he admitted to me that he is married with kids (I should’ve known!). He was in Cebu with his family because one of his in-laws died. He only went back to Manila today to show up for work. I turn into my ice princess-bitch mode and confront his sorry little ass. He can’t stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ until now and he better be. I may have been many things before -- a cheater, a third party, the third wheel -- but I definitely have no plans of being a homewrecker, thank you for asking.

The second thing to piss me off was what happened this afternoon. Out of the blue, the Skype chat window from Alan popped up on my screen with this message (sic):

“if have any problems with BLOCKED sites u tell me......kng yan lng problema nyo oopen ko at mapakasawa kyo* sa blogs (if that’s your only problem, I’ll open it and you both enjoy all the blogs you want)!”

*tone of the statement has a very nasty connotation and there is no direct translation of the exact phrase.

I asked him if the message was for me and he said yes. I told him I don’t care because I really don’t. I could always use my internet access at home. His next message was that I should look for another person to do the materials I need for the call center project I’m handling. My, my, getting catty, aren’t we?

I asked him if he really can’t do it or he just doesn’t want to. He replied by saying that he’s busy with our company’s Korean website. Whatever! I don’t care if you have an ex-lover’s quarrel with you-know-who, just don’t screw me and my work over when you’re trying to get back at her. Grow up!

Expectations

2006-08-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

I was thoroughly refreshed after my long weekend and I couldn’t help but wish that it’d be even longer. They’ve declared Monday to be a holiday in commemoration of the 23rd death anniversary of Filipino patriot Benigno ‘Ninoy’ Aquino. For the past three days, I’ve done nothing but go to the mall, eat, sleep, surf the net and watch tv.

Saturday, I was over at Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall and the adjacent mall, Robinson’s Place Metroeast to shop for necessities. My L’Oreal skin care line is about to run out in the next couple of weeks and I took advantage of the sale period to stock up on supplies. I was really happy because I got a 15% discount on the Pure Zone Toner and the UV Perfect Tinted Sunscreen and a 30% discount on the Pure Zone Deep Cleansing Gel.

Sunday afternoon, I accompanied my mom, my sisters and my soon-to-be brother-in-law Alex over at Megamall to do our grocery shopping. My mom fancied playing bowling since the day before and that they did as soon as we got inside the building. I wasn’t really in the mood to damage my scoliotic spine by lifting a 10-pound swirly, psychedelic ball repeatedly so I decided to go for a much needed aero exercise by walking over to Robinson’s Galleria.

I don’t really know if it’s just me being very picky or if it were the goods inside the different stores that was just not to my liking. I’ve explored every nook and cranny of the entire mall for items to buy but I wasn’t able to find much. I was able to buy just one piece of clothing – a Victorian inspired lace top from Ensembles in a hard-to-find pale orange hue.

I got back to Megamall just in time for me to catch my mom and my sister Angelee heading to the grocery in Building B. Alex and Louise, meanwhile, busied themselves by browsing through the dvd players for Alex’s car. My sister’s going to give it to him as a thank you gift for buying her her camera when they were recently in Singapore for a brief holiday.

I wasn’t expecting to go out of the house yesterday (which is Monday) as I was planning to clean my room and put away the laundry that my mom has asked me to do. I was mystified when I heard my phone ringing. Secretly I was wishing “please let it not be my boss!” I walked over to where it was and I saw Odie’s name flashing on the screen. Whew! He was asking where I was and to which I replied with “at home in my parents’ house in Marikina.”

He was asking if we could meet somewhere and that only means one thing – ‘tis a booty call. I volunteered to meet him in Makati but Odie, being considerate that he is asked if there’s a place where we could meet that is a closer to my location. The nearest place that I could suggest was Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall and I was relieved to find out that he knows where that is. He inquired on how long it would take me to get there and I gave him the answer of 30 minutes which is a half-truth. Yes, it would certainly take me that much time to get there but he would have to take into account the 10 minutes it would take me to get a bath. Odie ended the conversation by saying that he’d just call me when he gets there.

Off I dashed into the bathroom to cleanse myself, my bedroom to get dressed and out the door in record time. I didn’t bother with my usual ritual of toner, moisturizer and sunscreen since I really was pressed for time. I took a tricycle to get me to Masinag from Lilac St. and as soon as I sat on the jeepney that would take me through the second half of my commute, I chanced upon my cell which was ringing at that time. It was Odie – he says he got lost but that he’s near TGI Fridays. I tell him that I’m 10 minutes away and that he can wait for me there.

A minor traffic jam, a U-turn and a short sprint to the Brick Road area later, I keep looking left and right for Odie’s silver Vios. A couple more steps forward and I saw where he parked his car. I go inside the vehicle and we decide what to do after exchanging pleasantries. Since he’s not that familiar with the area, Odie asked me where we could go and I guided him through to this lodge nearby. Clue – a Filipino rock band wrote a song about this particular lodge and was released as a single.

I like Odie. He’s a great guy but not without fault. We’ve known each other for the past three years. In fact, he’s the guy who hired me for my first job. I also used to have a crush on him, especially during his leaner days. As a fuck buddy, I like him a lot because he knows the deal and we both know exactly where we stand. I don’t know if it’s a conspiracy or a mere coincidence because it was around this time of the year last year and the one before that when we hooked up for the first and second time.

They say third time’s the charm and indeed it is. We do the deed and Odie tells me that he feels cheated. I was able to satisfy him easily but he wasn’t able to do the same for me. He kids me by saying that I should be his yardstick for all the other people he has or will have a fling with. He does make it up to me with a really wonderful back massage.

We started our tryst with a lively conversation and we ended it in pretty much the same way. We’ve talked about how we’ve been since the last time we saw each other, status of our common friends and everything else in between. Odie says that one of the reasons why he looks forward to us getting together is that I’m his little case study. I’ve gone out with a lot more people than him and he tries to pick up lessons from my experiences.

I tell him about the recent flurry in my dating life and he was a bit envious. He says that “you girls are lucky. You get wined and dined and don’t have to worry a thing most of the time especially if it’s in the early stages of dating someone. Unless of course, if the girl insists that she pay her fair share of the expenses.” He then goes on to tell the story of how he and his best friend schemed on double or even triple booking a couple of girls in their hangout place. They almost got caught one time if it weren’t for the help of the staff of that particular establishment (they were regulars and knew everybody). Men!

When he was driving me home, I asked him that question that I have of Jon – how he can he loves me and then tell me that his girlfriend’s “the One.” He gave me a great answer – it’s all about expectations. Sounds way off but I know exactly what he means and he doesn’t have to explain it to me. Wow! We’ve really reached that stage of friendship and that was something I didn’t expect.

Nu Skin

2006-08-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

I was planning to go to Robinson’s Ermita Saturday afternoon but decided to abort the plan after waking up really late. I came home around 11 the night before after tagging along with Toastmaster Alvin in the Nu Skin symposium that he attended. It was a huge coincidence as well because I saw Paolo, the domestic partner of my college schoolmate and former co-worker Frankie. I knew that he was now working for a pharmaceutical company but I certainly did not expect for Nu Skin to be his employer.

I didn’t have any plans of purchasing any product from them but it was worth sitting through a two-hour lecture cum product endorsement from their speaker guests. They all discussed ageing and the three guests explored three diverse yet interconnected fields of study – molecular biology, dermatology and pharmacy. Each one attempted to explain the how, what, when and why’s of growing old. I don’t really need to discuss the solution because it would have been obvious by now.

I certainly learned a lot of things from the molecular biologist and the pharmacist about free radical and UV damage to the body. As for the dermatologist’s lecture, well, you can watch ET and E! or simply browse through entertainment and magazines to pick up knowledge on the latest beauty products, “medical procedures and intervention programs” if you get my drift.

I was surrounded by seemingly “yes people” of Pharmanex – distributors, users and agents – and I felt saddened. Half the world’s population is starving, dying from diseases or suffering from strife and here I was sitting in an air-conditioned room listening to people’s call to arms against the signs of ageing. Millions of research dollars go to the so-called “diseases of the rich” while those from the developing economies wither away in pain. All for the simple reason that there is simply no market for cure against the “diseases of the poor” because they wouldn’t be able to shell out much dough for them.

There is no fountain of youth and we’re all going to expire anyway so what’s the big hullabaloo? Dr. Al Robbins of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation couldn’t have put it better – “Beauty is skin deep but inside we’re all made up of the same stuff (referring to various internal organs as he was performing the autopsy of homicide victim Vanessa Keaton).”

A New Discovery

2006-08-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was going through my morning routine here in the office of reading my mail and indulging my daily newsbeat from www.msn.com when I came across this witty and wonderful series of articles from Slate Magazine's Deputy Editor David Plotz - Blogging The Bible

Have fun reading it as much I do!

Dum dum da dum Dum dum da dum

2006-08-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what happened or what was my mom’s state of mind just last Sunday morning that made her do what she did. I was sitting on the couch watching a tv show on the telly (I can’t remember what it was) together with my mom and my youngest sister Angelee. Louise was about to sit down on the empty space on the couch next to my mom when she blurted out THE question.

“Kayo ba ni Alex eh napapagusapan na ang pagpapakasal (Have you and Alex ever talk about getting married)?”

I was dumbfounded when I heard that. I was only sorry that I was not able to tilt my head in time to see the reaction that registered in my sister’s face.

“Oo (Yes).”

“Kailan naman (When would that be)?”

“Gusto ni Alex sa December (Alex would like to have it in December). Bakit (Why)? Payag ka (Do you approve)?”

“Wag lang sa December na ‘to (Not this December though).”

My mom, then, had a follow-up question – “Sigurada ka na ba talaga sa kanya (Are you really sure you want to marry him)? Baka naman may dumating pang iba (Maybe someone else might come along).”

And my sister then goes on to narrate how much Alex’s parents wants them to get married immediately, even promising to foot the entire bill if they do it a.s.a.p. For the longest time, they have been wanting to have a grandchild and they’re seriously betting on my sister. Even though Alex is their youngest child, the reason why he’s the strongest contender is that they perceive him to be the most ready for marriage among their three kids.

I’ve met Alex’s family and they’re an ok bunch. Actually, me, my sister Louise, our Uncle Lloyd and the three Lanip kids have a quirky history together. Uncle Lloyd, by the way, is my dad’s youngest brother. He’s a menopause baby and that makes our age gap no more than 8 years. Going on with my story… when he was in high school, he was classmates with Alex’s eldest sibling, Ate Girlie. When I was in grade school, I was classmates with Joel (used to be called by his given name Joselito back then), Alex’s older brother. My sister was classmates with Alex when they were in grade school, surprisingly enough.

After we finished our grade school years, we both transferred to St. Scho. Alex and Louise met because of her college best friend Abby who happens to be Ate Girlie, Joel and Alex’s cousin. It’s just weird how closely connected everybody is one time or another. It feels as if those two are really meant to be together.

Ate Girlie, the eldest, is still studying while her boyfriend Glen just graduated from college recently. They’ve been together even before my sister and Alex hooked up but they’re not yet financially ready. And then there’s Joel, the middle child. Hmm… what about Joel? Honestly, I have no idea. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him and I certainly haven’t heard any news on him of late.

My mom finally opened up about what prompted her to ask THE question. Auntie Anne, my dad’s sister-in-law, is about to give birth anytime soon and she jokingly told my mom that when her baby Anya no longer needs her crib, she’ll immediately pass it on to my sister.

It feels weird now that Louise’s matrimony card is out in the open. Was that just my mom’s way of saying that she’s resigned to the fact that my sister becoming Mrs. Alex Lanip an inevitable fact of our lives?

Okay, so one parent down; just one more to go. I wonder what my dad will say. Would his line of thinking be similar to my mom’s or would he still be hoping that my sister will find someone who’s…uhm… I’d hate to say it but it’s the truth… better looking?

After a brief pause for a nanosecond, my mom pulled a fast one on me.

“Ikaw ba Leslie wala pang boyfriend (How about you – do you now have a boyfriend)?”

A resounding “NO.”

My dating life right now is just too complicated, she probably won’t understand. She might even be confused with the people I’ve gone out with over the last two to three months – Alvin the Toastmaster, Jon the phone buddy (if you’re going to be strict about technicality then you can just disqualify him from this list), rocker Lei, always-in-a-rush Patrick, artsy Brian (yep, the latest one. He’s the bespectacled Art Director for the newspaper that my boss’ family owns) and then back again to Alvin the Toastmaster. Whew! I’m surprised that I myself was able to remember their chronological order after the dizzying musical chair of dating. Poor Mom, she might not be able to follow.

“Kapatid mo mag-aasawa na tapos ikaw wala pa (Your sister’s about to get married and yet you still don’t have anybody)?”

I just let out a silent sigh of commiseration, turned my back towards the sink and did my laundry (I wash all of my stuff that I perceive to be too delicate to be entrusted to our housekeeper). She’ll probably never understand. Is marriage the be all and end all of a person’s existence? I just don’t get it. There’s got to be more to life than be relegated to the role of ‘wife.’

For a moment, I also thought about the flipside – that of partnership. Sure, it feels good to have someone but to pin my perception of being happy, my self-worth and my entire existence on a single individual? I don’t think so.

I also thought about the ‘Why Are You Still Single’ quiz that Angel took a couple of days earlier. She asked me to explain to her the results that she got after she took that test because of the big words that peppered that short 1-paragraph assessment of the cause of my friend’s not-so-blessed single blessedness. Words like ‘settling’ and ‘having standards.’

Do I have a high standard? Could be but I don’t think it’s that high. (Sweetie, you might be reading this – tell me the truth, okay? Do I have an impossibly high standard?) I just want the best for me and isn’t that what everybody wants as well?

My lunch break is over, I’ll probably… er, most likely put up an entry that expounds on the last part of this post.

Philippine Idol

2006-08-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

Week three of Philippine Idol and I am completely hooked. When that show first aired, it was merely out of curiosity that I watched it because I was wondering how it’d turn out. It’s a heavily publicized event over the last couple of weeks and I bet it has something to do with what I imagine to be a hefty franchise/licensing fee. The big question is if Philippine Idol would be on a par with its American counterpart which, if I might add, has launched the careers of both contest winners (Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood) and finalists (Clay Aiken, Tamyra Gray, Bo Bice). Another question that lurked at the back of my mind is if it’ll be anything like the local ones that we have on now.

On the other hand, maybe that was not worth asking. I mean, it is a definite possibility that they will strictly follow to the letter the format of the original show. After all, there’s that concept of quality control. Based on what I have witnessed, they surely got it right down to the very last detail – including the delusional loonies with the unbelievably Teflon tough confidence in themselves and their talent/s… or lack thereof. I seriously thought that nobody would be able to top the American version but I believe they would find the homegrown ‘palengkeras (girls and queens alike)’ as entities who would be able to give them a serious run for their money. My favorites would have to be the girl in the mint green top with the braces (the one who seriously thought that she was good enough for the American version… newsflash Dearie – you wouldn’t even get past the initial screeners) and the repetitious gay from the first episode.

On a more positive note, they were right on the money for choosing Ryan Agoncillo as the program’s host. I like Ryan. Who doesn’t? He’s got a squeaky clean image, a transparent personality, intelligent, very articulate in both English and Tagalog and gregarious. I had the chance to meet him a couple of years ago when he was filming in our school his ‘Trip ni Ryan’ segment for GMA 7’s early morning show. I found him to be easy to talk to and a very gracious person so he’s okay in my book.

As for the judges, I have mixed reactions about it. Pilita ‘Mamita’ Corales and Ryan ‘Mr. C’ Cayabyab are perfectly legal choices but I’m not so sure about Francis Magalona. Sure he’s a veteran of the Philippine music industry but I don’t like the way he’s doing his job. Almost always, he would ask either Mr. C or Mamita on what they think of the person who’s auditioning before he would render his verdict. I feel like he’s hiding behind Pilita and Ryan so as to avoid looking like the bad guy when he turns someone down. Come to think of it, I've rarely heard him say 'no' to a contestant because he would most often say "majority rules - Mamita and Mr. C's already said 'no.'"

If there’s one thing I’m thankful for about the judges, it is that they didn’t cast a judge who’s trying hard to be Simon Cowellesque. Sure, Philippine Idol might be a franchise of Pop Star but that doesn’t mean the local version has to compromise the Filipino psyche and sensibility in order to ensure uniformity with the franchisor’s format of having a highly acerbic, tough love judge. If we want the first and succeeding Philippine idols to be internationally viable, it would make sense to let him or her pass on a uniquely Filipino vibe rather than to be a complete copycat of the foreign formats.

I certainly hope that there’ll be changes for the better in the next couple of episodes. I’d certainly hate to prematurely terminate my budding romance with such a wonderful tv show.

Invisible War

2006-08-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

Invisible war, seems we're fighting an invisible war
Strained manoeuvres, keeping silent score
In this invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
Both wishing it was like before
In this invisible war

Talk about a fine line between love and hate
We've lost more than our direction of late
Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends
We've never been lovers and now we're not even friends

In this invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war

It wounded deeply the scar is here to stay
Opening up at all the little things I do and say
You always want things to be as before
So I make you angry and you bleed a little more

In this invisible war, seems that we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war

Want to go away I still love you
Got to go away I always love you
Got to be away Time heals all wounds

Invisible war

It’s a war zone here in the office between two of my co-workers and everybody else are the casualties of this war. I only hear her side of the story, I wish I’d be able to get his. It’s so strange to be here now because every step feels like it would cause an emotional landmine to explode. I want to do something to maybe help relieve the current standstill, precipitate this sickeningly stifling pseudo calm. I have ideas on what to do yet I am rendered powerless by my oath to her. I see her seethe with anger but suffer in silence; I want to crack his brain open and witness him cower from her for the first time. She always gives and you only take.

Dear Jon...

2006-08-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

I parted ways with someone very special over the weekend. Well, sort of. It started innocently enough with our long overdue plans of hooking up for the first time in years. But we ended up breaking hearts and with buckets of tears between us. I’m talking about Jon and I.

Jon was supposed to drop by my house a week but bailed out the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances. Last Saturday, his schedule was clear and I should be happy, right? I should have been but that was cut short by something coming up on mine. I was just so frustrated that I thought about everything. The thought that us not meant to see each other hit me like a tidal wave.

Remember what I wrote about Jon on my previous entry? As much as I hate to admit it, we were having an emotional affair. Jon would call me regularly, almost everyday and he would always be the first and last person that I talk throughout the entire day. Our conversation was just like it was a couple of years ago. Only this time though he would add to our informal list of things to talk about information that he would withhold from his girlfriend. I didn’t know why he did that but it has certainly made me understand him and his way of thinking better. And I certainly didn’t expect that our talk about nothing would turn into something.

That night that we were talking, I didn’t know what got into me but I just thought about walking away and stop communicating with him. It was both an irrational and rational move on my part. Irrational in the sense that things are kind of ho-hum; rational because I still can’t get the feeling that I’m only second string out of my mind. Jon tried his best to reassure me that I’m not but it’s a lie. His girl would always come first – that’s why he’s always the first one to initiate the conversation.

Ours was a complicated friendship/love affair of sorts but it’s funny because somehow it worked. Maybe because we both know what our boundaries are. He admits to me that he gets jealous every time he would ask me how my day went and I tell him about my dates. He would sheepishly add that he doesn’t have the right to tell me to stop seeing whichever guy but that’s how he feels. I, on the other hand, am a bit envious of his girl. He’s with her everyday and yet she seems to take him for granted. She doesn’t know how lucky she is.

Jon and I both have feelings for each other but I opted to walk away. I’ve been in a similar situation before and it ended in total heartbreak. I felt that the situation I was in with Jon was becoming more and more like the situation with Jay. I don’t want it to happen again. I was thinking that maybe this is my second chance to right the wrong that I did four years ago. Besides, I really couldn’t comprehend how he can tell me that he loves me and then on the same breath say to me that his girlfriend’s the one.

I sent Jon a text message saying I want out. He didn’t get it at first but when he finally did it was a complete sapfest. It was kind of like going through the stages of death at a really accelerated pace – anger, denial, resentment, resignation.

I was conflicted from that point on until the following morning. I felt like rejoicing and shooting myself at the same time. I was on my way to the office when I got another text message from him. He says he wants to meet me even at the risk of his girlfriend’s friends and acquaintances seeing the both of us together. He couldn’t wait until I was done with my appointment that he got on his car as soon as he woke up. He was supposed to go to the gym but he was too spaced out to even think about working out.

I thought it was pretty stupid but I agreed to meet him. The whole situation is pretty stupid if you ask me. It’s paradoxical because it’ll be the first time I’ll see him in two to three years and this might potentially turn out to be the last. The pull of my wanting closure and my wanting to say goodbye properly was too strong to resist. My dad dropped me off at the MRT Magallanes station and I took the train to the Taft Avenue station. Jon picked me up from that place and we drove around the Roxas Boulevard, Port Area and Aduana area while we talked about what our next step should be. I’m happy that we would be able to save the friendship. We’re giving each other a year to think things through before we communicate with each other again.

I stopped believing in happy endings years ago but I certainly hope that this’ll be an ending that I could live with. The only lingering question in my head right now is if I’m destined to be that one girl that straightens guys out for the next one that comes along or in two cases, the ones they’re already with.

Hope is not the conviction that things would turn out well but the belief that it all makes sense no matter how it ends.

I trust and believe in the infinite wisdom of the Universe.

Romance Rundown

2006-07-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

It’s been a couple of months since I last saw Eduardo and he is now somewhere over the Sahara Desert. His job took him there and it’ll be at least a year before he’s back in Manila. He left Manila around July 19th and that is, if I remember the date correctly. We were supposed to hook up for the very last time around the 8th but unforeseen events prevented us from doing so. I’m pretty much sure that he’s doing okay wherever he is since this would not be his first time to be in the Middle East. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him though. As a date, he was okay but there’s still room for improvement.

Shortly after I met Eduardo, Cathy and I bumped into Alvin at the Foreign Chambers Trade Fair in Megamall. I’ve always had a minor crush on him and I was quite surprised to see him there. I met him December of last year during the joint Christmas Party of my Toastmasters Club – Executive – and his – Butter ‘N Toast (Executive Toastmasters have a special bond with Butter ‘N Toast since the founding members of B’NT came from Executive). He’s cute – in a boyishly nerdy type of way. Alvin’s a thin and short of stature bespectacled Chinese who’s a couple of shades away from paper white. I don’t know what’s with me but I’ve always had a thing for guys with glasses.

Alvin’s the type of person that’s so very gregarious and easy to talk to. True to his geeky image, the range of things that we talked about spanned from A to Z. Long after Cathy left for Paranaque, Alvin and I were still engaged in a lively conversation. So much so that it carried over dinner at Teriyaki Boy. Oh and a couple of other movie and dinner dates too.

It was weird, I thought things were going well when he acted strangely during the last time we met up. We were over at the Powerbooks warehouse during their last sale period and he was unusually cold. Normally, he’d be the first to hold my hand but he just kept his distance all through out the night. I tried talking to him but he didn’t say anything concrete or definite. He just apologized and said something like “I shouldn’t have been affectionate in the first place” or something to that effect. I wonder if it was something I did, said, didn’t do or didn’t say. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

The same time that I was going out with Alvin, dear old Jon decided to come back from the dead. He’s the typical Chinese – pale as a ghost, tall and lanky, eats a whole lot but never gains weight (how I envy that genetic trait!). Jon and I have known each other for the last 4 or 5 years. We were dating back then but we became friends since our schedules didn’t really jibe. I was still working for a call center back then and he was still in med school so enough said. We lost touch about a year ago but now we’ve bounced back full time. It started when he either lost his cell phone or he bought a new unit. He was trying to recover all his contacts and he was desperately trying to recall my number from his memory. He forgot the sequence of my digits but he did remember that he still has my e-mail address.

I like Jon. He’s a nice guy but a bit naïve when we met. I’m surprised at how different he is now compared to the last time we were together. I’m a bit concerned though because I get the feeling that we’re having an emotional affair. He’s been with his girl for two years and every time we talk on the phone, he tells me how refreshing it is to tell me things he would never dare discuss with his girl.

He adds that he still likes me a lot and that we have this unshakeable connection. It’s true – we do have a connection. I wonder though, if it has anything to do with us not having had the chance to hook up as a couple. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I certainly hope it wouldn’t end up in me causing a break-up. My karma’s a bit fuzzy enough as it is and I certainly don’t want to add anything else to it.

About two to three weeks ago, I was surprised to have gotten a text message from Dave. He was an intern in my office during the summer and I didn’t think much of him. I only know him by name and don’t even ask me the question if I remember what he looks like. He’s known to be “the lazy one” by everyone so a lot of my co-workers always pick on him to do chores.

We were never close during the three months that he and his companions stayed with the company. I have no idea what he wants so I answer his messages for the sake of being polite. He’s dropped hints of wanting to ask me out but I paid no attention to it. Dating a younger guy just isn’t my thing under normal circumstances (well, you’ll never know. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years is that there’s always going to be an exception to the rule). We still converse through text messages every now and then but it looks to me that he’s fishing for information about me. Anyway, moving on…

The biggest question that I have right now is ‘what is up with my lovelife?’ If I’m unattached, my love life is non-existent. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. When I do have a love or a dating life – when it rains, it pours. Just crazy. Why can’t there be some sort of a balance to offset the socially deprived times?

I’m now dating Lei, an old colleague from Sykes. The first time we met, people completely thought we were weird and had a lot of loose screws in our heads. All we ever talked about were garishly gory stuff. Things like headhunting rituals and blood sacrifices of the ancients Mayans and Incans. Though he may not look like it, Lei is an intellectual and history is our forte. I like him a lot and I guess it has a lot to do with me getting to know him really well years before.

Three weeks ago, I was having some documents printed in an Internet shop located on the mall across our building. I was frantic because the documents I was printing was for a client. I though everything was okay but my client gave me new instructions the last minute. I was fussing over the things I have to fix and deliver to my client when somebody approached me. He tells me that he didn’t mean to snoop but he saw the documents I was printing and he can’t help but wonder about what we do. We introduce ourselves to each other and we do a little bit of shop talk. He says he know people who are part of the Training Dept for a call center and that he could help push for our product. I smile, say thanks and we exchange contact details. He leaves and I finish up on what I was fussing over earlier.

Later that afternoon, I receive a text message from Patrick saying thanks for paying attention to him. The next day, I get an invite from him for coffee. I say yes thinking it was a business meeting and I head over to his condo building. It was really funny because his condo building is less than 50 paces away from my office building. I met him at the building lobby and we head over to the Pool Deck restaurant.

When we settled down on our table, the talk was anything but business. It turns out that his first line to me turned out to be a very clever pick-up line. I’m still not at ease with him although I am sure that he must be a nice guy. It must be his age. He’s 35 but he does look young for his age. He asked me how old do I think he is and Patrick was dumbfounded when I got his age range correctly.

There’s just something about a much older guy that you can easily tell them apart from people slightly younger than them or people my age. He asked me what it was and my answer was quite vague. I can’t explain it fully but I just know. There’s something about their level of confidence. They’re very frank and direct to the point that they come out looking very intense, brash and aggressive.

Patrick and I had lunch last week and there’s just something about him that makes me feel uneasy. He’s been very vocal about how much he likes me and how demonstrative he is. I tell him that I'm going to be gone for a couple of months pretty soon for an out-of-town project and he pulls out all the stops to do some hystrionics about everyone he knows leaving. That was a huge turn off (his negativity) but okay, I'll let it slide since his feelings have to be acknowledged.

We finish our lunch date at Cyma (my friend Owen's family is part owner of that place and the food is muy delicioso! Loved the Meatless Moussaka :) They serve Greek fusion cuisine and it's located on the 6th floor of Shangri-La Mall near Starbucks) and I was on my way back to the office. I would've wanted to walk (we've relocated our office to Pearl Plaza in Ortigas Center) but he insisted on dropping me off to the office. Inside the cab, he asked me for my picture. We were talking on the phone the night before and he asked me to give him a picture of mine. I said yes but I was in such a hurry that morning that I completely forgot about it. He does have a right to feel bad about it but when he vocalized how he felt, it came out in such a way that it sounded very accusative of me deliberately forgetting it as if it's something very grave. That just pissed me off that I was nonresponsive when we parted ways.

I don't know if it's me being a fault finder but I was looking back on the time that we were talking on the phone. I've only known him for a short time and he was asking me to promise take good care of him. I thought WTF?!? The words that was coming out of him was akin to asking me for a serious commitment. Whoa down horsey! Didn't I just tell you several times that you're moving too fast for me? Now that I think about it, he sounded like a big baby and it's very unflattering for a guy his age. It's not what I would like to consider in a guy that I would want to date.

He's asked me out again before we left the restaurant and I said okay. I was supposed to take him to my Toastmasters meeting and to one of my favorite restaurants (Bellini's in Marikina Shoe Expo in Cubao) the next night but because of what happened at the cab, I just stopped contacting him.

Lei and I are supposed to go out tonight but he's sick so we'll just reschedule it some other day. He's been feeling under the weather for the last couple of days so it wasn't such a surprise. To think I was pretty much looking forward to seeing him play with his band. We were both disappointed but I told him that there'll always be another gig for his band but that his health is important and that that's the one thing he wouldn't have any second chances with.

Losing My Head Again - Part II

2006-07-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

I was scourging through my files this afternoon when I came across this entry that I meant to post last March or April.

I was just so friggin’ tired a couple of weeks ago. If you could just imagine the predicament that I was in – I go to work followed by going to Deutsch Unterricht with Cathy. Every morning, I usually would have to try my hardest to muster up the energy to get to work at all, resulting in my being late – around 10ish or sometimes even later. Once the clock hits around 5, I would dash out of the office like mad and catch the MRT going to the Santolan-Annapolis Station and then walk a couple of blocks to Herr Ang’s flat. It isn’t really normal if we end our sessions before 10 pm L

I know it is a pretty detailed explanation and that is my excuse for not being able to continue the second half of my story. But anyway, to make the long story short – I ended up having a one-night stand with Military guy. He was interested in us seeing each other again but I wasn’t sure I wanted the same thing as him. There’s just way too many things in my head – issues that I anticipate would pop up if some type of a relationship would form. I won’t elaborate on what those are because I would be listing some of them below.

At the present time, Military guy is long gone. I just couldn’t make up my mind about going out with him and I ended up driving him away. I don’t know whether it’d be fortunately or unfortunately would be the word that I would have to add.

I have observed a nasty habit of mine if I am unsure of a guy – I do a 1-2 step. I don’t really mean to do that but again, it has a lot to do with my not being able to come to a final decision. One minute I’m thinking about the positive side of hooking up with the individual in question and I am agreeable to making plans with him. The next minute when doubt sets in about going out with someone, I just completely shut down and they automatically get the impression that I am pushing them away after I reel them in. It’s happened before with me and the Saudi Arabian diplomat (who also happens to be at least a decade my senior).

I remember that it was a Wednesday night and the girls and I agreed to meet up to get a Brazilian job done over at Blue Wave, Macapagal Avenue. Military guy and I were texting each other when I asked him about his age. He tells me that he is 42. Forty fucking what?!? I’m the type of person that knows nothing about approximating one’s age by how they look and what happened afterwards was completely the slip of the tongue. I was so stunned that I wrote exactly what was in my head – that he is only 10 years younger than my dad and even asked if he’s having a midlife crisis.

It was a very innocent mistake and no doubt about it, my friends castigated me for dropping the two unmentionable words to somebody who’s transitioning into his advanced stage. Ouch! I did apologize the next day via text (I was guessing at this point that he probably didn’t want to talk to me ever again for my titanic faux pas) and as expected, no response.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen if I would accidentally bump into him or his friends again. Sure he’s a great and an intelligent guy but I’m no fan of May-December affairs. There were too many thoughts in my head – like how people from his circle would perceive me hooking up with him: 1) somebody way older and 2) somebody who’s out of my league if you’re talking in socio-economic terms. Both options are not too good and I don’t want to put a big burden on myself having to prove to other people a lot of different things. I also consulted with a lot of friends about my little predicament and most, if not all, thought of the same thing.

Besides, I probably would have to live up to the shadow of his ex-wife. Ex-wife was a sexy actress in the movies during the 80’s and is the daughter of a matinee idol-turned-politician. She’s now married to an inactive politician (translation: he lost during one particular election period)/scion of a former First Lady.

I bumped into Ex-wife and her current family during a recent outing to Rockwell and boy, am I glad to being so out of it all! I could just imagine the huge drama that it will be since Military Guy still has huge gripes about Ex-wife.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks and my dating life was again a dud. JP, the computer programmer friend of my ex-co-worker Sheryl, got relegated to really horrible schedule on the call center that he works for. The last time I saw him was during our Valentine’s Day date. We barely kept in touch as our schedule didn’t really jibe – he was awake when I was sleeping and he was asleep when I was awake. Communication lines during the weekend wasn’t feasible either as his rest day kept on changing every week. There was even a time when he wasn’t even allowed to have a rest day for two weeks straight!

Cam played matchmaker and gave my contact details to a friend. She didn’t tell me much about the guy and was just surprised when he started sending me text messages sometime around March. His name is Eduardo, an easy-going 30-year-bachelor. Mind you, he doesn’t look he’s 30. He’s a fun guy to be with as he’s very much capable of a highly intellectual conversation unlike some other people that I know from my past.

Martin knows about all this and we’re cool. We’ve talked about it in detail and we’ve settled all issues.

Mid Year Resolution

2006-07-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, I got inducted as the new VP for Education for the Executive Toastmasters Club. I never really realized how big of a task it is until it was spelled out to me in detail during the Induction of the new set of club officers. I am the second in command in the club and I got to thinking about what my goals are for the club during my term. Last year’s feat is a tough act to follow – President’s Distinguished Club Award (the highest award a club could achieve) – even though I was part of the club officers’ roster during the last fiscal term.

I am absolutely happy that Mark accepted the position of Secretary. This early, he’s proving himself to be the completely involved club officer. Note to self: He’s a busy man himself and I shouldn’t have excuses that would prevent me from carrying out my responsibilities. After the meeting ended last night, Mark and I started brainstorming about what we could do to improve and bolster our club’s strengths even further.

Mark is going to take over the ‘moderatorship’ of the Yahoo groups and he’ll start archiving everything. By that, I mean all the speakers’ speeches, the timer’s report and the dreaded Ah count. I was thinking about holding an awards ceremony type of program in the next couple of months and Mark’s plan is a perfect fit for what I want to do. I have noticed that the attendance and promptness of our members leaves much to be desired and I had the novel idea of handing out special prizes to drum up interest.

As for personal goals, I’m going to work on my CC and CL this year. While I’m going be on a 3-month hiatus from the club, I’ll make sure to write the remaining 7 speeches that I need. I’m expecting to be out of town from end of July until September for this government contract that my company got. Two key concepts to bear in mind – Lead by example (courtesy of Mr. Potential Khris Albano) and Do as I say not as I do (from Julia during her address to the members and guests last night).

One way that would stimulate me to do my speeches is to keep on writing whether it be in my blog or in my journal. Anyway, I’m crossing my fingers that my boss, RVD, will let me get involved with the paper that my immediate boss’ family owns as a writer. About a month back, RVD’s already asked me if I wanted to write for The Manila Times shortly after he read the proposal that I was working on at that time. I could certainly learn a lot from RVD as far as writing is concerned, he’s a Palanca Awardee for Literature in 1956 for his short story entitled “The Centipede.”

Sick

2006-07-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

I stayed at home today because I wasn't feeling well. It's the weather - hot throughout the entire day then it would rain at night without any warning at all. I went to Rockwell after I got off of work last Saturday. They were having a mallwide sale (up to 70% off) and I was hoping to get lucky to score a cheap 2GB Flash drive. Transfering files from my laptop is such a bitch without internet connection since I don't have a disk drive :( Burning files unto a CD is a complete waste if it would be just one file.

I wasn't able to find a flash drive but my mood was certainly uplifted after I got out of Beauty Bar :) I was able to buy a really good foundation from Pout with a 45% discount (50% if I had paid cash) :D The formulation was exactly what I was looking for - oil-free liquid foundation that goes on from a sheer to medium finish. The other thing that I love about Pout is their packaging - I'm a sucker for lace and Victorian design :D I also got a free make-over to boot using their latest line called the Goddess collection. Looks great on theory but I'm not too crazy about bronzers because it'll look disgustingly greasy on me and my oily complexion.

I got this from my e-mail today and I smell a scam...

Dear Mendoza,

My name is Mr. Yemi Daniel, a Banker with one of the leading banks here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire West Africa; I am the personal accounts manager to Mr. William Mendoza, who used to be a contractor with an oil servicing company based here in Cote Ivoire. My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the ill fated Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful. I decided to trace his last name over the internet, to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.

Of particular interest is this large deposit with our bank here, where the deceased has an account valued at about ($15 million US dollars) They have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or the bank will declare the account unserviceableAnd thereby send the funds to the government treasury. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 5 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. If you can handle this with me, reach me by sending the following informations now through this email account:

1. Your Name
2. Postal Address
3. Date of Birth
4. Telephone and fax numbers
5. Profession with position

Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation.
Sincerely yours
Yemi Daniel
yemidaniels882@hotmail.com

Changes Underway and Changes to Come

2006-06-10T23:39:00.000-07:00

I wrote this one last Friday but I wasn't able to post it due to blogger.com undergoing maintainance...

I haven't posted anything for the past couple of months and a lot has changed in a short span of time. A lot more changes will follow within the next week and well, I am at a loss on what I'm going to do. Tonight I'll be partying with one of my closest friends one last time. When I'll see her again, I do not know but I certainly hope that it'll be soon enough. Amidst the merriment that I foresee, deep down would still be that feeling of loss. I'm certainly going to miss her and I wish her the best of luck in what she's about to undertake. Bis bald und macht's gut sweetie :)

Let's see, what else? I am in the middle of an office row. Two rows actually and it could both be explosive. The first one is with a female co-worker. Totally my fault. I'm just not comfortable handling classes and I was very indifferent about it. There's that sense of urgency to hit the breaks before it's all a complete train wreck but somehow my thoughts linger as to how screwed up I am. I mean there's that feeling of intimidation as to how good she is at what she does and that I might never measure up to her.

The second's with a male co-worker. It's one of those situations where the intent of doing something is good but it ended up blowing in your face. I hate it when friends (especially this particular female friend-co-worker) come running to me with their problems and they seem so helpless. I want them to feel better but I certainly can't fight their battles for them. Lesson learned.

I'm a bit uncertain right now. My favorite granddad's got stomach cancer and he just had surgery yesterday. The last news I heard from my Aunt is that he's still in the ICU. I don't want to lose him. It would come to that eventually but I don't think that now is the time for that. I don't think I would ever be ready for that possibility.

On a happier note, I got asked by the President of our company if I want to write for the newspaper that my immediate boss' family owns. I've always wanted to write and I sure hope that this is it. I'm bound to make mistakes because I haven't been professionally trained but I certainly hope that I have what it would take to make writing my bread and butter.

I believe and trust in the infinite wisdom of the universe.

Losing My Head Again

2006-03-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

February 12th, around 3 pm I was mindlessly walking up and down the aisles of Video City while my mom checks for the VCDs that she plans to buy as pasalubong for my uncles and aunts in the States. My sister Angelee was with us and she was doing the same thing I was doing except that she’s disappeared into the side of the store. It was a typical Sunday afternoon for me and my family ever since we started to implement the family lunch-outs that started sometime in January. Or so I thought…

A couple of hours earlier, I found myself inside our parish church to hear mass. That was against my will, mind you. I mean, it’s not like I have a choice what with my dad hell bent on getting our entire family to do something simultaneously. I certainly would’ve loved to pass up on mass and proceed with doing everything else after that but alas, that was not the case.

As soon as mass was over we headed over to the car and started to debate where we’re going to eat. My sister Louise’s stomach was quite queasy and there was a unanimous decision to go back to the house first. We continued the debate at home and eventually settled on Heaven and Eggs over at Glorietta. Before we left the house, I changed my footwear – from the Mendrez kitten-heeled thong slides to my two-toned Fornarina pointed ballet flats. Smart move, Leslie.

Brunch at Heaven and Eggs was okay and we spent about a couple of hours enjoying our meal and the usual family conversations. It was even more enjoyable because it was my sister Louise who was paying for it ;p After our tab was paid, my dad took my sister Louise to the office and then dropped me, my mom and Angelee over at Megamall.

Fast forward to 3 pm – I was killing time by going through the disks displayed on the different shelves while waiting on my mom to finish picking the things she’s supposed to buy when I suddenly heard my phone’s ringtone go off. It was a text message from Amy inviting me to -- what?!? Okay, am I reading this right? Yep, it was for the 4th Annual Enrique Zobel Memorial Polo Cup.

Amy’s next message was to wear something fabulous. Fabulous?!? ‘You should’ve given me the invite BEFORE I left the house’ was the first thing that popped into my head. I then went on to describe what I was wearing to see if it would pass for what the other people at the Manila Polo Club would be wearing – a stripped, yellow sleeveless shirt with a collar from Anonymous (thanks Louise for letting me borrow that); my pleated, asymmetrical denim skirt from Mink (Chocolate and Company); my expensive-looking Theme satchel shoulder bag that I got from the ukay-ukay over at Lawton at such a dirt-cheap price (yay!!!); the scarab pendant that I bought from a stall in Santa Monica beach a couple of years back and my shoes *wink, wink*

I got a thumbs up from Amy, told my mom where I was going and went on my merry way to meet Amy. When I got to the Manila Polo Club, I went through the registration process and crossed my fingers that I’d win in the raffle – I wouldn’t mind getting a pair of Rayban sunglasses J I then went to the courtyard and proceeded to find Amy who was seated on the second to the last row on the left hand side. She introduced me to Bobby Aguirre, the friend that invited her to see the game. Apparently, his son was one of the polo players.

I’m more or less an ignoramus when it comes to sports since Physical Ed was never my favorite class. It was interesting to see how the game is played, how the players managed to focus on doing two to three things. Namely: riding the horse, chasing the ball and trying to score a goal.

The team wherein Bobby Aguirre’s son belonged to lost to the team composed of guest players like Mark Field, David Stirling and Mark Austin. The winning team was headed by none other than Inigo Zobel who turned out to be one of Amy’s friends. From what she told me, she became friends with him during the time that he was dating one of Amy’s model friends (Amy was a former beauty queen/NY model).

The whole thing was very surreal – I got to meet all of the polo players during the cocktails and several other interesting people. I was, in a way, star struck because I this was just way out of my league. I was hobnobbing with luminaries from the upper crust of Manila’s business and society.

Amy, being the eternal party girl, said yes without any hesitations when the news of an after-party at Nuvo in Greenbelt started to spread. She met up with an old friend, Ito, who took us to the venue. Over at Nuvo, Amy settled on the table where her friend Inigo and all the other polo players were.

It was very unnerving. I was seated with new acquaintances Fred, Malou and Ito and I was basically having a great time but my thoughts were somewhat focused on Inigo’s daughter Bianca. She was chatting with the female polo player and I could imagine that they were talking about me and what the hell was I doing there. Am I being paranoid? I can’t answer that question since I didn’t have any clue as to what Bianca and her friend was discussing.

I was pretty much buzzed that night as the wine didn’t stop flowing from the cocktails at the Manila Polo Club until we got to Nuvo. Amy’s friend Ito chatted me up the entire time that we were in Nuvo. The conversation started with him explaining to Fred (who was sitting on the adjacent table) what the tattoos on each of his hands meant. He asked me where I live and then followed it up with how am I going to get home when he found out that I’m from Marikina. He offered to give me a ride since he said that he lived in White Plains.

To be continued…

February Roundup

2006-03-14T03:51:00.000-08:00

I've been a very bad blogger over the last couple of weeks, neglecting to update my mouthpiece for the longest time now. I've been extremely busy juggling everything - workload, my social life and some extra-curricular activities.

Workload first - this is probably the craziest month I've had so far what with several projects overlapping each other. There's only Angel and I for the Marketing Department in our company and we've just been stretching ourselves too thin. I have developed a distaste for a certain superior for his being the world's biggest O.C. worrywart because of everything that's been happening.

Social life - I think I've just single-handedly burned the bridges with a potential valuable asset for my company. I'll let you in on the details some other time. Gist of the story: me + too much alcohol + pre-conceived notions = bad idea.

Extra-curricular activities - I've just been promoted to AVP for Education in Executive Toastmasters Club and the responsibility of making sure that there is a program for every meeting now falls on my shoulders. To top it off, I've pressured myself into getting my CTM with a June 30th deadline. Why June 30th? Toastmasters International recently had a realignment of their offering which has already taken in effect as of January 1, 2006. It's a long story that it deserves a separate entry. Recently, Cathy and I also got ourselves a tutor for Deutschkurs. It's going swimmingly well and I hope it'd help a lot in preparing myself for the FSO (Foreign Service Officership) Exam offered by the DFA.

So that's 1 whole month of my life in a nutshell.

Oh and before I forget, here are the remaining songs from 22 - 28 February.

Someone To Watch Over Me (Julia Fordham)
I became an instant fan of Gerschwin because of this song and I just love Julia Fordham! Too bad though that OPM artists have driven 'Love Moves (In Mysterious Ways)' into overkill :( Don't mind the seemingly male voice, that's what makes her Julia Fordham and what makes her stand out apart from her being a truly gifted composer and songwriter.

Never Is A Promise (Fiona Apple)
I've been following her music ever since she released her first single came out. She's just very refreshing to listen to - her lyrics are a mouthful but meaningful, her melody ranges from something trippy to a little on the heavy side. She's the type of artist that I would grow old with as her lyrics become even more mature (her lyrics were mature for her age when she started) with the passing of time. Her play on words and artistry is just awesome and yet her songs as a whole never loses their relevance.

Power of Love
I so love this song so much that I have all three versions stored in my laptop - Jennifer Rush's, Laura Branigan's and Celine Dion's. Out of all three, I favor Celine Dion's the most.

Muntik Na Kitang Minahal (The Company)
An OPM classic that I will never grow tired of listening. What I love most about the song is the way the group sings - a capella.

Butterfly (Mariah Carey)
It was a neck and neck race between 'Butterfly' and the a capella version of 'One Sweet Day' but it's the message of the song that does it for me. Mariah's really talented and all but oo bad that at the present time, she just can't keep herself clothed and dressed according to her age.

Nobody Does It Better (Carly Simon)
The number one culprit for turning me into a Carly Simon fan was the film called 'Little Black Book.' It was included in Continental Airlines' roster of In-flight Entertainment - I think I was on my way to Newark International from Narita. I have this habit of picking memorable lines from movies that I watched and liked and most of what I got from this film is almost always intertwined with a specific Carly Simon song.

Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti (Christina Aguilera)
I liked her songs when she first came but thought of her a bimbo. It wasn't really her fault since during that time, all the female pop singers that came out on that span of time were blond (think of Mandy Moore, Willa Ford, Hoku). She was able to salvage herself in my eyes because this girl sure as hell has a great set of pipes and was fiercely independent. When I found out she was releasing a Spanish language album, I practically bugged my mom to buy it for me when she went to the States.

For February 20th and the 21st

2006-02-21T01:23:00.000-08:00

After All (Cher and Peter Cetera)

*One of the best duets ever! I think that most of Cher's songs are corny and that the lyrics suck big time. This definitely couldn't have been her words but Peter's (the cutie frontman of the band Chicago).*

Well here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight

I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always
Brings me back to you

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

When love is truly right
This time it's truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it grows
And oh the way it grows
But it never disappears

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

Always just beyond my touch
Though I needed you so much
After all what else is living for
Whoa

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

Some Good Things Never Last (Barbra Streissand)

*I became a Streissand fan because of this song. People now give me weird looks when I start singing 'The Way We Were.' Hahaha!!!*

It's three in the morning
You're nowhere in sight
And all that I wanted was
To be with you tonight
I've watched love get closer
And then fade away
I've seen you believe in me
I've seen you trying to stay
But what good is holding on
When you know that all
You can think about is letting go
They say if you love someone
Then set them free
If they come back again
Then in the end it was meant to be
I thought we were lovers
I thought we were friends
I guess when reality steps in
The dreaming ends
We live for the future
We learn from the past
No matter how hard we try
Some good things never last
All you can think about is letting go
Be true to yourself, my love
That's all I ever wanted you to be
Just don't forget to smile
When you think of me
I' ll reach for the stars
I have got them in sight
There's someone who really needs me
Out there in the night
We'll live for the future
We'll learn from the past
No matter how hard we try
Some good things never last
Why can't they last?

For February 15th to 19th

2006-02-21T00:16:00.000-08:00

What Do We Mean To Each Other (Sergio Mendes)

*I've long heard this song on the radio since I was a little kid and I didn't think anything of it back then. A couple of days earlier, I was utterly tormented trying to find out what the title of the song is and who sang it. I didn't really have a clue because the only line that stuck to my mind was 'Do you love me still or do you just mean well' and I got a false memory that it was Cher who sang this song due in part to the similar melody with 'After All,' a duet that she had with Peter Cetera. Danke schoen Sol! I couldn't have found everything without your help ;p*

I'd rather know if you had turned the page
If you go faster than I do
Suddenly it's not so clear just what I am to you
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend, am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

I can see clearly how I'm hurting you
Every breath gives you a way
All we go on separate roads has gone in the way
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you hold me, when you hold me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend, am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

Time became a poison looking slowly on my home
Screwing all the memories, is it tearing us apart
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend, am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend, am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

Caught Out There (Kelis)

*Very first single that I heard from her, years before she released her super popular single-to-date 'Milkshake.' This is dedicated to my exes especially Mike the jock*

Last year, Valentine’s day, you would spoil me, say
"Babe, I love you, love you and I swear"
Held you when you were sick heavin’
The whole time I think to myself, this isn’t fair

What is this I see (No)
You don’t come home to me (Oh, no)
When you don’t come home to me (Man)
Can’t deal, can’t bear

You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I found her red coat
And your bitch caught out there

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

So sick of your games, I’ll set your truck to flames
And watch it blow up, blow up, tell me (How you gonna see it now)
So far I’m sincere {I love you}, fabrications in my ear
Drive me so far up the wall, I come slidin’ down

What is this I see (I don’t believe this)
You don’t come home to me
When you don’t come home to me
I can’t deal, can’t bear (I won’t)

You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I hope you’re happy
Since you’re caught out there

Yeah, you’ve been caught
Yo, come on
Come on

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

(She's so) Oh, cheap, so vulgar, not me, why the hell her
Look, she dresses (Look at her) a mess, what do you see (I don't know)
It's not all about cash (Hell, no), nor how much you flash
How I dress is a reflection of me

What is this I see
You don't come home to me (Uh-uh)
When you don't come home to me
Can't deal, can't bear (Told you I won't)

You keep tellin' me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I got somethin' for y'all
Since you're caught out there

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Ugh...
I hate you so much right now

Since U've Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson)

*For another ex of mine - Jay the theater actor/serial philanderer/sex addict. Emphasize on the first three stanzas*

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it?
You put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on
Yeah, yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

Time To Say Goodbye (Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman)

*I must admit that I was a total ignoramus about a lot of musical genres outside of pop, punk, rock, alternative and hip-hop when I heard this song during my high school days. If I remember it right, it was the chart show of DeutscheWelle called Big (the predecessor of today's Pop Xport). Man, do I miss that show together with H.E.A.T. (English)/100 Grad (Deutsch)! I used to have the biggest crush on the tv presenter Alistair :D who hosts both English language shows. *

(Con te partir)
Sarah:
Quando sono sola
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
si lo so che non c' luce
in una stanza quando manca il sole,
se non ci sei tu con me, con me.
Su le finestre
mostra a tutti il mio cuore
che hai accesso,
chiudi dentro me
la luce che
hai incontrato per strada.

Time to say goodbye
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso si li vivr
Con te partir
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono pi,
it's time to say goodbye

Andrea:
Quando sei lontana
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
e io si lo so
che sei con me, con me,
tu mia luna tu sei qui con me,
mio sole tu sei qui con me,
con me, con me, con me

Time to say goodbye
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso s li vivr.
Con te partir
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono pi,

Both:
con te io li rivivr.
Con te partir
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono pi,
con te io li rivivr.
Con te partir

Io con te.

The Only One (Lionel Richie)

*I got to know this song because of Angel, this is her favorite songs of all time. I did a little digging this afternoon and found out that this is a composition Lionel Richie collaborated with David Foster, the guy I consider to be the maestro of ballads. I just love David Foster's songs - it's all so very different (as varied as the artists he works with) and yet there's that distinct quality that makes it unmistakably a David Foster original.*

Let me tell you now
All that's on my mind
For a love like yours
Is oh, so very hard to find
I've looked inside myself
Now I'm very sure
There can only be, you for me
I need you more and more....

You, turned me inside out and you showed me
What life was about
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away
I wanna do all I can, just to show you
Make you understand
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away

When you're in my arms
When I'm close to you
There's a magic in your touch
That just comes shining through
Want you everyday
Want you every night
There can only be, you for me
You make it seem so right
Oh, girl, cause.....

You, turned me inside out and you showed me
What life was about
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away

In my mind, there's no other love
You're the only girl my heart and soul is thinking of
Only you, only me
There can never ever be another
That understands the way that I feel inside
Cause....

You,turned me inside out and you showed me
What life was about
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away
Yeah, you, turned me inside out and you showed me
What life was about
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away

(you stole my heart away)
You stole it (you stole my heart away)
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away
Yeah you (you stole my heart away)
Oh you stole it ( you stole my heart away)
Only you, the only one that stole my heart away
You stole my heart away
Stole it (you stole my heart away)
Only you baby, the only one that stole my heart away

For February 11 - 14th

2006-02-17T03:34:00.000-08:00

One Last Cry (Brian McKnight)

*The classic that I will never, ever grow tired of.*

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry.....

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I goota put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

Cherish (Madonna)

*I'm the biggest Madonna fan ever! Love the classics as they're just great while the one that she has on now is mediocre*

So tired of broken hearts and losing at this game
Before I start this dance
I take a chance in telling you
I want more than just romance
You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see
Cupid please take your aim at me

Chorus:

Cherish the thought
Of always having you here by my side (oh baby I)
Cherish the joy
You keep bringing it into my life (I'm always singing it)
Cherish your strength
You got the power to make me feel good (and baby I)
Perish the thought
Of ever leaving, I never would

I was never satisfied with casual encounters
I can't hide my need for two hearts that bleed with burning love
That's the way it's got to be
Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet
So don't underestimate my point of view

(chorus)

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you
Who? You! I could never forget to
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet
So don't underestimate my point of view

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you
Who? You! I could never forget to
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

(chorus)

Give me faith give me joy, my boy
I will always cherish you

Long and Lasting Love (Crystal Gayle)

*This song always manages to bring me to tears. I don't what is with this song but I guess maybe it has something to do with turning into reality what the lyrics were saying*

A long and lasting love
Not many people find it
But those who do their whole life through
Put their heart and soul behind it
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I'd really seen love
A long and lasting love
Chorus:
We got a once in a lifetime
All the dreams we've waited for
Are just beginning to come true
It happens once in a lifetime
When you find that special girl
Who knows the meaning of love like you
A long and lasting love
We share for many reasons
A special bond
That goes beyond the changing of the seasons
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
I knew I'd really seen love
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
My long and lasting love

La Vie En Rose (Edith Piaf)
*My favorite song of all time. I first came across this one during this one episode of 'The Pretender' when Sydney told Ms. Parker and Doyle that this is his mother's favorite songs. I don't understand French but there's something about the melody and the voice of Ms. Piaf that cuts across the language barrier. No wonder France is dubbed as the most romantic country in the world*

Des yeux qui font baiser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,
Voila le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.

Il me dit des mots d'amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ca me fait quelque chose.

Il est entre dans mon coeur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.

C'est lui pour moi. Moi pour lui
Dans la vie,
Il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.

Et des que je l'apercois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat

Des nuits d'amour a ne plus en finir
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
Des enuis des chagrins, des phases
Heureux, heureux a en mourir.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.

Il me dit des mots d'amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ca me fait quelque chose.

Il est entre dans mon coeur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.

C'est toi pour moi. Moi pour toi
Dans la vie,
Il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.

Et des que je l'apercois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat

For February 8th, 9th and 10th

2006-02-14T19:21:00.000-08:00

Final Distance (Utada Hikaru)

*I've been a big fan of hers since the release of the ballad 'First Love.' I think this is even better because the mood is definitely a lot darker compared to the former. You should try listening to this single, it's very haunting even if you don't really understand the words.*

Ki ni naru noni kikenai
Oyogitsukarete kimi made mukuchi ni naru

Aitai noni mienai nami ni osarete
Mata sukoshi tooku naru

Togirenai you ni
Keep it going baby
Onaji kimochi ja nai nara tell me
Muri wa shinai shugi demo
Sukoshi nara shite mitemo ii yo

I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance chijimete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start over
Hitotsu ni wa narenai

I wanna be with you now
Itsu no hi ka distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We can start sooner
Yappari I wanna be with you

Hitokoto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa
Kodoku wo oshiete kureru

Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby
Yakusoku toori ja nai kedo trust me
Muri wa shinai shugi demo
Kimi to narashite mitemo ii yo

I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance mitsumete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start over
Kotoba de tsutaetai

I wanna be with you now
Sono uchi ni distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We should stay together
Yappari I need to be with you

(English translation)
I'm anxious but I can't say anything
I'm tired of swimming, even you've become silent

I want to see you, but an invisible wave pushes us
Again, just a little more distance

Try not to stop keep it going baby
If you don't feel the same then tell me
Even if your principle is to not try
It's alright to try a little

I wanna be with you now
Let's shorten the distance with the two of us
We can still make it on time
We can start over
We can't be as one

I wanna be with you
Someday even this distance
We'll be able to embrace
We can start sooner
After all I wanna be with you

You, who gets hurt with a single word
Taught me what loneliness is

When you can't protect me keep on trying baby
It's not as I promised but trust me
My principle is to not try but
I would do it for you

I wanna be with you now
Look at our distance with the two of us
We can still make it
We can start over
I want to tell you with words

I wanna be with you now
One day, even the distance
I'll be able to embrace
We should stay together
After all, I need to be with you

My Immortal (Evanescence)

*Instant fan since their single 'Bring Me To Life' came out for the Daredevil soundtrack. Their second single has got to be my favorite - the lyrics pack quite a punch, the melody is pleasingly haunting (scenario in my head - you're all alone inside an old, abandoned house when the piano starts to play a tune that seemingly comes from the grave) and the video just blew me away. I could literally feel the 'brokenness' that this song is trying to convey.*

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

Somewhere Down The Road (Barry Manilow)

*I've loved this song since I was a kid and it became even more meaningful a couple of years ago during a really bad break up. John, if you're reading this, I'd like to thank you for all that you've done for me during the saddest time in my life. You're the best friend a girl could ever wish for or have. See you soon, buddy!*

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours
Are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay

But somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours will come to see
That you belong with me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together

I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home

And somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours will come to see
That you belong with me

Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come

Cause somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours will come to see
That you belong with me

For February 6th and 7th

2006-02-05T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ever After (Bonnie Bailey)

*I'm going out of town for the next couple of days so I'm going to do two postings today. Bonnie Bailey's song is the number one song to date that has given me the longest case of LSS (Last Song Syndrome). It's a pretty catchy club track with the phat beats and all but I love the lyrics even more - a rather realistic portrait that you rarely... or actually never hear from a lot of love songs -- "I love you inspite of..." and not "I love you because..."

Three years ago my journey began
Chasin down this cure no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark
Just no wind with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell all for your imperfections

Now its slightly weathered, its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like were floating when the rest of them climb
You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful, twisted sunshine
Emotions: volcanic eruptions
We both took care so were still alive
Tunnel vision . . . determination
I want you, I want to make it right

Now its slightly weathered its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

Now its slightly weathered its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Spend My Life With You (Eric Benet and Tamia)

*I was an instant fan of both artists when I first heard this song - the lyrics are very meaningful and the melody is very catchy. I'm hoping to find someone whom I could dedicate this song to one day. I'm young and I have all the time in the world ;p*

I never knew such a day could come
And I never knew such a love
Could be inside of one
And I never knew what my life was for
But now that you're here I know for sure

I never knew till I looked in your eyes
I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life
And I never knew that my heart could feel
So precious and pure
One love so real

Can I just see you every morning when
I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me
Every night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you

Now baby the days and the weeks
And the years will roll by
But nothing will change the love inside
Of you and I

And baby I'll never find any words
That could explain
Just how much my heart my life
My soul you've changed

Can you run to these open arms
When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
I'm your woman, and you're my man
Can't you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you

No touch has ever felt so wonderful
(You are incredible)
No deeper love I've never known
(I'll never let you go)
I swear this love is true
(Now and forever to you, to you)
Only for you

Can I just see you every morning when
I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me
Every night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you

Can you run to these open arms
When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
You're my woman, and you're my man
Can't you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you

Can I just spend my life with you
Can I just spend my life with you
(Forever here with you)
Can I just spend my life with you
Can I just see you every morning when I
Open my eyes

February 5th

2006-02-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful (Stuart Damon and Leslie Ann Warren from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella - 1965)

*When Sky Cable was relatively new, they had a channel called the "I Channel" and they featured a lot of programs that catered mostly to kids. I watched a lot of programs ("The Nanny") and specials ("The Cave of the Golden Rose") during that particular time and Cinderella is my absolute favorite! I fell in love with that film the moment I watched it and when Disney came out with their own production special during the late 90's, I made sure to never miss it. Too bad though, that Disney has no plans to release their version of Cinderella on video! There's just a timeless quality to Rodgers and Hammerstein's work that even if I live long enough to complete a century, I would never grow tired or sick of their compositions.*

PRINCE
Do I love you because you're beautiful
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
Am I making believe I see in you
A girl too lovely to
Be really true?

Do I want you because you're wonderful
Or are you wonderul because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream
Or are you really as beautiful as you seem?

CINDERELLA
Am I making believe I see in you a man too
Perfect to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful, or
Are you wonderful because I want you?

BOTH
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's Dream
Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

I Can't Make You Love Me (February 4)

2006-02-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Raitt)

*I've posted this song before but I just love it. I came across this one during the mid-'90's; during George Michael's MTV Live special being rerun on TV to be specific. It wasn't really love at first sight but there was a time that the song highly resonated how I was feeling. Funny how powerful songs could be, I introduced this song to my current batch of co-workers and Sol became as attached to the song as I was. This song is currently on the Top 5 list of songs that made our speakers in the office bled*

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

Dream A Little Dream (February 3rd)

2006-02-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Dream A Little Dream (Ella Fitzgerald and Louie Armstrong)

*What can I say? I'm an old soul in a young person's body ;p*

[Ella]
(Improvisation)
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me
Say "Nighty-night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

[Louis]
Stars fading but I linger on dear

[Ella]
Oh how you linger on

[Louis]
Still craving your kiss

[Ella]
How you crave my kiss

[Louis]
Now I'm longin' to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

[Ella]
Give me a little kiss
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

[Louis]
(Improvisation)
Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
Yeah, I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this, yes

[Ella & Louis]
Sweet dreams

(Louis)
Dreamin'

[Ella]
Till sunbeams find you
Keep dreaming

[Louis]
Gotta keep dreamin'

[Ella]
Leave your worries far behind you

[Ella & Louis]
But in your dreams, whatever they be

[Ella]
You gotta make me a promise
Promise to me you'll dream
Dream a little dream of me

Crash Into Me

2006-02-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

Crash Into Me (Dave Matthews Band)

*Whoever said that love songs are in the exclusive domain of pop or R&B is absolutely mistaken. The style by which the songwriter and the singer expresses themselves are different, unconventional/unorthodox even but a love song nonetheless.*

You’ve got your ball
You’ve got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Who’s got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart
I’ll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Lost for you
I’m so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream
Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I’m bare boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream
If I’ve gone overboard
Then I’m begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I’m holding you so girl
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. in a boys dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I’d like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Something New For February

2006-02-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

February officially started a couple of days ago and I'm quite excited. Barely 3 weeks left and it's already my birthday. One more candle to add to the cake and I feel very ambivalent about it all. "Age Ain't Nothing But A Number," Aaliyah sang a couple of years ago and I agree. I'm certainly happy to be older (especially during the time that I was a teenager) but now I'm not so sure. Age doesn't indicate a person's level of maturity or achievement or whatever it is you're supposed to be at a certain period in your life. How do you know if you're merely growing old and not growing up?

Forgive me, it's one of those brain farts again. Nothing like an impending plus one on the birthday cake to make one feel very introspective all of a sudden.

Anyway, since February is also the month of hearts I thought about posting the lyrics of my favorite (love) songs. One song for every day in February. Don't get me wrong though, I may be a tad bit romantic but Valentine's Day itself is so overrated. Not to mention highly commercialized.

February 1st
On The Side of Angels (LeAnn Rimes)

* I first encountered this song when I watched her Christmas special being aired on the Hallmark Network some ten odd years ago. I immediately loved the song for the message it brings - HOPE*

I've never been so certain
I've never been sure
We're on the side of angels
If we believe this love is pure
Is it so hard to trust it
'Cause we've been wrong before?
There comes a time in every life
We find the heart we're waiting for

After all the might-have-beens
The close and distant calls
After all the try-agains
Don't be afraid to fall
We're on the side of angels after all
Every time you touch me
Don't you feel it too?
The gentle hand that's guiding us
You to me, me to you

After all the might-have-beens
The close and distant calls
After all the try-agains
Don't be afraid to fall
We're on the side of angels after all

Heaven only knows
Why this took so long
But only Heaven knows
A love is right or wrong

After all the might-have-beens
The close and distant calls
After all the try-agains
Don't be afraid to fall
We're on the side of angels
On the side of angels
On the side of angels, after all.

Kissing 101: "Can I Kiss You?"

2006-01-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday night, I’m alone in my living room with the telly all to myself with ‘Honey’ playing in the background. I thought the story is very typical – down and out but talented girl getting a taste fame and gets burned; goes back to her roots and gets her priorities straight to emerge as a local hero to find fame the second time around on her own terms. There was one scene that stuck to me though – the part wherein the barber shop owner kissed Jessica Alba’s character.

Let me explain to you why…

A couple of weeks ago Hannah, myself and another co-worker (I forgot who it was. Should I be worried that my memory’s this bad when I haven’t even hit the mid-20’s range? I’m scared, this might the side effects of one too many Valium and weed :\ Going back to the subject…) were having one of those talks during a merienda break at work. I don’t really remember where we started but it ended up on the topic that I just described on the first paragraph.

Hannah said something to this effect – ‘A guy that asks permission to kiss me just turns me off.’ I was just very introspective shortly after the Goddess/Panginoon Hannah let out that statement. That little scenario happened to me twice on two separate occasions – once with Gilbert and more recently, with Kim.

At that particular time that I was with these two, I thought that it was pretty sweet of them since after all it seemed very respectful of them to do so – to test my boundaries first. Gilbert, I just met him a couple of days earlier. Kim, he was my friend alright but I don’t know him that well. In addition, it’s been ages since I last heard from or seen the guy so it felt a little bit like starting from scratch even though we both shared this crazy, memorable trip back in college.

Looking back, Hannah’s absofuckolutely and bloody hell right. I mean, think about it – you’re both in THAT pose. Yes, that unmistakable pose wherein you’re facing each other, your eyes meet at just the right time and your faces are about one baby step away from each other. He asks you that question and then suddenly it feels very anti-climatic. There’s that momentum going on in there and it just flat out drops so low you could well be six feet under. If you have romantic thoughts fluttering around in your pretty, little head, it goes kaput in an instant and the idealized sequence of events are ruined forever.

Second point is that they seem like sissies now. Are they man enough to take charge of the situation? Were they even born with a ball or two? I may be a willful, no nonsense, tough as nails, headstrong and independent woman but the operative word is still WOMAN. Somehow, somewhere at the back of my mind, the picture of a guy sweeping me off of my feet is still in there. You just have to take a closer look.

Girls, I hope you enjoyed my little rant. Guys, just suck it up and take a chance. Sometimes, a girl just needs to have her fantasies fulfilled.

Closet Queen

2006-01-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

I happened to tune in to Myx just now and found that they have a special on the Backstreet Boys. They were in town last Friday for a concert which I didn’t go to, by the way. I think I’m going to finish watching this special just for the heck of it.

I have two insights about the whole thing: the first one would be that I can’t believe how old I am. I’m only twenty two and yet the whole thing makes me feel like it was a lifetime ago. Second was that I was really pathetic during most of my teenage years. I was probably the most annoying teenybopper on the face of the earth. Just ask my mom, my dad and my sisters. This was fueled by my fanaticism over a certain boyband that I mentioned above. Don’t even get me started on how crazy I was over them at that time. Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Mid-December of last year, Gerlie, my old friend from high school and college, sent me a text message out of the blue. It said that the Backstreet Boys are going to have a concert by the 20th of January. She said she really wanted to go with me but honestly, I couldn’t care less. If that happened ten year ago then I would’ve said yes without batting an eyelash. Maniacal screams mandatory. For a brief moment, I was in shock and disbelief that after all this time, she’s still a big fan as the Gerlie I knew wayback when.

My initial thoughts were why now that they’re considered by many in the music industry as has beens. They couldn’t get gigs in Europe and in the States that they’re finally tapping into the places that they’ve ignored during the height of their fame? Maybe it’s just the jaded, sarcastic me. But then again, it maybe the product of my growing up and my outgrowing that particular chapter of my life.

Speaking of has-been musicians arriving in the country, that’s the big trend that I’ve noticed over the last couple of years – Boyz II Men, a lot of ‘50’s, ‘60’s, ‘70’s groups and solo acts. The most recent one would be Pat Upton and The Lettermen. What is up with that?

Best Laid Plan Gone Wrong

2006-01-17T22:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Martin's birthday and I kinda had a little surprise in store for him. Unfortunately, things didn't quite work out as planned. I was supposed to call him around 7 am (his time zone), maybe even be his wake up call but that didn't happen. Why, you may ask? I left my phone at home :(

It's all my fault, actually. I was in a street corner waiting for the FX to take me to Cubao when I thought of taking a peek inside my bag for my phone. I thought I saw it and didn't take notice. When I did take a closer look, I found out that my eyes deceived me. At first I thought that it's okay and that it might be a sign of some sorts that something bad's going to happen or something (so I'm a bit superstitious). Only when I got to the office did I remember about my little surprise!

To top things off, there was a little mayhem in the office. Mike was supposed to have a meeting with one of our clients in his office in the Jordanian Consulate but he wasn't able to make it due to his falling ill the previous night. The client was already in the Jordanian Consulate and nobody was attending to them. 'Sacre bleu!' I was practically stuck on the phone for about half an hour or so trying to coordinate the rescheduling of the meeting for today.

I was tempted to go home during lunch break to grab my phone since I planned to call Martin by 2 pm in here. But then, I decided otherwise because it'd take me 3 hours to go from the office to my house and vice versa. I already had a major screw up yesterday (it slipped out of my mind that somebody was supposed to see me by 9 am and I wasn't able to arrive in the office until around noontime) and didn't want to commit another today for fear of being reprimanded or penalized by my other boss - Sir Arnold.

I resolved the issue by going home early - leaving the office around 5 pm so that I'll be home by 7 since it'll still be noontime over in Mainz.

I finally called Martin's cellular phone and there's no answer. I settled for leaving a message in his voicemail and felt a little stupid. I didn't really know what to say and caused me to stutter a bit. I mean, after all I was expecting to talk to Martin and not some pre-recorded message. Afterwards, I went about my business.

I was chatting with Ian and we were discussing his plans to move to Manila when I got a text message from Martin - "Hi Sweetie!Thank you for calling me!Was in university,the Prof tried to kill me!:)..."

My immediate reaction was "What the fuck have I done?!?"

I seriously thought he was at work taking his lunch break. I didn't remember until minutes later that Martin only goes to work during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

"I can't believe I just got him into trouble! Of all the days to do that, it just had to be his birthday."

I called Martin again but this time, though, I finally got to talk to him. I just couldn't stop apologizing profusely to him during the first 30 seconds of the conversation. I was quite relieved to find out that even though his professor disliked cell phones going off in class, Martin didn't get into serious trouble.

I'm crossing my fingers that the e-card I sent him hours earlier made up for that little fiasco :D

Babbling To Myself

2006-01-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

I'm just so bored - my life is full of random nothingness over the past couple of weeks. I feel like hyperventilating a bit since I'm set to deliver my Speech Project number two for my Toastmasters Club meeting this coming Thursday and I'm still in shambles on what I'm supposed to do. I have written something down and I'm just about halfway through with it but I have this nagging suspicion that something's wrong with it and I just can't put my finger on what it is exactly. At least I have all bases covered when I take over the Table Topics Master. I'm so very relieved about that. I'm just crossing my fingers that the others would think it creative.

I wasn't able to post last week because I wasn't really in the mood for it but this was what I wrote:

Everything’s okay in my world again. I fretted over nothing – just my paranoia and my insecurities. Probably it’s because nothing much is happening to me these days. You know, that old saying wherein idle hands are the devil’s playground. Not that I believe in devils, mind you. Maybe I just have way too much time on my hands that I start torturing myself with a lot of what ifs on things that are uncertain or things that I don’t know about. This is one annoying habit that I have to curtail.

What if this isn’t just a habit? What if it’s part of my personality? I suddenly remembered the old mystic that my dad brought home several years ago. I couldn’t recall the exact words that she used but what I do remember was that she told me that I am very inquisitive by nature. Maybe that’s why I question everything.

Enough with the babbling already.

:D

2006-01-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

Sweetie, guess what? I think I might have found what I was looking for ;p
Happy birthday!

The Idiots in Government

2006-01-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

Me and my mom were seething when we both came in our respective offices this morning. We had been waiting in line for an hour and a half for the shuttle vehicles that goes straight to Makati. When we first got to the shuttle station a couple of blocks from our house, the long was so long that it would need at least 5 shuttle vehicles (each vehicle holds up to 14 individuals) to accommodate everybody.

Both my mom and I were bewildered about what could’ve caused such major delays. Makati’s too far to be affected by the traffic rerouting scheme that they were implementing in Quiapo for the Feast of the Black Nazarene. What the hell’s happening?!?

It was only later on did we find out about what caused the incident this morning – an idiot named Bautista from the Traffic Management Group of the LTFRB issued a directive that all shuttle vehicles be in white. When did the issue the directive? Oh sometime last week. What about the time for implementation? This morning which is absolutely stupid on the LTFRB’s part. It would’ve been fine if they gave them enough time to make the necessary changes and as well as time for the drivers to save up for the expenses of changing the color of their vehicles.

Their moronic directive entailed that drivers who does not follow it would have to have their vehicles impounded. The drivers of these shuttle vehicles are either too scared to get caught and be charged with a hefty fine or they’ve already been caught causing a huge deficit of vehicles compared to the number of passengers.

Way to go you nincompoops! Who’s suffering now? Certainly not your very comfortable toushies. It’s an absolute lose-lose situation for both the passengers and the shuttle drivers/operators – it’s hard to get to work on time for commuters like me while the others lose their income. Whoever put that imbecile on top aught to shoot their brains out.

Some Sort of A Crossroad

2006-01-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

It's 2006 already and there's just a lot of things in my head right now. A new year is symbolic of being a tabularasa. Or it could be the other way around - you're stuck in the middle between the sweeping changes of the year that was and the year that it will be.

I feel a little of both. I'm certainly hopeful enough for a brighter future and a better me. I've already made my New Year's resolution and I'm slowly starting to try sticking to it. Nothing fancy or radically life changing - just the affirmation that I will start to eat healthier. That means lowering my intake of carbonated beverages and going back to my old work-out routine.

For the latter, read on...

Let’s start with December 30th. I hung out with my college friend Kim in Robinson’s Galleria. It’s been ages since I last saw that guy – prolly a year ago during Lance’s baptism (he’s the son of Racqs, one of my best friends during college) and he’s still boyishly cute. We thought about seeing a movie when I remembered that the Manila Film Festival is currently on going. Just for kicks, we decided to watch Jose Javier Reyes’ ‘Kutob.’

I hated the film right after the scene where the fortune teller foretold nothing but doom to the movies’ main characters. They showed a lot of the Death, Devil, The Hanged Man and the 10 of Swords. I read Tarot Cards and I am just outraged by the propagation of the negative stereotype against the art of Tarot Card reading. For those who would like to protest, I absolutely get the fact that that sequence of events help bolster the plot but for crying out loud, they violated a couple of Psychic Laws!

First one would be to interpret the cards in the most positive light possible. Why is that? More than anything, negativity sticks to the mind the most. If you tell someone that s/he will die, their minds would be focused on only that part of the reading. The mind is such a powerful thing, it is very much capable of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Death doesn’t mean just physical mortality but also the symbolic demise of ideas or things that don’t prove useful to you anymore. It tells the person to shed even negative feelings and excess baggage in order to start life anew.

The Devil is representative of one person’s shadow aspects – simply put, negative traits. Everybody has them since nobody’s perfect. What The Devil is trying to say is for a person to acknowledge that yes, it may be undesirable, but still the shadow traits are a part of your personality.

The Hanged Man, at first glance, looks as if the guy’s in a state of limbo. Quite the contrary actually, the halo around his head represents that he is tapping into wisdom and knowledge from the Powers That Be. He may look like he’s in an uncomfortable position being upside down and all but he also represents seeing things from a different perspective.

The 10 of Swords shows a man lying on the ground with 10 swords stuck on his back while the earth underneath him is soaked in his blood. Just like the Death card, the argument that one will perish soon or encounter an accident is very non sequitur. The true meaning of the 10 of Swords is recognizing that one’s state of mind might be fixated on living up to the ‘Victim persona.’

The second Psychic Law that has been broken – once you open an issue, make sure that you close it. The fortune teller in the movie just gave the main characters dire warnings of what’s in store for them. Should she have explained to them in detail what she saw in the cards, the characters would’ve been able to make wise decisions.

As the movie progressed, I forgot all about my irritation with the atrocity that the movie committed against the art of Tarot Card reading. I was taken aback when Kim tilted his face near mine and asked me if he could kiss me. I said ‘no’ and immediately turned my head towards the screen. It took me a while before I was able to answer his follow up question of ‘why?’ I told him that I’m already with someone and it just felt awkward from that point on.

When Kim asked me out, I assumed that it was a friendly get together. I guess he was assuming that it was a date. And he never asked if I have a boyfriend or not. I have a lot of guy friends and I’ve always been the touchy feely type of person. Could he have mistaken it for affection?

I would’ve loved to kiss him – if it happened 5 years ago. I had a crush on him but he was interested in someone else. A lot of things have happened to me over the last couple of years and that just changed everything. I’ve been with boys all my life and had been burned by them one too many times. If I could borrow a line from the Spice Girls’ song ‘Too Much’ - “I need a man not a boy who thinks he can.”

Also at the back of my mind – “What if I misconstrued Martin’s terminology of us being ‘in a relationship’?” That it’s merely friendship and not couplesville. Some of our correspondences are in Deutsch. I haven’t mastered the language yet and there are certainly a lot of underlying nuances that I don’t know yet. I mean, try searching for the word boyfriend/girlfriend (significant other) in Deutch and you get Freund/Freundin which carries the same meaning as ‘a friend who happens to be a boy/girl.’

I never really seriously questioned what the phrase ‘in a relationship’ means. That is, until now. I tried to clear it up with him right after I read what he wrote on our correspondence a couple of months back but nothing came of it. It just confused me even further what with a little language barrier. A couple of e-mails later, he started the practice of calling me with a term for endearment. The term of endearment in question is something that I use with my really close friends like the girls.

I became a tad bit paranoid all of a sudden since LDR (long distance relationships) don’t operate under the same rules as regular relationships. ‘What if I’m holding out for nothing all because of a wrong assumption?’ I’m much too afraid of what my karmic repercussions would be for cheating so I look but never act on it. If I did, would it even be considered cheating? I’m very much like a lawyer (I actually want to become one) – terms would have to be explained to me in detail just to be sure. I certainly don’t want to be caught in the middle or be in a compromising position. That’s what I feel like right now with ‘in a relationship.’

Just in this morning – ex-girlfriend (ex-significant other) Dani’s back in town and it looks like it’s FOR GOOD. Should I feel threatened?

Filler: My co-worker Angel asked me to help her set up her blog a couple of days ago. Now, she understands why I'm addicted to it. She's hooked into the whole writing your heart and mind out that she's resolved to create a new post everyday.

I'll write about what happened to me on the financial front on a later post. This post is too long already.

22 And Married?

2005-12-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve and I was seated on the car with my younger sister Louise and her boyfriend Alex when they broke to me the news of their plans to get married by December of next year. I was absolutely happy for my sister right after hearing the news but I also felt a little shudder run down my spine. Not that I’m envious of her or anything but out of sheer concern.

“She’s only 21, she’s too young to get married! Is she aware of how grave a decision getting married would be? There’s gotta be a lot more in store for her over the next couple of years and this is what she wants to do? Can she handle the consequences of being married at a young age? What if she’s already married and she discovers that Alex is not ‘the one’?” That was what my mind was telling me.

I’m just being a realist and this might sound very pessimistic but I seriously doubt the viability of their union. The thought that raced through my mind is whether or not the both of them are psychologically and emotionally mature enough to handle such big responsibilities that marriage ensues. My mom, Angelee (our youngest sister) and I are accustomed to them fighting every week – may it about the most mundane things or major issues. Honestly speaking, I’ve lost count how many times we’ve all caught my sister crying on the phone as she and Alex are angrily battling it out over the copper lines. Both of them could be very immature about things and my sister, in particular, could become the most bullish and stubborn person I know apart from myself.

Since I am an outsider to their relationship, I don’t really have the right to judge them but based on what I see, they still have a lot to learn about relationships even if they’ve been together for nearly 4 years. Compromise would be the number one lesson. One of the last things that they fought about was that Alex prohibited Louise from doing certain things while he himself didn’t abide by their agreement.

The second lesson that they need to learn is communication. Louise gets irritated easily (“pikon”) and when she does, she gives you the biggest pout coupled with silent treatment. There was a time when I tried being the sounding board/mediator for the both of them since they had trouble seeing each other’s point of view and showed some signs of their relationship being on the rocks.

Lesson number three would be trust. My sister is the overly jealous type. During the time that I tried to be a mediator, Alex has told me more than several times that they fought about Louise being jealous of me talking to Alex. I love my sister and I would never do anything to wreak havoc on her relationship with Alex but her paranoia was just whack, I’m telling you.

Another thing that concerns me is if they’ll be okay financially. Louise has got a very good job right now but Alex doesn’t. Sure, Alex works for the business that his family owns but what else does he have to fall back on aside from Mommy and Daddy’s money?

I’m conflicted if I should tell her how I feel about her getting married. I’m afraid that she might misconstrue concerns as hints that I don’t think Alex isn’t worthy of her. That’s already happened once when she asked me what I think of him.

I’m the biggest proponent of “It’s-better-to-make-a-mistake-than-have-shoulda-coulda-woulda’s” philosophy but marriage is a definite exception. The Philippines is one of the only two countries in the world where divorce is still not legal. Apart from that, we’re also highly notable for the inefficiency of the courts and the church for annulling marriages. It would literally take ages before declaring a marriage as null and void comes to fruition.

In the Philippines, there is very strong pressure coming from both the society and the church to preserve the marriage “for the sake of the children” even if it means being very destructive for both parents. Battered wives surely get the shorter end of the stick as they are more or less expected to grin and bear with it, other people in their surrounding refusing to take action against the violence being perpetrated by reasoning out that it’s something to be discussed by just the husband and the wife (“away mag-asawa lang iyan”).

Call me crazy, paranoid or pessimistic but if that's what I'm going to get out of marriage then I'd rather not get married at all.

Out With The Girls

2005-12-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

I’ve been in front of the computer for the last two and half hours checking my e-mails, browsing my frequented blogs and websites. I’ve also been listening to my newly bought CD’s – Christian Bautista debut and sophomore album (okay, so I’m a sucker for cute guys with a good set of pipes :D) and Nina’s Live Album (the only reason I bought a copy is because Christian Bautista’s in it otherwise I would’ve just downloaded it. I know that’s bad but times are hard so freebies are very much welcome ;p)

After how many postponements, the girls and I have finally gotten around to meeting up yesterday, Boxing Day. Over the last couple of weeks, it’s hard to pin the four of us together in one room and at the same time what with all the Christmas parties and what-have-you’s cropping up left and right. It didn’t help that Kestrel’s dad gave her a 10 pm curfew which bummed out the four of us.

Anyways, we agreed to rendezvous by 8 pm in Shanri-La Plaza Mall just hours before. We were all relieved that Jewel was able to come since she had a scheduled overtime. She said that she was going to try to make it but it turned out that the programmers weren’t able to finish their part on time. Kestrel was the first to arrive – 7:30 pm – as she was scouting for materials to use for another Crossplay costume. I got there 10 minutes to 8, hoping I could take a quick stroll over at Mango and Topshop (stroll – I didn’t say shop) and see what have they got in there. I would’ve arrived earlier but I waited for Alex (my sister’s boyfriend) to pick us up at home since I was hitching a ride with them.

It took quite some time for Jewel and Cathy to arrive and that gave me and Kes time to figure out where we’re going to eat. I was really hungry but Kes only wanted to eat dessert as she is still quite full. We went around the entire 5th floor checking out the restaurants. We stopped by Cravings and was just about to reserve a table for us when the thought of looking for other places seemed like a better idea. Kes had mentioned a French restaurant that she went to and proceeded to look for it. We failed to find it and just settled for the first restaurant we saw – Bon Appetit.

It turned out to be a very bad decision. The food was great but the service just sucked. First thing I noticed was that the waiters looked very gloomy like that their frowns were permanently etched in their faces. Plus, it took forever before the waiters attended to us. You literally have to hoist your arms up in the air for a long span of time before they’d come to our table. There’s this one guy who saw me raise my arm but just ignored me and proceeded to clean one counter. He didn’t even have the decency to tell one of his colleagues that we needed something! One more thing that irritated me was that they didn’t even alert us that we were supposed to place our last orders, in case we had any. Urrgh! I wanted dessert!

By the end of our meal, we were all grumbling to ourselves and to each other how lividly bad their service is. We were even more pissed when we got the bill – the waiter that went to our booth was very rude and they had the nerve to slap us with a 10% service charge. What the fuck?!? Where was the service? We certainly didn’t see it anywhere. Cathy, upon handing the payment over to the attending waiter, told them off about not deserving to be given any service charge for the worse-than-lousy service. If they call that service at all.

It might be the end of the day but it is absolutely not an excuse to give lousy service. Giving unsatisfactory customer service is like biting the hand that feeds them. Without the customers or patrons of any establishment, they wouldn’t have a job.

Moving on, Kestrel had to go home right after we left the restaurant. Jewel had to go back to the office to start testing the website that the developers have been working on since that morning. Cathy and I still didn’t want to go home so we’ve decided to pass the time in Jewel’s office. Kestrel gave us a ride to Jewel’s office in Emerald Avenue and dropped us off at the Starbucks two building away from Jewel’s office building.

After purchasing our drinks, we went straight to Jewel’s office and managed to fool the guard into thinking that we were working with Jewel. We gave the guard the excuse that Cathy and I left our ID’s on our workstations ;p We had a fun time talking about stuff while Jewel was working. When it came time to go home, Jewel went home with me since she’s lost her keys to the apartment that she shares with her sister in Antipolo and nobody’s in there at the moment.

It’s great to have Jewel at home – a lot of reminiscing about our high school days (we were classmates for two years) and updating each other about our other common friends from high school. Next time that she sleeps over, she’ll be helping me with changing my hair color since she’s the expert ;p

I’ll be seeing those three again tomorrow – they’ll be cosplaying (crossplaying for Kestrel) at the International Gift Show in Megamall. I wish them the best of luck and may one of them bring home the prize of being the best cosplayer :D

The Shopaholic 'Fesses Up

2005-12-14T01:56:00.000-08:00

The song “Santa Baby (Gimme, Gimme, Gimme)” is playing on my laptop right this very minute. I’m thinking of stuff that I have on my Christmas wish list – the ‘Yayana’ variant from Stella McCartney’s footware line at Adidas, the Mrs Fairy ring and the Starissim set from Swatch Bijoux, the Quartz Power Ring from Diane von Furstenberg, the pair of slippers from Philippe Starck (I’m such a big fan of his designs – I’ve collected the 4-piece jewelry-watch line he created with Fossil), Creative’s 20 MB Zen Micro and Motorola’s A780.

Some of these things on my list are well within my budget while some are not but there’s definitely no harm in dreaming that one day, I just might be able to afford some of those goodies. I am, admittedly, a shopaholic (a big time at that) and I’m damn proud of it!

I was watching the Today Show this morning and I tuned in just in time for their feature on the new research that shopping has positive health effects. Campbell Brown, filling in for a sick Katie Couric, had two guests on the show – Psychotherapist/author Olivia Mellan and Money Magazine’s Jean Chatzky. Both guests had a lot to say about the topic (for example, they explain that men “go for the kill” while women are natural hoarders) and answered the question of ‘how,’ ‘why’ and ‘what can be done’ to curtail shopping’s negative effect.

How? It’s pretty much obvious - purchases give the individual an instant gratification and I bet everybody can relate to that. I mean, who wouldn’t be happy if they found the perfect outfit or got to buy what their heart’s desire is with a huge discount attached to it? As to the question of why – shopping triggers the release of the chemical ‘dopamine’ in the brain. Dopamine is primarily responsible for the feeling of happiness and ecstasy. Need I say more?

There’s a saying that what comes up must come down. It’s the same thing with shopping – you get both the highs and the lows. The lows would be being an overspender and having a nasty case of buyer’s remorse. Both are so very true for me at times although some people might disagree ;p

It’s interesting because Olivia has identified 5 distinct shopping personalities – the ‘Money Is Love’ spender, ‘Blue Light’ spender, ‘Overboard’ spender, ‘Esteem’ spender and the ‘I’ll Show You’ spender.

The first shopping personality shops to lift one’s mood; the second one (to which I partly belong to) are “consummate bargain hunters;” people belonging to the third category are collectors (people who have such a huge collection of something that they could open their own museum); Esteem spenders go for designer duds (a tad bit guilty on this one as well) and I’ll Show You spenders are revenge shoppers a.k.a. girlfriends/wives going on shopping sprees using their man’s money or credit card as a way to make them pay for something that they’ve done wrong.

Jean Chatzky gave four useful tips on how not to overspend – Don’t shop when you are not in the right mood as it will allow you to make really bad choices. Know what triggers your impulses to shop as a preventive measure. Think of the bigger reward of not spending your money now and keep a picture of your long-term goals in your wallet as a reminder. Put items that you want on hold and see if the urge to buy it is still strong after a couple of days.

I’ve recently overcome credit card debt and believe me I’ve definitely learned my lesson on making smart choices when it comes to my finances. I’m trying real hard to curb the shopaholic in me and only time will tell whether I win the battle or not. I’ve recently opened a savings account and I’m just about ready to start the practice of putting away a percentage of my salary to use on a rainy day. As much as possible, I no longer go to work with my credit cards to prevent me from buying any more unnecessary stuff. I’m happy that my mom confiscated my other credit cards a couple of months ago.

I’m thinking of buying Olivia Mellan’s book “Overcoming Overspending” to prevent the possibility of having a relapse. It would definitely be a good investment. Also, I now closely follow MP Dunleavey’s column on MSN Money, especially the ones about the Women in Red and the “Take Total Financial Control Campaign.”

The Biggest Lie

2005-12-12T02:09:00.000-08:00

Martin wrote to me early last week that he recently went out with his ex-girlfriend Dani to a club in Frankfurt two weekends ago. He adds that she’s taking a break from her studies in Holland and recently came back to town. His good friend Bene accompanied him and she as well by her Finnish friend (he didn’t tell me her name). Things didn’t go well throughout the entire trip because when they got to the club, they had a ‘Gay and Lesbian’ night theme (not that he’s homophobic – his best friend Michael’s bi) and their misfortune was topped off with a huge row between him and Dani about things that happened in the past when they were still together. I admit that I was a tad bit curious as to what it was about but didn’t really bother asking since it’s their business and not mine.

Anyways, that just got me thinking – the biggest lie that you could ever say to someone after you’ve broken up is ‘Can we still be friends?’ Sure, there might be a number of cases wherein it’s highly successful but in most cases, it’s not. I mean, there’s a lot of complications and as well as questions with regards to being friends with an ex. Is it really over? How could you expect to move on if constantly you’re reminded of her/him or his/her presence still hovers near? Are both parties ready to face the nuclear fallout that breaking up has created? How do you handle snoopy friends and relatives? What if one of you finds a new love? Would you be able to find the necessary closure if that would be the situation?

I have two unique experiences on being friends with an ex. My first ex was Alvin, a guy I dated for a little over a year. He’s an okay guy but I just fell out of “love” (for lack of a better term) with him. We still kept in touch until he found out I was seeing my next ex – Jay.

Jay and I started out as really close friends. I knew he had a girlfriend but he kept on telling me that he fell for me due to our constant togetherness. Our personalities jibed really well, our schools are adjacent to one another and his house is just walking distance away from mine. He would often pick me up to and from my house to school and when we were in school, we would meet during breaks to smoke (footnote: I no longer smoke) at our spot – the famed “Friendship Bridge” that connected Miriam College and Ateneo de Manila University. We would always hang out together during the weekends. There were times when we were together 7 days a week while he and his girlfriend (now his wife) Abby haven’t seen or spoken to each other for days.

As soon as Jay entered the picture, Alvin became increasingly agitated until he got to the point that he finally ‘fessed up – that he wants us to get back together. The lowest that Alvin ever went to was to beg repeatedly for us to give the relationship a second shot. I said ‘no’ and that just broke his heart.

With Jay, he said that he’ll break up with the both of us so that he could think things over after our mutual friend Coco found out about our coupling. Soon afterwards, I found myself just being friends with him – hanging out in this particular fishball store half-way between his house and mine. We still talked the way we talked before and there was no indication of trouble whatsoever. At that time, I was still hopeful that things would turn out okay for “us” but he just faded away. I would text him but I wouldn’t get a reply. Just about the only time he tried to contact me was when he wanted to “make love” as he would call it; that was about after a year. It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made – I agreed for old time’s sake thinking he’s going to keep his promise to come back when he’s free. When we were done, he was suddenly very distant and cold and I’ve never heard from him ever again.

I felt crushed. Crushed that he gave me false hope. Crushed that I was too stupid not to see it coming. Crushed that my heart got broken into a million pieces as he left me standing there in my driveway – too stunned for words and too numb to cry.

Hhmmm....

2005-12-05T22:05:00.000-08:00

I got this in my e-mail this morning. I don’t know if I should laugh or if I should freak out. I also don’t know how the hell this person was able to get a hold of my e-mail address.

Hello,
greeting's to you in matchless name of our
God" how is your health? hope fine" to God be the
glory.
my main of mailing you is that there is something in
mind that i want to tell which i can not hide in mind
any longer since have seen your profile, that is why i
must confess and tell you right now.
i keep on thinking of you" my co-worker was
worried about me, but i only know what really happen
with me and it's you .
Firstly" im happen and know you will love my work
as a musician bco's if you dont love my work, it could
be hard for me to make you have interest in me.
im a man,looking for a Godly fearing
wife to marry b4 the year end's.
you may wonder why am yet to marry" yes you're right"
but i will explain to you the reason, due to my work
,though female love to see me playing at the stage,
there interest to see me on show's tell's me that am
not doing bad and i appreciate it but yet i've made a
vow within me that i can never to get's into
relationship with any club girl's or club woman,
year's ago this make me sad without a person" not
untill i met you , i dont know how to convince you
for you to allow me into your life, pls let's start a
new life together????
you're the only one im having for now that i can
call a wife " only if you accept me, God know's that
am saying you the truth and bco's you mean so much to
me now, you dont know how important you are to me.
i know you may probable wonder how you mean to me"
so i'd like to share this with you to tell you that
you mean's the world to me YEMI..
this is why am using this oppurtunity to mail you
now before it's too late, and i'm using it to share my
hearth with you bco'slooking at your profile i
believe you're a caring, humble and God fearing
person" i just want to say I LOVE YOU.....
i bear you in my heart" this is going to be first
time i will have some one ever met physical and so
close to me like this, I APPRECIATE IT.
I have not met you before" yet you have won me
over, i think of you every moment, i imagine your
graceful stride toward's my heart, body and soul and
your king sized hug's.
i have not seen your smile yet i imagine it's
sparkle, i have not slept by your side, yet you cuddle
me to relax" non sleep.
i imagine us doing thing's to each other,promissing
never let go and to remain as one at all time.
i have not seen you physically but you appear to me
like an angel in my dream.
you are the pricess that conquered my world and im
your slave in love, yet" i have not met you"" Oh what
an abstract love.............
JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVEYOUUUUUU ....
YEMI...............
from benin Republic
NB/i will like you also to send your pic's to the
above mail address, i want to be seeing you often in
my bed room,
YEMI......

The question right now is if I should reply to his e-mail message. I don't know what to think of what he wrote - if he's serious or if he's just tripping or if he's psycho. He's very poetic, I give him credit for that but he just wreaks of desperation. What person in his right mind would give a marriage proposal to a complete stranger?

Sorry, dude, I'm taken.

Coincidence?

2005-12-05T01:06:00.000-08:00

While I was preparing to dress up for work this morning, the telly was tuned in to ‘The Insider’ and the major story was about the anorexic Australian twins. I was mortified to see how frail and sickly they look. They’re only in their 30’s and yet they look as if they’ve already hit their 90’s.

When I got to the office, the first thing I saw in my mailbox was the new digest from WebMD and the focus is on Ana and Mia. I read all the related articles about them at such lightning speed that I was done in no time. I suddenly thought about the past and everything just makes sense now. I AM ANOREXIC… or at least, I used to be.

The earliest memory that I have of me obsessing about my weight was when I was about 8 or 9, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my grandmother and her younger sister. They were trying to offer me some hopia for merienda but I declined, saying I’m going to get fat or something. Instantly, my grandmother began her tirade about Karen Carpenter and her death. I’m not really sure what specific day that was but I think that was the time after I saw a tv-movie about her. I think that that was also the time that my grandmother introduced the term ‘anorexia’ to me. I didn’t fully grasp the concept behind that big word until a couple of years later.

I was in high school and the thing I remember the most was me joining my friends in the library for our entire lunch break just to read books. The thought about me eating during recess is also kind of fuzzy. Practically the same thing happened during my college years – going out with my friends for lunch break just to watch them eat saying that I’m not that hungry. Summer breaks, I remember exercising like crazy – 60 to 90 minutes straight in the Thread Mill or in the Stair Master and eat only crackers throughout the entire day for weeks on end. I researched a lot on the internet anything and everything about dieting and losing weight.

Things would get worse a couple of weeks before our scheduled mandatory check ups in the clinic. I obsessed a lot about reaching my target weight – no more than 80 pounds and would weigh myself everyday to see how my progress is. That perverted attitude continued up to the time that I entered the work force but it didn’t really last long. I think I grew tired of it after how many years. On the one hand, the stress from my old job taught me the concept of food being my way to cope. Up to now, I’m not really sure what happened that just shook me up completely about my old eating habits. Maybe it was a combination of everything. I mean, I did discover how much fun exercise could be when I bought my first Swiss/gym/physio ball or whatever you want to call it.

I’m wondering now what would’ve happened if my distorted thoughts about my body image prevailed. I could honestly say that I’m okay now in terms of eating and dieting but I still observe that sometimes when people notice that I’ve been gaining weight, my knee jerk reaction would be very averse when the three letter word is mentioned within their comment – F, A and T.

The Inventory

2005-12-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

I've finally moved back to my parents' place in Marikina after living with my grandmom, my Aunt Lydia and her two kids for about a year or so. It was Thursday last week when my grandmom talked to me about my aunt's husband coming home by the first week of December (they don't know exactly when, though) and that I'd have to vacate the place a.s.a.p. because they don't have any room to spare (My aunt and her kids and my grandmom sleep in the master bedroom. When Uncle Rudy comes back, the kids would move to my room to give their parents some much needed alone time and privacy). That news just left me stunned because my grandmom's place is very ideal - it's located in between Makati and Malate, making it easy (not to mention cheap) for me to go home after gimiks (especially if I had one drink too many). Plus, I love the fact that my grandmom is not my mom in the sense that she doesn't ask a lot of questions when I go home late or if I go out with my friends.

Saturday that week, I've packed 75% of my stuff (mostly clothes and shoes) while doing my laundry at the same time. I really hate moving - packing up is a bitch and unpacking and putting everything away in their proper place is even harder. Saturday afternoon, I went to UP Kame to meet up with Jewel and Cathy so I could give them their pasalubong. It' my first time to attend such an event and it was so cool - didn't expect Thom to be cosplaying. Going back to my story, went home to my parents' house that night and returned to my grandmom's the next day to get my stuff (my dad's picking me up because he had our van with him).

I didn't know that my aunt packed the rest of my stuff and temporarily stashed them in the stock room. I just couldn't believe my eyes how stuff I have - those items I came to my grandmom's house with and those that I manage to accumulate during my stay.

I’ve decided to do a little inventory on all my clothes, shoes and accessories. Up to now, I’m still not done due to a lot of interruptions :D but the main discovery is that there’s a lot of things that I haven’t been able to use because of the sheer volume of things that I have. Still, that doesn’t stop me from making new acquisitions ;p Now, I’m trying my best to curb my ‘shopaholic’ side and it’s even harder to control than smoking :D So many goodies out there! Sale periods makes it even easier to justify purchases and using plastic makes it a lot harder to track down how much money that I have or don't have that I've already spent.

Just My Luck!

2005-11-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I just got back from a three-day business/pleasure trip to Hong Kong and I must say that it was absolutely refreshing. It was an unexpected trip actually. Friday last week, Ms. Ressie (our HR Manager) came bursting into our office and broke the news that our boss’ dad wants me to accompany him to China to do a presentation for a potential client. It was supposed to be my boss who’s scheduled to go with him but would be unable to since he has his MBA classes.

I was absolutely thrilled upon hearing the news because I’ve never been to that country before. But I didn’t think much of it since the last time they announced that I’m going to a business trip outside of the country (South Korea to be exact), it didn’t push through due to logistical reasons. I just didn’t want to believe it for the fear that it might get jinxed just like what happened the first time they said the same thing. The thought that the trip would really materialize sank on my mind Monday night when I finally got the tickets.

Hong Kong is absolutely beautiful! Our hotel (the Marco Polo Gateway) was located in the shopping district and there was eye candy everywhere! Too bad though that most of the stores carry items that are way out of my budget at this point – Fendi, Louis Vuitton, Christian Dior, Prada, Escada, Gucci and all the others. However, I am very much thrilled to have found this amazing pair of boxers’ sneakers from this store in Nathan Road J It was a bit expensive (HK$570) but it was absolutely worth it since the brand is something that you won’t find in Manila.

I love the energy of that city – it reminds me so much of New York City, how it’s still very much alive even during the wee hours of the morning. What I love most about Hong Kong is their skyline – it would make for a magnificent cityscape subject should I decide to start painting again. It’s interesting to observe the peaks and drops as my eyes surveyed everything - from one structure to another, you feel like you can play connect the dots. All the high-rise buildings exude different auras, a flavor all their own.

I’m very much impressed with the city planning that they were able to execute in Hong Kong. They’re able to maximize even the smallest of spaces and turn it into a functional work of art. I could just imagine how much time and energy engineers and artisans spent at the drawing board to make Hong Kong what it looks like today.

It was a short trip and I wish I would’ve loved to stay a little longer if only circumstances had allowed me to do so. Mark my words Hong Kong – I shall return! I don’t know when though. Hopefully soon.

A New Career Path?

2005-11-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

I was surprised to have gotten an e-mail from a lady in Vancouver this morning. She says she’s read my shopping blog and that she liked what she saw. In fact, she’s asked me if I could help her out by being her purchaser. She’s putting up her own boutique in her area and she’s very much interested in selling goods and accessories made from the Philippines.

I was in disbelief for a brief moment but I felt really excited about it. I mean, I’d get paid to do what I really love! Then I thought - ‘Wow! This is kinda out of my league. If and when this pushes through, would I be able to pull it off? Hey wait, I don’t know a single thing about being a ‘pro’ purchaser! I think I have to undergo some kind of tutelage before I cause chaos or something. Then a more important thought popped into my head, is this the real deal?’

I thought about asking my Tarot cards but then I don’t have it with me right now. Brilliant idea – go to Nouel’s website! Nouel Rasella was my Tarot card reading teacher and he is just so very good at what he does. I finally got to his free card reading page and I asked two questions – one about the present and one about the future. I’m very intrigued as the answers were promising. I’d definitely have to make a few clarifications once I get home.

I suddenly remembered my friend Mimic. I could definitely use her help as she’s in the retail business – she served as a Purchasing Officer for SM and Operations Manager for Buffalo. I wonder if her number’s still the same. Well, I guess I’ll have to wait for her text to find out.

Shopping and fashion has always had a special place in my heart and to be involved in the industry in one way or another would definitely be a dream come true. I have this theory that the reason why I'm such a shopaholic and a fashionista now is because of my childhood. I'm the eldest of three children but I'm the smallest in terms of height and built so I always get the hand-me-downs instead of the other way round. When I was growing up, whenever my parents and I and my two sisters would go shopping, everything had to conform to my parents' style especially my mom's. My mom's style is very blah and it's just a recipe for disaster. It also didn't help that my mom's a really good spendthrift! I'm not sure if she got that from the Chinese or the Filipino side of the family but anyways.....

I remember this one incident when I was about 7 years old. We were shopping for shoes in SM Department Store and I wanted this fancy schmancy black and white polka-dotted sandals with lace-up straps. I begged and pleaded for as long as I can remember but in the end, my mom won since she had the purchasing power and I didn't :( I ended up with a pair of boyish-looking mocassins!

Now that I handle my own finances, she has very little say on what I wear or buy :) It's really funny because now, it's my mom who listens to me for some fashion advise ;p

Harry Potter and Skype and Everything In Between

2005-11-17T02:31:00.000-08:00

After how many months, I’ve finally gotten around to installing Skype on my laptop. I really didn’t see the point of downloading it, that is, until two days ago. My co-workers and I are forever calling our provincial office and Skype proved to be a more cost-effective way to do so.

I officially joined the bandwagon around 4 pm. It took me a long time to finish doing the set-up because I installed the program in Deutsch. I did this because I wanted to have an environment that would force me to use the language in one way or the other. I was happy at first because I could understand about 50% of what was written in it. The trouble started when I saw the Skype window because almost everything that was in there were compound words that I couldn’t understand even with the help of the dictionary. I really thought that I bit off more than I could chew but thankfully, I was able to find the language and changed everything back to English.

Lesson learned: start with something simple like the web page of the restaurant Martin told me about ;p

Tueday morning as I was working on my e-mail to Martin, I got a chat invitation from this individual on Skype. He was very polite – introducing himself, where he comes from and even added a compliment that made me feel good. He says that he’s read my blog and found my style of writing interesting. Okay, so my ego got a little bit of some umph :D I’m telling you; flattery works wonders when you first meet or start a conversation with someone. I eventually warmed up to the guy as he proved to be an interesting person to talk to – witty, intelligent and very opinionated.

Normally, I’m a little bit worried about the millions (or even billions) of perverts that are lurking on every part of the world and is currently online at that very moment. Not with Ian (that's his name), I sensed something different about him. Always trust your intuition – specially a woman’s intuition – it never fails!

I felt as if I was talking to myself – we share the same beliefs on a lot of things especially when it comes to spirituality. I don’t know if I have a karmic tie or even a karmic debt to Ian from my previous life/lives but there’s just too many similarities about our personal backgrounds to be considered as a mere coincidence. For example, I was born a Pisces and my dad’s an Aries. Ian’s Aries and his dad and his sister’s Pisces. If this is not the universe telling me something, then I don’t know what is.

I’m quite impressed with this Ian because it’s a very rare occurrence to find someone to have an intelligent conversation with. I became even more impressed when I found out how old he is towards the end of our conversation – he’s only 20! Could you believe it? All along, I though he was in his late 20’s or early 30’s with his level of maturity. Most 20-year-olds I know have nothing but sex and video games in their heads!

Don’t get me wrong though, we’re just friends. Absolutely no hanky-panky business involved!

Anyways, enough about me and my New Age babble. I’m still psyched about seeing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at Rockwell last night. The movie was just awesome! Hmm, I wonder if Harry Potter readers are as psyched about it as I am. I’ve never read a single Harry Potter book. I don’t know why but I guess there’s a reason.

Now that I think about it, I think I know what the answer is...

I’ve always been a big fan of Tom Clancy’s work. Every book that he’s written on the Jack Ryan line, I have a copy of it and I’ve read it in a week or less. My record time is 2 days for Without Remorse, which also happens to be my favorite book from the series.

As a kid, I was bored out of my mind when my dad insisted that we watch The Hunt for Red October. When I was a little bit older, I was able to watch the film again and thought that it was okay. After I got acquainted with Tom Clancy’s novels, I seriously thought that the films sucked (except for Clear and Present Danger because they had John Clark’s character in it – it’s pretty obvious that John Clark’s my favorite character, right?).

I hated what they did with Sum of All Fears! Jack’s not supposed to be William Cabot’s protégée because he abhorred Cabot! The film lost the intricacies of the subplots due to the budgetary and time restraints that the director probably faced. I left the theater seriously disappointed. The only consolation that I had was a hunkier John Clark (played by Liev Schreiber) ;p

Living It Up Ala Sex and The City

2005-11-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve been talking to Martin today via e-mail and our correspondences have become very personal over the past week. Today he wrote that he’s tired of kindergarten relationships and I know exactly what he means. How could I not know? I’ve been there and done that from cheap thrills and one-night stands to pseudo-relationships.

Don’t we all look forward to being in a loving, stable and committed relationship? I certainly do. Although, I must admit that for a time I was enthralled with the ‘Sex and the City’ lifestyle. I just came out of a failed relationship that was just too painful to handle. I know I should’ve confronted the resulting heartbreak but I didn’t. I just didn’t want to deal with it, especially since I just started with my first job.

I remember that we were in training and I found it hard to concentrate on what was being discussed. I was seated at the back of the room with my newly found friends. I would often stare into space and just let a million random things run through my head. My thoughts would suddenly go back to Jay and I’d just be so broken up in an instant. My friend John would see what’s happening and “he” could just tell that something’s wrong with me. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried my eyes out in front of “him.” John’s gay, by the way.

I was a very big fan of Sex and the City when it first came out. Pretty soon, I was channeling Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbes into me as they all resonate different facets of my personality. I was able to relate to Carrie the most because in a way, we were in a similar situation – the writer that fell for the guy that was so wrong for her.

The SATC lifestyle, aside from looking very fabulous, there’s just something about it that felt liberating for me. Everybody seemed carefree at times and dilly-dallied into unpredictable and hilarious situations. Liberating, in the sense that it seemed like heartaches are a million miles away. It worked for a time until the reality of it all hit me – it left me feeling empty and shallow.

That realization finally forced me to face what I’ve been putting off for the longest time. It’s not easy mending a heart that had been trampled on by the person you loved the most. But it’s even harder to continue leading a life full of facades.

I’m okay now. I’m at peace with myself and with the universe, taking everything one day at a time. I trust the infinite wisdom of the Universe on what it has in store for me. My only wish is that I don’t grow up to be as old as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda before I find the kind of loving, stable and committed relationship that I’m looking for.

Attack of the Garfield Syndrome

2005-11-07T02:16:00.000-08:00

I'm just so bored at work today. Probably because I didn't get my 8 hours of zzz's. It was my fault anyway - I stayed up late to finish my journal entry. What I would give for last week's two-working day event would have a repeat! I hate Mondays!

My German's progressing real well. Martin's helping me relearn what I've unlearned since I finished Deutsch 101 last year. Glad to have found an excellent text book from Booksale in Megamall last Friday. It contained the exact information I was looking for. Still a lot of work ahead of me, though, if I want to polish my Deutsch fluency by the time the next FSO exam comes along. Maybe I should get tested for Deutsch proficiency at Goethe Institut as well.

Speaking of last Friday, I had so much fun going to another gimik with Cathy and Jewel. Too bad Kestrel's still in London. We would've had much fun if she were around - not to mention a lot more things to talk about. I wonder what's happened to her braggart-of-a-boyfriend Miki.
Cathy had to leave early as she had a story to file. She got to our rendezvous an hour later than what we've set as she came from Kalaw to cover a rally. Jewel arrived several minutes after Cathy but stayed behind to help me shop. The strap of my thong sandals broke while I was walking from the bathroom to Gloria Jean's. Aargh!

It took me a while to find a good pair of sandals to replace the one that got broken. I visited several boutiques - Cardam's, Wade, Itti, Mendrez but didn't find any style to my liking so I dragged Jewel to come with me to the department store. I finally settled for this red wedge sandal from Janeo. I was on a budget as well and good thing that it only set me back by Php298. It was supposed to be Php299 but the cashier gave me an additional 1% discount after I told them that the salesperson made a mistake with the price sticker on the box. I was shocked when the cashier punched in Php450 on the cash register and my initial reaction was to make a fuss about it. Good thing the whole thing got resolved in less than 5 minutes.

After I got the sandals, Jewel and I proceeded to window shop. I was now helping her find the ever-elusive little black dress that she plans to wear on her 1 year anniversary dinner with Robert. She found the perfect one several months back but decided not to buy it. Now, she's absolutely regretting not buying it because we couldn't find anything that looks good on her. Don't worry Dearie, we'll keep searching for it!

We dropped by St. Francis Square Tiangge before going home and happened to bump into my high school friends D and Cher. They were on their way to Podium to watch a film included in the Cinemanila Film Festival. We chit chatted for a little while before we all went our separate ways.

Sunday, I found myself in Megamall the whole day for the second consecutive time. This time around, I'm meeting up with Meg and Iza, my old co-workers from Sykes. Good thing I brought my book along with me because both of them were an hour late!

When they finally got to our meeting place, I forgot about how annoyed I was because I haven't seen these people for over 6 months! We had a lot to talk about since there have been many changes since I last saw them. Iza's now teaching at San Sebastian College and she's expecting to finish her Masteral degree in Archaeology in 1 1/2 years. Meg is happilly single and is thriving at her current job.

We decided to watch a movie since we didn't really feel like going home early. The only movie that all of us still haven't watched was 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' and voted unanimously for a 'Yay!' It was just hilarious and we couldn't stop laughing non-stop. Iza kept teasing Meg about picking up some pointers from the movie since she's still a virgin ;p

There's this one guy - I forgot what the character's name is- that just reminded me of Martin. The tall guy that works in the stock room with curly brown hair and tattoos on his arms. He's the same built as Martin and I couldn't stop missing Martin after the movie ended :(

I surprised Martin by sending him a text message and his responses just made my day ;p Bis bald und mach's gut sweetie!

A New Family Tradition

2005-11-05T03:55:00.000-08:00

I had such a blast last night! My two younger sisters and I met up with my cousins Noel, Ralph and Paul at our Uncle Bien's house for a little party. My sister Angelee's requested for everybody to go out for a drink when she graduated from high school. That was about two years ago and last night was the only time we were able to manage to pin down everybody on a weekend.

I arrived at Uncle Bien's house past 8 pm from my monthly girls day/night out with Jewel and Cathy. When I got there, our other uncle, Uncle Lloyd, was seated on the couch impatiently waiting for my three cousins to arrive. My sister Angelee was the next person to arrive. My sister Louise and her boyfriend Alex arrived about an hour or so after Angelee.

It was around 9:30 pm when my Noel, Ralph and Paul arrived. We started the party shortly after that. It was just awesome - lots of beer, lots of junk food and we were able to teach the others how to play Texas Hold 'Em (it's a variant of Poker). The best part is that we were playing for a small amount of money. Probably, the only time that sucked throughout the entire event was when I lost because the others didn't fall for my bluff!!! Aargh!!!

Anyways, I'll definitely get back at them the next time this happens. Uncle Bien's suggested that we start a new family tradition - Family Poker Night every month! And next time, we're going all out with the betting! ;p

About Yesterday's Post

2005-11-02T17:32:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about the whole Cofi Bean thing. I know that I've written some very harsh words but I just don't regret it. This guy/gay totally deserves it and "it" (that's what me and my friends call homosexuals that we don't like. The logic behind it is that they're neither a he nor a she so it's automatically an "it") had it coming.

I think he needs more than just someone busting its chops with words. Somebody needs to force feed a million tons of humble pie to this individual. Humble pie with a 9" diameter and delivered via an IV tube. If you think cod liver oil injected on the gluteus maximus is extremely painful, wait'll you experience this utterly painful torture technique ;p

Again, the thoughts I've just expressed is a direct violation of Wicca's basic tenet of harming none, I know, but may the God and the Goddess forgive me.

Our friend Kestrel could certainly teach this individual lessons in humility. Kestrel's family is filthy rich (proof: she's studying to be a rocket scientist, literally speaking okay, in London and her parents pay for everything from her tuition fee to her allowance, her flat and her desires like her long blond hair. Her hair requires regular visits to the salon for touch ups) and not once did I nor Cathy nor Jewel ever heard her boast to us about her status. She knows that she doesn't have to prove it to us or to other people. She just knows that she is and that's that.

I've showed the blog to my other co-workers and they all are as equally annoyed as I was at first. They theorize that it must be some sick tripping of his. I really don't know if what he wrote is supposed to be funny but to me it is just so appalling.

We all have the right to express ourselves as guaranteed by the First Amendment BUT I don't think that the right to free speech would extend to the point wherein an individual is already denigrating others. Especially people who have done you no wrong.

I remember one of my lessons in religion class back when I was still studying in St. Scho - one's freedom ends when it is starting to infringe on another individual's freedom. It's what's called "freedom with responsibility."

I'm now wondering what type of parenting this individual had. I'm also left wondering if this is the kind of attitude we would want to impart on our children.

To me, this individual is a direct reflection of, a microcosm of the world that we currently live in - a world where intolerance and ignorance run amuck. My only hope is that we'd be able to turn things around before it's too late lest we fulfill Thomas Hobbes' vision of the Leviathan - a world of anarchy, darkness and despair.

Right now, I no longer feel the initial anger I had yesterday. Today, it has been replaced with pity. Pity because this person is blessed with such material wealth (or at least "it" says "it" is) but has been denied the gift of having full intellectual capacity.

After this post, I will no longer devote any of my time or my energy writing about this fool. I'll just let the universal justice or karma run its course.

Would somebody kill COFI BEAN? Or at least shut this mofo up?

2005-11-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

My friend brought this individual's blog to my attention - Cofi Bean.

Under normal circumstances, I am perceived as the cool, calm and collected pacifist but this guy (or is it gay?) really ticked me off the moment I started to read the contents of his blog. He's even worse than the flatulent Mike Abundo. At least this guy (Mike) looks or seems as if he's got a single brain cell working. Cofi Bean could also be in the same league as Miki (Kestrel's Japanese boyfriend) in terms of their prowess for boasting about things that they have.

Honestly people, could this guy/gay be any more moronic? To top it off, he's whining like a freaking bitch over the most mundane things! Dude (if you really are a dude), you sound like a closet queen or a trannie at best.

Listen you standgebläße, if you want to sound coño then you better learn how to have a good grasp of either the English language or Tagalog then stick to one language throughout the entire post. NEVER mix both. You're bastardizing both languages with what you're doing! And while you're at it, it'd be a splendid idea if you'd hire permanent teachers for personality development and intelligence for yourself. Oh and your grammar just sucks big time.

You say you're the bomb? Oh right, yes, you certainly are.

STINK BOMB!!!

What's up with this bitch's shithole? What's your beef with call center agents? Seriously speaking, they (call center agents) prolly talk with a lot more sense than you ever will.

There, I've said my piece and my temper is no longer raging. Watch out for karma in this life or on the next one because it's sure to bite you in the ass.

Que Sera Sera

2005-10-31T05:03:00.000-08:00

I’m currently writing from my parents’ home in Marikina for some much deserved rest and relaxation. My back still hurts from the treatment I had to go through for the back pains I’ve been having for the past couple of days. But otherwise, I’m fine.

Actually, I’m more than fine. I got another e-mail from Martin this morning and there’s this one passage that made my heart skip a beat. There it was written in black and white – the words “in a relationship.” I was ‘kilig’ and in disbelief for a couple of minutes before reality hit me right smack in the middle. Okay, so there’s no more ‘you’ and ‘me’ but a ‘we?’

So what happens now? If there’s one thing that Martin and I completely agree on at this time, it would be that the odds are stacked high against “us” being viable. It’d take at least a year and a half before Martin finishes his studies plus we’re in two different continents. Within that particular timeframe, anything could happen.

Some might argue that with the advent of globalization, the world has become a smaller place. Technological advances have made the time and space barrier virtually obsolete making travel and communication easier. It’s true, I can’t argue with that.

Despite all this, one question still sticks - ‘would you still risk it?’ I mean, a relationship is hard enough even if both parties are geographically desirable. What more for people in long distance relationships?

One more thing that we’re both not sure of is if and when there’d be a vacancy at KAS’ Manila office by the time he’s done with his studies to allow him to go back to the country.

Aargh! So many what if’s and unknown variables!

Oh and I also brought up the topic of open relationships. I don’t know how he’ll react to it or what but I’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.

Jewel’s (the singer) song ‘Hands’ pops into my head for no apparent reason – “If I could tell the world just one thing/It would be that we're all o.k./And not to worry
cause worry is wasteful.”

Okay, I’d better listen to the song. It’s no use stressing myself over nothing.

The Wandering Eye

2005-10-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning when I got to the office, I had that little feeling of excitement in anticipation of receiving another e-mail from Martin. I was quite surprised to find none in my Inbox. I figured that he must’ve been angry or quite embarrassed about my response on his last e-mail.

What did I write? Well, my line of work involves teaching (well, sort of) English and I’m very keen when it comes to grammar and especially spelling. Let’s just say that half of the content of my e-mail had grammar lessons ;p

He was also asking me a question about him. If Cathy’s right about him being a politician through and through, then I made up my mind about playing the role of a diplomat. After all, that’s what I went to college for. I gave him a ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ ‘Maybe’ and topped it off with one of the favorite answers of diplomats to a given question ‘I neither confirm nor deny.’

I shrugged the whole thing off and went about my business. Throughout the course of the day, I was again shamelessly flirting with a couple of people – a cute Chinese guy named Carl on Tickle, a Middle-Eastern lad (I call him lad because he’s younger than me by 2 years) on sms.ac and my dear old fuck buddy Jon on YM (Yahoo Messenger).

There was an info I needed from my office e-mail so I went to my Outlook. Lo and behold - a short note from Martin saying that today's THE DAY! It's the 25th anniversary of the engineer-chamber (Ingenieurkammer) that he's working for and that they're having a big party. He says that he's stressed but that he'll be sending pictures about the whole thing. Yeah sure, whatever.

I also gave him a quick reply - I'll be having fun myself by today as we're all heading off to Redbox in Greenbelt as soon as we get our paychecks by this afternoon. I'm not sure about which Martin I'm communicating with - the politician or the true self so I'll be playing this one like chess.

It was kinda funny ‘talking’ to Jon. He kept on apologizing for being out of reach for the past couple of months. He’s shit scared of his girlfriend finding out about me that he deleted my number in his cellphone. He spend a couple of minutes trying to impress me by attempting to recall my number from his memory. Alas, he failed! Miserably, I might add. He only got 3 numbers right and it’s not even in the correct sequence.

At first he was updating me on what’s happened to him – he’s flunked a couple of subjects on med school and that resulted into him taking those subjects again this semester. He adds that he only goes to school once a week because of this. Poor kid! Note, I have absolutely nothing to do with his flunking his subjects at med school!

He then turned the tables on me by bugging me about giving him new pictures that I have of myself. I just didn’t mind him as I was in panic mode at that particular time. My last post about finding one’s inner Smurf made my blog template go whack. I was trying to delete the damn posting when the browser went out of whack as well. Good thing I was able to delete it the whole thing before it caused further damage.

I never really got back to Jon because soon after I finished fixing whatever needs fixing, my co-worker Alan announced that he’d be going home. It’s about quarter to nine at that point and I needed to get my ass home as well so I sent him a ‘gtg’ message and immediately proceeded to turning off my computer.

Looks like I’m back to my old self!

Update: A new guy came along - Jom. My cellphone roused me from my slumber around 1 in the morning when he sent a message to my page asking me if I could add his as a friend. I looked him up this morning and he's quite cute ;p

Consultation

2005-10-24T04:26:00.000-07:00

This whole Martin business has gotten me ‘kilig’ to the highest level and freaked out like hell at the same time. I’m currently thriving on the rush it gives me and my co-workers’ teasing bolsters it even further. The newness of it all is just so overwhelming that my mind feels like it’s been on vacation 100,000 miles away for the last couple of days.

Now, I really don’t want to expect anything because I just don’t want to be disappointed. The big but is that I’ve noticed that I’m usually kind of like Charlotte York when she meets someone special – she puts all her eggs in one basket until she drops the basket when she realizes that he just doesn’t fit or the other way around.

I am so unsure of everything that I’m starting to listen to my chicken little. I remember Martin’s comments about the typical German – you talk to him and he tells you something but you can’t tell what’s really on his mind. Is he like that? He’s said a couple of times that Thom’s very un-German in that way so by deductive reasoning makes him a diplomat – someone who tells a half-truth and a lie.

Thom and Cathy has suspected that Bianca (Thom and Martin’s co-worker) has a thing for Martin because she kept asking him out for breakfast, lunch or dinner meetings. Bianca, according to Cathy, is not hot in terms of physical appearance but that her being a trust fund baby certainly makes it up for all that she lacks. Her mother’s family is one of the richest people in the country, mom holds a very important position in the economic sector, daddy’s a well known media practitioner turned congressman.

I tell Cathy that I really don’t care about her since I got to Martin first. Well, in a way at least. She warns me to tread carefully because she has a, let’s just say, a small hint of suspicion on Martin’s character. That just fed my paranoia and I’m going bonkers thinking about it.

Luckily, I have my Tarot cards with me. I did three readings on myself about things that are starting to bug me. First question, the possibility of going somewhere with him. The answer’s a Yes with three upright cards – 5 of Wands, The High Priestess and 9 of Cups. The second question would be if I should consider Bianca as a threat – 66.67% Yes with 1 upside down card and 2 upright cards (King of Wands, 4 of Cups and 9 of Pentacles). Question number three – issues that I may have with Martin – Ace of Cups (Issue), The World and Knight of Swords (Inner and Outer Influences), 8 of Swords (Advise) and The Tower for Possible Outcome.

How do I interpret reading number three? When I am overwhelmed by emotions, I tend to be in this self-contained bubble (the woman inside the huge wreathe) and I often rush into things without really thinking things through (the dynamic pose of the character and a good portion of the knight’s blade being hidden). The advice the collective unconscious is giving me is to stand still and anchor myself with my intellect (as represented by the swords), put a blindfold so that I may not be blinded by what I see with my eyes since looks can be deceiving. The outcome? Be ready for anything because even though I’m going to be in Cloud 9 for quite some time I will surely crash back to earth. Another interpretation would be for me to just fall and let go of old fears, old hurts from previous relationships that didn’t end up with a ‘happily ever after.’

By now, I’m starting to hear in my head the story that Thom told Cathy about his 2-month trek to reach the Alps..... More Than Like

Newsflash

2005-10-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

Martin's back in Germany and his flight was perfectly safe unlike the unfortunate Nigerian Airlines that crashed last Sunday (may the victims' souls rest in piece). I just got an e-mail from him and I'm just so thrilled. I can't really find the best word that I'm looking for but I guess it'll have to do for the meantime. I'm having a hard time trying to respond to his e-mail and I can't get this stupid smile out of my face.

I'm definitely infatuated with the guy ;p

Dual Purpose Party Becomes Three-Fold

2005-10-22T18:16:00.000-07:00

Friday morning, I wake up at 6 am, as always, but didn’t get out of bed until 6:30. I take a shower and dressed myself in a really cute outfit – a green Kamiseta tank top with lace trimmings, a white Lilly Pulitzer mini-skirt with ribbon trimming at the sides in a green plaid design and paired it with my faux fuchsia and lime green Juicy Couture terry cloth bowler bag and the white, high-heeled Celine slides - in anticipation of tonight’s event.

When I got to the office, two co-workers – Angel and Cam – immediately commented “Are you going to the beach?”

“Funny but I’m going to a party tonight at Cathy’s and we just might take a dip in their pool,” I retorted.

The day went by fairly fast as I was kept busy by the documents I encoded. I got out of the office around 6:20 and proceeded to SM Makati to pick up a big bottle of tequila, a couple of pieces of lime and some iodized salt. I arrived in Thom and Cathy’s place shortly after 7 pm, just in time to help Cathy prepare the spaghetti sauce she was cooking.

Martin, Thom’s co-worker and the guy Cathy was trying to hook me up with, arrived around 8 pm with some of the things that Thom asked him to buy. It was at this point that we started with the booze. Namely, the Tanduay Rhum that Martin grabbed from Mini Stop’s shelf in haste. The party, by the way, was in celebration of Cathy’s birthday earlier that week and as a despedida for Martin because he was scheduled to go back to Deutschland the next day.

Several hours after I arrived, Cathy’s friends from UST and from Asian Journalism came and we had such a fun time talking about things – mainly German lessons from our “Professor” Martin. He was teaching us not-so-nice words, pronouncing phrases such as ‘standgebläße’ and ‘alder penne’ over and over again for the benefit of Cathy’s other guests (I took up German lessons before so I could easily pick up what he was saying).

There’s this girl named Bona that had us all laughing so hard. She was trying so hard to copy Martin’s pronunciation of the words he’s introduced to us but always gets it wrong. She delivers it in such an innocent, childlike manner with a high-pitched voice and the look of an airhead. If and when she nails the words or the phrases perfectly, you just wouldn’t be able to get mad at her because it seemed as if she doesn’t know what she’s saying. The phrase that she still has to master is “Wo ist die Toilete? (Where is the toilet?)”

Cathy’s boss and co-worker from Asian Journal were the last to arrive and were also the first ones to go leave because of work. Bona, Anna and Kathy left past twelve midnight because they still have classes later that morning. Plus, Anna’s dog is sick with a liver disease. Martin and I left Cathy about 45 minutes later after seeing how pooped out Thom was.

Since I’m going to pass by Martin’s hotel on my way home, we both agreed that we could share a cab. Martin was also complaining about how cab drivers jack up the price of his fare since he’s white and he’s traveling alone. When we got to Martin’s hotel, he invited me to go up to his room for a drink. I agreed since I’m not one to pass up booze.

As soon as I got out of the cab, I instantly became very conscious because I felt like people all around me were staring at me, wondering if I’m a prostitute he picked up somewhere. We dropped by the 7-11 near his hotel and grabbed two bottles of Mudshakers. I didn’t see a quizzical look on the 7-11 employee’s face as we were paying for the drinks but I had the feeling that THE question’s at the back of his mind. That worrying thought in my mind became even more apparent when street kids swarmed Martin like a pack of rats trying to sell him junk. That’s the downside of being with a white guy in a third world country.

What exactly did I do about it? I talked a little bit louder than usual so everyone around could hear my thick American accent – the California variety. I didn’t get the monicker ‘Valley Girl’ for nothing.

When Martin and I were waiting for the elevator, this very old Caucasian guy comes up with three young girls in tow. We decided to wait for another elevator as the topic of conversation is now focused on Philippine tourism and the sex tourists that seem to abound in our midst.

We reached Martin’s room a short time later and he found out that an envelope was slipped into his room through the gap at the bottom of his door. He guessed that it was one of those fliers for the massage services that the hotel was offering. When he opened the envelope, it turned out to be a copy of the bill for his 6-week stay. He put it aside on the desk and turned our attention on our drinks.

Martin turned on the tv and set the channel to Channel V. We sat on opposite sides of the bed, drinking the Mudshakers and started a really long conversation about random things – current affairs, politics (well we’re both Political Science majors), pop culture and some personal stuff.

He was scheduled to have breakfast with Bianca, a co-worker whom Cathy and Thom has suspected of having the hots for him, later that morning (it was around past 1 am already). I asked him if he’s tired so I could leave him alone and have a good night’s sleep since I know first hand how hard it is to catch a wink in a 16-hour flight. He said no and held my hand a couple of times as we carried on with our conversation.

He put his arm around me and I began cuddling up to him such that my back is pressed against his torso. Martin was kissing me ever so gently on my neck, his stubble tickling me in the process. I turned around to face him and he started kissing me on my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck while his just started to explore the entire terrain of my body. I bend my left leg, positions it in his crotch and move it up and down to stimulate his privates.

I climb on top him and he removes both my shirt and my bra. I bend over to kiss him as I grind my cunt against his package. He fumbled to unbuckle his belt, unbutton and unzip his pants and then let the whole thing slide off of his legs. Both of us roll over so that he’s now on top of me. He slips his hands under my skirt, takes out my undies and gives me a blow job. I reciprocate shortly afterwards and then went for the main event. Cathy, thanks for the biggie size rubber you found for me, they really came in handy! Oh and thanks as well for the entry on uncircumsized dicks Uncut!

Martin’s dick was just perfect and his libido’s very high. I guess that’s the effect of not getting some the entire time he was here. He swears he was never tempted to sample the prostitutes roaming the Makati area where his hotel is located. He even tells me this very traumatic episode that happened to him recently – he was walking somewhere in Makati when he encounters a trannie. The trannie thinking he’s up for some homo lovin’ tells him that they could go in a dark alley to do the deed there and that it’ll only cost Php500. Martin’s allergic to trannies and he immediately went the opposite direction. The urgency to find another route to where he was going was heightened when the tranny grabbed his crotch.

If there’d be a showdown between him and the Energizer bunny on who can outlast doing the deed, I’d always place my bet on Martin. His pacing varied from nice and slow to jackhammer style. We were changing positions every 2 – 5 minutes only stopping for quick breather breaks. We must’ve slept only 2 – 3 hours when Martin woke me up for another go at it.

During a breather break, Martin tells me that he should’ve known me earlier and that he’s extremely happy about his last night in Manila. I told him that the night Cathy was supposed to introduce me to him, I was in Lake Caliraya for a company-sponsored Team Building activity that I just couldn’t get out of. When we met a couple of weeks ago for Thom’s birthday party, I thought that I wasn’t his type. Apparently, he does like brown skin because he’s kind of not that happy with his almost pasty white complexion.

We decided to take a shower together when he just picked me up from the bed and carried me to the bathroom. Martin’s built is big like the wrestlers that you see in WWE and he’s about a foot and half taller than I am. If I stand in front of him, the top of my head is only up to his chest. He’s twice my weight and the manner in which he picked me up made me feel like I was the rucksack he carries when he was still in the German Army (in Germany, it’s mandatory for everybody to serve their time in the armed forces except for kids who has had two older brothers that has already served a term each).

He put me down in the bathroom counter for a quickie then carried me again into the bathtub this time. I have long been a self-confessed cynic with regards to love but I do have to admit that it was quite a romantic scene. He’s standing right behind me, lathering me up, holding me, kissing me, slipping his finger in and out of my vagina. When he felt like teasing me, all he had to do was stand in front of the shower head and he’d completely prevent any water from ever reaching me.

After we both got dressed, we made out a couple more times and attempted to exchange contact info’s (I always have calling cards in my bag, he doesn’t have one so I’m just going to get it from Cathy and Tom). He made me promise to hit him back in his e-mail address with pictures… especially if I’d be able to find the place I was looking for (it’s a little something that we share in private and no, it does not have anything to do with sex).

I left him in his hotel room because he still has to pack his suitcase. I don’t know if he ever went to the breakfast meeting with Bianca. In my mind, there’s a high probability that he didn’t go but there’s no way to know unless I ask him.

By now, he’s probably back in his native Frankfurt. He’s probably waiting for me to send him the silly pictures we took back in Thom and Cathy’s flat. Then again, maybe I’m just assuming things. I really don’t know if something’s going to come of the whole thing or if what we have is just that night. Que sera sera.

Right now, my body is still aching – especially my arms and my neck from the crazy, rough and tumble sex. Good thing nobody’s noticed the little hickey on my neck as a result of his biting me.

A Fuck Buddy-To-Be?

2005-10-19T04:49:00.000-07:00

I seriously thought that yesterday would just be like any other day – boring, uneventful and forgettable. I didn’t really have any plans of going home early but I got a call from Odie. He’s the first person I met from my old office. Actually, he was the one who hired me for my very first job. He’s sweet, helpful and is really easy to get along with. No wonder that a lot of people turn to him if they’re having problems especially if it’s work related (myself included).

He tells me he’s still in OSMA and that he could pick me up then drop me off in my place since just he lives near the house where I currently reside. He also wanted to borrow what little I have of hentai materials. I told him I didn’t have them with me at this time but he still picked me up from the office though.

As soon as I got inside his car, we started to update each other about what’s been happening in each of our lives. He’s planning to move to Australia in the next couple of years. He seriously wants to quit his current job and move to Operations. He wants to go back to the gym if he only had the time.

He got me home around 9 pm but we hung out outside my gate, talking about stuff, leaning on the hood of his car. He was killing time because he had to pick up his girl from work around 10 and it was only 9:20. I don’t know what happened but there came silence for about 30 seconds. He asked me if I know of a private place in my area. I turned my head towards him and I said no.

Odie gave me a follow-up question – “Do you want to do it?” Can’t say that I didn’t expect it. I answered in the affirmative and he immediately called up his girl to check on what time she would really be finished. He got the response of 11:30, hurriedly hopped back into his car and headed for his place.

It’s not the first time that this has happened. It was around the same time last year when our relationship status got upgraded from friendship to friends with benefits. I remember that he was still engaged to psycho Mitch and he was telling me how freaked out he was about getting married. He’s not the biggest fan of scary movies but the film I brought along that night was scary because I deemed it as only ‘mildly scary.’

Much to his relief, we didn’t get to finish the movie because we proceeded to having sex. After the first 10 to 20 minutes of the movie, he busied himself by giving me an awesome back massage so as to avert his eyes from seeing anything on the screen of his computer. Soon thereafter, his hands were all over me and we promptly got down to business. That night was pretty memorable since he complimented me on how good I am at giving blow jobs.

Okay, back to the present time. When we were inside the car, he asked me for a favor – if I could teach him how to use a condom. I was taken aback. You’re how old again? And you don’t know what to do with a little piece of rubber?

In defense of Odie, he’s not the type who’s up for picking up girls in a club and doing one-night stands. He’s actually a pretty straight-laced guy, only having sex with his significant other and people that he knows pretty darn well.

Odie was telling me that he’s going to start using condoms because he’s scared as hell of getting somebody pregnant. He got traumatized what with the huge number of unplanned pregnancies in his department. He started consulting with friends on the best brand to use and told him that anything from Trust isn’t that good. Durex is kind of hard to find locally. I suggested Sensations since I remember using it a couple of times before. The bad news though is that you can find them in drugstores unlike the widely available Trust.

We were lucky to have spotted Mercury Drug on our way to his place. I helped him scout the entire floor for condoms and didn’t find any on the display shelf. I prodded him to approach the counter because that’s where they usually kept it. So very characteristic of the male of the species – does not want to ask for directions. Or in this case, ask for help. He threw in the towel after going through every aisle a second time unsuccessfully; bought two packs and went on our merry way.

We started with a whole lot of foreplay – kissing, fondling, groping and a blow job. When we got to the main event, it started out as a comedy of errors. Odie’s little man is beautifully average (although it still needs a little more length for my taste) but its girth is the killer – it was waaaaay in the well-endowed department. (Hey Cathy, I think I can take on Martin… hahaha!) That flimsy-looking piece of elastic could barely fit his little member.

It all turned out okay in the end but I really should start looking for condoms that are a tad bit bigger for Odie’s big little man for our next tête-à-tête. Any suggestions where I could get them? Does anybody know if textured, ultrasensitive and/or superthin condoms are also available locally? Odie’s complaining that he doesn’t feel much with rubber on.

The Dreaded "D" Word

2005-10-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

The last time I went on a shopping with trip with Cathy, she has noticed what was obvious when we shared the same fitting room – I haven’t been exercising. I tried to resume my usual work-out but I failed to maintain it. Damn physio ball! Why the hell did it have to pop like a frigin’ balloon?

I could be very anal about things and exercise is one of them. Whenever I do my workout, it just doesn’t feel the same without my two-foot gym ball. That’s the reason why I kinda stopped exercising. Hhmm, sounds kind of wrong. I think I should’ve replaced kinda with altogether. Oh well!

The gym ball’s the best exercise/gym equipment I’ve ever bought (looking back though, I think it was my mom) because I can use it on every part of my body – midsection for ab crunches, hips, buns, thighs and my arms. I miss that thing! I’ve been looking for a replacement for the last couple of months but I still haven’t found anything good to replace it with.

This weekend is a major turning point for me. My sister’s boyfriend Alex saw me again after a couple of weeks and he quips that I got fat. My dad asked for a massage and noticed the same thing. My co-worker Angel got assigned to Bataan for about two weeks and the first thing she told me upon seeing me is how big I got in such a short span of time.

I went to Megamall with my sister Louis for their 3-Day-Sale. I fancied this über cute, white long-sleeved blouse from Plains and Prints. It came in only two sizes – XS and L – because there were only a couple of pieces left. The only thing that fits me snuggly from their store is XS. Lo and behold, XS is now a tad bit small!

For the meantime, it looks like I really would have to make do without any equipment and get used to it. Which reminds me, I do have a Pilates kit that I haven’t used for quite some time now. Oh goody, a new routine for me!

I know I haven’t been taking good care of my body. I used to watch what I eat but I got back to my old ways. The biggest culprit in my weight gain would be carbohydrates. I was able to successfully eliminate rice from my diet for the last couple of years but living in a country where rice is the staple food, it’s hard to find anything to eat during mealtimes without any rice. My current place of work is quite far from malls wherein you have a lot of options for rice-free places so I have to stick with either cafeteria food or the set meals delivered by Mang Nick.

I also have the biggest sweet tooth. The urge to consume a lot of sweets gets really strong during that time of the month when I have my monthly menstruation. Just last week, I was eating a quarter portion of a ½ gallon of Magnolia’s very sinful Double Dutch ice cream almost everyday.

Exercise is fine by me. No, make that I RELISH exercise. It’s the controlling-what-I-eat part that’s a bitch. Although in fairness, I was able to do it so I guess I’ll have to again muster the necessary will power to reach my target weight loss of 5 – 10 pounds. I’m wondering if I’d be able to make the 6-square-meals-a-day discipline work. Maybe I can since we do have a lot of coffee/snack breaks in the office.

I just got back from lunch break and I was able to implement the first step on my plan to again eliminate rice from my diet. I’ve cut down my rice to a smaller portion compared to the usual. Ultimately, what I would like to happen is for me to limit my carbohydrate intake for the day to the ‘karyoka’ that I always have for afternoon merienda.

I have yet to think of what I will replace carbohydrates with. I’m thinking maybe protein or go to the fruit-and-vegetable diet route. I’m really not sure at this point so I’ll have to do more research. One thing I’m sure of at this point is that I would have to stock up on popcorn. I’ve read on a magazine that plain popcorn is the ultimate diet food – fills you up without the humongous calories.

I definitely would have to jump start my day with exercise for maximum weight-loss effect. That’d mean waking up earlier than usual. That’s definitely doable so I’ll go with that.
I’m now thinking of a reward that I can give myself once I hit my goal. Maybe the Princess necklace from Mango. How about a cute outfit from Zara? Anyways, by the time I get to lose my unwanted weight, they’d probably be having an End of the Season Sale (I’m giving myself two to three months). Oh, the possibilities!

Big Goner

2005-10-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

I seriously thought that I was a big goner. Friday last week as I was trying to access my blog and all the other blogs that I go to (Michael K’s D Listed, Cathy’s, Jewel’s and Joey Madison’s), my browser kept bouncing back to the default website – which is my company’s website. I had only one logical conclusion – that our IT head has added my beloved blog sites to the forbidden sites list.

My first reaction is that posting at home would be such a big bitch. First, my cousin’s computer sucks. She hogs use of the computer and she usually spends the entire time playing games thus accumulating tons of viruses passed around in the Web. In fact, her pc’s busted right now. It can’t open any web-based mail although the YM is still working. The technician went to our house just this Saturday night and the verdict is that he’d have to come back by Friday to have her computer reformatted.

Second, it’d be expensive because I’d have to secure for myself a flash drive. I compose my blog in my laptop in the office and it doesn’t have any drives for diskettes. I can’t completely rely on sending my entry to my Yahoo or Hotmail e-mail because of the problem mentioned in the earlier paragraph. I can, technically speaking, burn the file on an RW disc/microdisc but what if her computer can’t read the files?

Third, I’m too paranoid about her finding out my postings or my blog even if the probability of her stumbling upon it is quite remote. There are some things that should just be kept secret from your family members – especially if you’re not close to them.

Monday morning – I am so very relieved that I can finally access my beloved blog sites. I got an earful of lecture from Kuya Errol though. He’s one of our IT guys and he showed us the report that the server automatically generates for every time that we go into the Web to do something. I wasn’t really aware that they have such a report and that they have a complete history of the sites that I go to. He quips that I am consistently on the top 5 of the worst Internet surfing offenders. I’m crossing my fingers now that he don’t forward this to our boss or else I am dead meat. Aarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!

Okay, so what exactly do I do when I’m logged on to the Net? Aside from reading blogs, I habitually watch the free videos from MSN for news and whatever catches my attention. I blame that on not having a decent working tv at my grandmom’s place. I also place the blame on not having enough time and energy to watch tv – I’m just too pooped by the time I get home that the only thing on my mind is crash on my bed. There were a couple of instances where I lay down for a couple of minutes and found out the next morning that I fell asleep on the clothes I went to work in.

So, the moral lesson of the story is to not abuse my liberty of surfing the net. I’ll never know what scathing repercussions I would have to endure.

Creepy Guy on the Loose

2005-10-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

There was once an irate customer who called on MCI’s Customer Service to complain about his bill. He was eventually routed to the Manila call center and got a very inexperienced newbie. After several minutes, he’s asked for her supervisor and she complied. Tom, the customer, talked to the supervisor named Yssay and they were able to reach an amicable agreement about his issue.

Somewhere in the middle of their conversation, Tom was able to get a hold of Yssay’s contact numbers. Soon after, he was calling her regularly trying to woo her but Yssay would not budge. She passed him around to her friends – Iza and Leslie (that’s me) – but both rejected him as well.

Tom persisted and eventually became Yssay’s boyfriend. They didn’t quite live happily ever after because Yssay is, admittedly, very childish and keeps on breaking up with Tom for the most mundane reasons. Despite all this, Tom is still by her side to this day.

==============================================

I don’t know what’s with Tom but I seriously doubt this guy. Sure, he was honest when we quizzed him on a couple of things (as MCI customer service rep, we had access to the customers’ account info. We once put him on the spot by asking him questions on where he lived and all that stuff. His answers matched what our records reflected) but there’s something about this guy that isn’t quite right. I just can’t put my finger on it.

Anyhoo, Yssay is the jealous girlfriend type. Since she and I are close, I send her all the correspondence that I get from Tom be it text (sms), e-mail or instant messages. Tom eventually stopped contacting me so as not to cause any more petty quarrels with Yssay. That is until last night…

A rundown of our conversation from last night until this afternoon…

T = Tom, M = Me

03/10/05 ?
T: Hello.
03/10/05 14:03:53
M: Hi.
03/10/05 14:14:59
T: Hope that you are doing well. I’ve heard you move jobs.
03/10/05 14:08:03
M: Yeah I’m doing much better now. Thanx. What’s up?
03/10/05 14:18:06
T: Nothing much really. Just thought about. Good your doing well. When will you come here in the US?
03/10/05 15:18:21
M: Sorry, was kinda busy. I still don’t knw when I’m going back. Maybe in a year or two. How bout yssay, when’s she going there?
03/10/05 20:51:49
T: I thought you come here more often than usual. Perhaps we can at least meet as freind (sic) which we never have a chance before. (Hey, how come you didn't answer the question about Yssay?)
03/10/05 21:07:31
M: Well, I can’t promise u anything coz usually my relatives already hv things planned. How r u & yssay?
03/10/05 22:23:24
T: Yssay and me are do fine naman. She will probably be mad with me if I text you. She said that you forward everything to her whatever I text you. Then she will break up with me again and agian (sic),How well do you know her? (Duh! She’s my friend and I don’t want her to think I’m flirting with you! Besides, it’s not like I want to have anything to do with you.)
04/10/05 08:25:31
M: I was lrdy asleep when I got ur txt. I knw her really well coz we were close when I was still in her team.
04/10/05 ?
T: (I think I’ve erased this message but he was asking about my work schedule)
04/10/05 10:43:46
M: Depends, I’m on flexi sched. I come in anytime I want to long as I complete 48 hrs a week
04/10/05 11:33:28
T: wow, Nice schedules then.Do you have a Bf now?
04/10/05 11:26:05
M: Nope, I’m dating.
04/10/05 11:36:00
T: I see,, Why not come here in the US to work instead there. Your not corrupt so you’ll never make it there. (How dare you say that to me – you’ve been in the States for what 20, 30, 40 years? You don’t know what’s really happening here so shut your mouth.)
04/10/05 11:29:26
M: The big question is who’l provide/secure a legit h1 visa for me?
04/10/05 11:41:22
T: Right, but you either have to take a chance in life. Marry in papers maybe?
04/10/05 11:35:54
M: I get the point but I don’t want to be heavily indebted for a visa (Idiot, you know right from the start that I’m not the marrying kind even if it’d mean not having a green card. I already my US visa, thank you for asking and I’m contented with that even if it’s just a tourist visa.)
04/10/05 11:51:35
T: indebted meaning? Rely on it? or unless you happy there in your career then there is no need for you to relocate.
04/10/05 11:52:07
T: Indebted is open for discussion though.
04/10/05 11:44:31
M: Usually you have to pay someone if you’re marrying for a visa.
04/10/05 11:54:37
T: Yes,, but not too many here that offer it. A lot of people now are being deported too and money from it is not that much.
04/10/05 12:01:24
M: Wht r u really trying to say?
04/10/05 11:58:59
T: Do you still use your yahoo.
04/10/05 12:11:28
T: Meaning it’s hard to have a pre-arranged jusy to get a visa,
04/10/05 12:12:34
T: Hey, come here and may I invite you then.
04/10/05 12:46:23
T: Hey, are you busy ?
04/10/05 12:49:06
M: Yes, it’s lunch time
04/10/05 13:55:33
T: What exactly do you do sa new work mo ba?
04/10/05 13:47:19
M: Sales & marketing
04/10/05 13:59:20
T: when do you go online at your instant messenger?
04/10/05 13:51:29
M: Sporadic
04/10/05 14:03:35
T: so always fitful, be online like tonight if your not tired. (Huh? Fitful? What, you Visayan that faithful became fitful?)

I met up with Cathy at Shangri-La for lunch. I was surprised to receive a text message from her around 10:30. I sense there was trouble but I just didn’t know what it is exactly. We decided to try Cravings and the food was just awesome although the service was crappy. Cathy and I were gaga over their Cream of Carrot Soup – it was really creamy and it tasted like Chicken Sopas. I loved their Strawberry Vinaigrette – it was tangy and wasn’t that sour.

I completely forgot about Tom texting until my phone was vibrating violently from his 3 consecutive text messages. I am just so creeped out about his invitation. I wouldn’t want to go near him because he’s like a pedophile, at least in my book. This guy is old enough to be my dad!!! To top it off, (he doesn’t know that I know this but) he has five ex-wives and his eldest child is just a year younger than me!

FYI: Tom is half-Filipino, half-German and doesn’t look Filipino. He’s lived in Germany for a couple of years, he’s stayed in the Philippines until he graduated from high school. After that, his family moved to the States. He’s in his early to mid-40’s.

What’s up with the marrying for a visa? What he’s not sure Yssay can secure a US visa that he’s cajoling me to be with him? Why is he so persistent for me to go work in the US? I don’t know him that well so I doubt it if he genuinely cares what happens to me. This just popped in my mind… this is like the classic case wherein a suspicious looking character is trying to get a little girl to go with him by using a lollipop or any type of candy as bait.

Why is he telling me all this? Why is he even contacting me? Most of all, what the fuck is up with this guy?

Mang Roger the Cab Driver

2005-10-03T04:41:00.000-07:00

I am just so disgusted by the sheer audacity of some taxi drivers. Today, I had to take a cab to work because I picked up the luggage I’m going to use for my business trip to Bataan from my parents’ house. There was absolutely no other way for me to get to the office because my dad’s dear old van is busted and he had to take it to the shop for repairs. It’s times like these that I wish I have a car despite the chronic oil price hike every couple of weeks.

The first cab driver agreed to take me to Pioneer Street in Mandaluyong from the Masinag Public Market. We were cruising along Marcos Highway when he told me that he’s going to be charging me Php250.00 (about $5 with the conversion rate being Php57:$1) off the bat because he said it’s traffic and all and that he picked me up from the terminal where he still has to pay a barker. I told him in a very firm voice that my destination is not that far and that his price is beyond unreasonable.

I was just outraged and so I went to ‘bitch mode’ telling him to stop the car for me to get off. He slowly decreased the speed and proceeded to drop me off at a gasoline station. As I was disembarking my luggage, he just casually mentioned that he’s just going to grab some food as if to mask his embarrassment at how assertive I was.

I was standing on the side of that dusty road for just a couple of minutes when another cab passed by. I hailed it, told the driver where to take me and immediately hauled my little big-ass luggage behind the driver’s seat. Just as I was about to settle down, he told me that I should add Php50.00 to the tab.

That just sent my temper through the roof! As if by reflex action, I felt my hand pull the door handle and shoved the door wide open a couple of seconds later. In a loud voice, I told him to ‘fugetaboudit’ when what I really meant to say was to stick the handle of his gearshift up his sorry ass.

Third time’s a charm though. I saw this rickety-looking, white Kia Pride and thought what the hell. I seriously needed to get myself in the office a.s.a.p. so I really can’t be choosy at this point. Good decision!

I normally don’t talk to cab drivers but this old man just radiated a positive attitude. He was telling me this wonderful story about his last passenger. It was a rich, old lady that didn’t have any air about her. They had been traveling for quite a distance from Banawe, Quezon City to her house in Cogeo and it was already lunch time. He was as hungry as hell when this lady asked him to go to a Jollibee drive through to buy some food.

He communicated the old lady’s orders to the girl working behind the machine. He told me he had a gut feel that the old lady was going to give him some food because he ordered for four when he only had three passengers – the lady and her two assisstants. He wasn’t really sure so he ordered a hamburger for himself. His gut feel was absolutely right and had a free lunch – both the fried chicken meal and the hamburger.

His positivity was such a breath of fresh air that it just washed away my anger towards the other two drivers. I found out that his name is Mang Roger, he has three sons and six granddaughters. He’s extremely proud of his sons because all of them are achievers in school – eldest graduated with flying colors in UP and is now taking up an MBA aside from being a bank manager at Equitable PCI Bank; the middle graduated with flying colors at La Consolacion College and is now a mid-level manager at Philippine Airlines; his youngest is a mid-ranking police officer in Manila and is currently taking up a law degree. His wife still works at the Bureau of Customs, he’s already a retiree from the Public Works sector and becomes a cab driver every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays just to pass the time because he’s bored. Oh and he chauffeurs the missus while he’s at it.

Mang Roger turned the tables on me and asked me how many boyfriends I have. I told him none and was genuinely surprised by my answer. He tells me that most of his young passengers have lots. He just reminded me of my own grandfather when he gave me a good-natured advice not to marry young. I retorted that I don’t plan on getting married ever and he was even more shocked. He proceeded to sharing little anecdotes about things that happened in his life to make me not view marriage in such a bad light.

Mang Roger is one of the most gregarious people that I’ve ever known so I didn’t really notice the travel time of about 30 minutes. Aside from that, he was extremely good at his main job – getting me from point A to Point B. He had great knowledge about which routes have light and heavy traffic. I mean, how could he not, he used to work for Public Works!

The total of my cab fare was Php160.00 but I gave him Php200.00 anyways because no amount of money could ever commensurate the value-added services he gives to his customers. If you ever find yourself riding a white Kia Pride with the license plate TMW 914 from the Camaro cab company, say hi to him for me and tell him I will never forget the lessons from my time with him. Know that you’ll always be safe and happy in Mang Roger’s hands.

May the gods and goddesses bless this man and his family!

Livid Over Robertson

2005-09-26T04:11:00.000-07:00

I was browsing Michael K's D-Listed September archive for the stuff that I missed over the last couple of weeks when I came across the Pat Robertson's comments on the current crisis happening over at the mainland and homosexuality. And he calls himself a man of God!

I think he should be struck down by lightning coming from the God he so publicly praises. I do not belong to any conventional religion (Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, Judeochristian, Hindu etc) but even I know that Jesus' message is to spread love. But what is this man doing? He's spreading nothing but hatred and ignorance.

I have a lot of homosexual friends and I am proud to say that all of them are much more decent and deserving of Pat Robertson's God's love than him.

Superb Dreams and Evil Thoughts

2005-09-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was on my usual commute routine last Saturday and had a whole lot of ideas rambling about in my head when my thoughts suddlenly shifted to Jay (see post entitled War of Nerves). I'm definitely over him, or at least I think I am, but sometimes I can't help it if my memory goes back to him for no apparent reason. If I could only have the same memory-annihilating treatment that Jim Carrey got in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Anyhoo, I have this theory that the only reason why Jay married his then-girlfriend Abby is because he got her pregnant. I don't know how true this is because I haven't talked to the guy for over 3 years now. I must admit though, that there are times when I take a sneak peak into his friendster site out of curiosity.

FYI, he's still in my friends list after all this time. There were times that I thought about booting him out but I just can't get myself to do it. My reason is that we had a great time together. Also, maybe deep inside, I still have that hope that we'd get back together one way or another. I've already had sex with a guy with a girlfriend (Jay) and a guy who's engaged (Odie, a friend from my old office - you remember him Cathy, right?). The only thing missing on the list is doing a married guy.

Back to my thoughts - what if his wife died in childbirth? Would he ever think of rekindling the flame with me? I know it's such a nasty thought but it just happened to pop in my head. Who never had ill thoughts on another person anyway? It's a direct violation of the Wiccan Rede ("And do what ye will but ye shall harm none" - in thoughts, words and deeds) but I just wanted to release that thought lest it fester my mind.

Sunday morning, I woke up with the biggest smile on my face. I dreamt that I was supposed to attend a lecture/seminar in Ateneo (Jay's alma mater - preschool, grade school, high school and college). I was standing somewhere when Jay came my way and gave me a ride like he always used to do way back when. I get off his car inside the campus and was able to find the venue.

I remember asking the secretary/attendant about the professor that would give the lecture/seminar but she told me that it wouldn't push through because that said professor applied for a leave. I wandered around the hallway for a couple of minutes when I suddenly found myself in a room full of other people watching something. I saw Joey Parker :D (see post Hot Cousin Joey) beside me and his arm is around me.

We were flirting like crazy when he slipped his fingers inside my undies and gave me an amazing hand job. After quite some time, he made me lie down and he got on top of me. I could feel his hands all over me while his mouth gently kissed and agressively sucked my very erect nipples alternately. End of dream

That left me with a really big hang-over. To this day, I'm still hoping for a continuation of that dream. Oh the things I'd do to you Joey! (Evil laugh)

xs: I'm still trying to figure out how to link the title to the specific post so I apologize for the inconvenience.

The Vatican Roulette

2005-09-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the month again when I have to pop the first out of my 21-day pill cycle. I've been at it since the beginning of this year and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I've gotten so much used to the pill popping that I'm at the point of being mechanical. It's one of the disadvantages (the other being the risk of having VD) of having an active sex life.

Anyhoo, we were having our customary (or is it mandatory?) afternoon merienda (snack) break when the topic all of sudden shifted to birth control. I found myself having a mini-lecture on the process of reproduction. Camille, our receptionist/back-up facilitator, is admittedly a little naive on the subject matter. She sheepishly tells us that she just slept her way through class when the teacher was discussing the tale of the birds and the bees.

Cam’s been with her boyfriend Butch for 5 years (and still counting) already but they still haven’t had sex. Nothing wrong with her, just a case of prudishness. She’s a tad bit shy and has had a somewhat sheltered upbringing. But mind you, she does get the dirty jokes being passed around.

Cam is only one of the millions of Filipinos in the dark about reproduction. According to a recent survey from the Department of about 30% of couples in the Philippine population is not aware of the link between having sex and having kids. The majority of these “unenlightened” people live in rural areas where access to information and health care is very remote. Being in the countryside with nothing much to do after their day toiling in the fields is over, sex as a form of relaxation is pretty much in order.

Add to this the strong grip that the Catholic Church has on them and you’ve got a crisis on population control. These people view children as a gift from God, which they are, but nothing more than that.

In line with this is the common thinking among Filipinos that the more children you have, the more people who would support you as you advance in age. It is not uncommon to hear about people having a dozen or so kids. My mom has 7 siblings; my dad has 5.

Back to the Church, the Philippines is a predominantly Catholic country with over 80% of its population in its fold. It is, undoubtedly, the institution that has the strongest presence anywhere in the country (well, most of the country anyway). The Philippine Catholic Church is a very reactionary lot – it opposes all forms of contraception except for the Natural/Rhythm method, also known as the Vatican Roulette.

In fact, they raised quite a ruckus a couple of years back when the Department of Health went full blast with their Contraception Campaign. I remember our parish priest having a very passionate sermon about it – that was the time that I was still going to mass. They were very adamant in trying to stop the Department of Health employees from having to disseminate condoms to people and give lectures on all the available birth control methods.

The Vatican Roulette is simply ineffective because a woman’s body changes its reproductive cycle to the days when she’s having sex. The body does that eventually because it’s been programmed that way. This dates back to the days of the cavemen to ensure the propagation of the human specie.

Happy Camper

2005-09-21T00:46:00.000-07:00

Everything's just a-ok as of today. I'm quite amused that I was able to get away with paying my jeepney fare as a student instead of the regular rate :D I'm wearing casual clothes to work today - the half and half skirt from Havoc, an orange racerback tank top, my hot pink Red Tred sneakers and my reliable Esprit back pack that's been with me for the last 5 years or so. I ran out of coins for my fare, I didn't have any small bills and the only bills I have are Php100's and a Php500. I'm quite chuffed that I was able to get away with my little white fib.

I'm an even happy camper today now that Cathy's able to fix the setting of my blog to include her blog and as well as Jewel's, Joey Madison's, Michael K's and Marga's respective blogs on my links. Although I am ashamed to say it, I am an ignoramus when it comes to the technical details of blogs. I made a resolve, though, to learn as much as I can about the language used in this blog service provider.

Anyways, the big news in the office is still focused on Alan, out IT Head, and the hullabaloo he's in. Early Sunday morning, as he and Frank (another of our IT guy assigned to the newspaper that my boss' family owns) was on their way home from a gimik in Timog when they had a traffic altercation with a high ranking official from the MMDA (Metro Manila Development Authority - a government agency in charge of managing the traffic situation, well mostly though). He had a gun with him and he fired a shot. Thank goodness that nobody was hurt and that the shot he fired only hit Alan's car.

Alan's already received phone calls from our boss and our boss' dad. Boss' dad (aka Mr.-Cabinet-Secretary-that-has-the-ears-of-the-President) has instructed the Editorial board of the newspaper that they should never stop writing about the incident until Alan gets a formal apology (I'm not quite sure if it's a public or a private apology). They're also in the process of mobilizing one of their army of lawyers to handle the case should it lead to a courtroom battle.

Yesterday morning, he got interviewed by Arnold Clavio in his morning radio show. Also interviewed in Arnold's show was the perp - Executive Director Angelito0 Vergel de Dios. He initially denied Alan's claim that he had fired his gun during the traffic altercation (as expected) but several minutes later, Arnold pulled a fast one on him and he incriminated himself via nationwide broadcast that Alan really was telling the truth.

Later that afternoon, a news crew from GMA 7 came to the office to do an interview with Alan. The reporter told him that they'd try to do their best to include the story for the 6:30 pm news. Everybody from our building and as well as our company's other building was tuned in but it the report on Alan didn't quite make it. Everybody was disappointed, of course, but we're crossing our fingers that it'd make the news by tomorrow (which is today).

I don't know exactly what'll happen to Alan's case but I do wish it'll turn out for the best.

Reflections

2005-09-19T03:22:00.000-07:00

I've been very busy all week what with my conducting the finals for my four classes and my Icebreaker speech for the Executive Toastmasters Club. The trip to Caliraya on Friday afternoon was a fitting ending to my one helluva week!

Anyway, the sophies had their finals last Friday and I'm just so ecstatic about one of my students, Jase. The mechanics for finals was this - they'd have to find a speech that they'd have to deliver in front of the class as I'm handling a speech class. Thursday afternoon, while waiting for my students to give me a copy of their speech via e-mail, I came across Jase's message. I was surprised to find him volunteering a piece that he himself wrote. This guy did magnificent work in my book because he went through the trouble of goint the extra mile when the others simply took shortcuts.

Aside from that fact, his piece somehow felt as if it's talking to me. Thanks Jase for giving me the permission to post it in my blog!

Everyone has a dream of having their own family; you, me, the guy outside and especially ma’am Childa (one of their other professors). But dreams have the nasty habit of ending up as nightmares when you’re not looking. Nightmares that haunt us every single day.

You sacrifice & compromise, but in the end you realize that things between you and your partner can’t work out. Not because you failed to give it your all, but because you simply refuse to believe that you two are meant to be. Something that we may never understand but have to accept.

Girls cry, boys deny while the lonely dies. Some simply move on, the others get depressed while the rest get even. But in the end, we all lose a part of ourselves. Most of us wonder why these nightmares occur, but does anyone ever ask why do dreams come true when they do?

Do you ever thank Him when your dreams come true? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But isn’t it that we tend to forget about Him when we’re happy and come running back to Him when we’re down?

Have you ever thought about blaming yourself for letting things get out of hand instead of passing the buck? Ever tried taking responsibility for your actions instead of coming up with an excuse every single time?

Everything that we experience happens for a reason and we should learn from what He is throwing at us. We must realize that we are never given dreams without having the power to make them come true.

But always bear in mind that what we can’t all have what we want. Imagine if everyone had what they wanted. Every guy would have Jessica, Lindsay and or Jenna Jameson as their wives, a 12-inch dick with a muscular body and a mansion in their privately owned secluded island with a garage full of exotic cars while the women would get Brad, Tom or Peter North as their husbands, their own Macy’s, a 36, 24, 36 body and a pussy as tight as a virgin so their hubbies would not get bored with them.

And let’s not forget everyone’s favorite, MONEY! Wouldn’t life be boring if everyone had what they wanted? Try watching the Stepford Wives! That is why He made life adventurous, wild & unexpected, so that we wouldn’t get bored.

Now you may ask, how does one get to be happy when their dreams don’t come true? That’s easy! The happiest of people doesn’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Dianetics Schmianetics

2005-09-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, my best friend from high school, D, managed to get me out of the house despite my having planned that day to be dedicated to my laundry. I got a call from her around 11:30 am and informed me of the Dianetics seminar that they'll be having over at the Traders Hotel in Roxas Boulevard in about one and a half hours. I told her that I have domestic duty calling but was able to win me over when she said that our other friends Cher and Zarah will be attending the seminar as well. I got excited as I haven't seen them in ages and I wanted to talk to them as well for a birthday bash/despidada that I have in mind for our friend Lea who's about to leave for the States and would probably stay there for good.

By the time 1 pm came, I was already dressed and took a cab to take me to the venue. I live nearby so it was no surprise that I got to the Traders Hotel before anyone else in my high school group. I brought with me the Dianetics book that I borrowed from D but never managed to read it in the almost 2 months that the book was in my possession :D Anyhoo, that proved to be an auspicious decision as the book served as my free ticket to the seminar because otherwise, I would've had to shell out Php500 for the entrance fee. I went to the registration table and proceeded to save seats for my friends.

Cher and Zarah arrived around 2 pm because of the long travel time (both of them came from Marikina) and wait time (I forgot who arrived late in their rendezvous point). They didn't really miss much because what transpired during the first hour was the introduction of Dianetics.

I came in with an open mind as I was curious about what Scientology and Dianetics is all about. At first, what the Australian speaker was saying was acceptable, at least in my belief system. He tells us about painful (physical, mental, emotional) and traumatic events having a very negative impact on a person's psyche. I agree with that because it is but natural for the body to come up with a defense mechanism against future instances of whatever that painful or traumatic event is. He then proceeded to tell us about the power of suggestion via words. I agree with that concept as well because words, in themselves contain energy. Shortly afterwards, he explained to us the dichotomy of the Analytical and the Reactive mind and its relationship to psychosomatic disorders. Okay, I think I believe in that somewhat.

The speaker's next statement raised a red flag in my mind when he claimed that ulcer, arthritis and asthma are psychosomatic disorders that auditing can cure. 'Is this guy on crack or something?' I thought. Okay, sure, it maybe true for some people with hyperactive imagination but what about people who habitually skips their meals which in turn causes the stomach's hydrochloric acid to eat away the stomach's lining? What about the people who got heriditary diseases? My dad's side of the family is notorious for gout being prevalent in their male members, my dad included having witnessed him go through the pain of gout twice or thrice in the last couple of years. My cousins got their ashtma from their mom. No wonder Tom Cruise is just whack!

For the last part of the seminar, they taught all the participants how to do a procedure that they call 'Auditing.' It's basically going through traumatic and painful incidents in your life while you're fully conscious (albeit with your eyes closed) to "reduce" the situation so that the negative engram (the side effect of having that painful/traumatic experience) would be obliterated. In the process, you become like a CSI going through everything, examining all the minute details of what your senses tell you. They have this assumption that even if you're knocked unconscious, your other senses such as hearing and touch becomes greater in the temporary absence of vision.

Watching the video of an auditing was amazing, at the time I was viewing it. When it came to putting into practice the theory. it did not work for me. I had a hard time recalling the sequence of events of a traumatic experience that happened when I was in high school some 10 years ago let alone recalling the minute details that the auditor is asking for. It was so ineffective that I got my friend and my auditor Cher to collode into pretending that we were still doing the damn exercise when in fact we were already chatting.

When we were done, members of the Church of Scientology kept on asking me to write a success story. When I told them that it didn't work, they asked me to do the auditing process a second time. Didn't work either. Al (D's friend) came to where I and Cher were seated. When he asked me how it was, I told him the truth and that made him propagandiza at lenght. What he did annoyed me to the point that I finally snapped at D's close friend, the man responsible for bringing the Church of Scientology to the country.

I took a cab with Zarah and Cher on our way home. I explained to them my side of the story. First point - I have the right to say no (with regards to the success story) and they can't make me do anything that I don't want to do. Second point - I hate hypocrites. I would rather come out as bitchy or in their case, someone with a reactive mind as big as Jupiter than to play along with what they wanted to hear from me. Third point - I've already made up my mind about Auditing not working for me. The mind is such a powerful thing that what whatever you think would happen. Since my thoughts are focused on the fact that Auditing just doesn't work for me, there is no amount of energy in the world that would change the outcome. Al, of all people, should know that!

Newbie's First Day

2005-09-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

Last night is my first night as a newbie to the Executive Toastmasters Club and it was such a blast. I was somewhat nervous as I didn't really know anybody and Cathy texted me about a couple of hours earlier that she wouldn't be able to make it in time for the meeting due to her being swamped at work. I made it a point to be in the venue early as I still have to find the specific room where the meeting is going to be held and I had to settle as well my membership fees. I arrived at the Manila Peninsula Hotel around a little past 6:20 and found Crytabel, the incumbent president, at the front of house while Gina and her guest's already seated inside the Recto Function Room.

A couple of minutes later, more and more people started to arrive and we introduced ourselves to each other - there was Rexy, Conrad, Sukhoman (aka Pinky), Irene, Majeed, Khris, Owen, Patrick, Cathy the accountant and a couple of guests from Proctor and Gamble who were shopping around for clubs that could join. Last night's line-up was still missing a couple of people and Pinky asked me if I could be the Ah Counter. I immediately said yes without any hessitation which coincided with that night's theme of "Taking the Plunge."

Things went very smoothly for me from the start to the end of the program. Dinner was wonderful as well although it was kind of pricey - Php 680 for Chicken with Risotto and Vegetables with Seafood Bisque. Overall, I was happy and relieved at the same time because I apparently did a good job with my first task. During the introduction of the club members to each other and to the guests, I was able to commit myself into doing the Icebreaker (Speech project number 1) in the next meeting which is about a forthnight from last night. I've been thinking about what my icebreaker would be since the first time I went to the Executive Toastmasters Club meeting about a month ago and I now have a fairly good idea of my topic and my structure so I better get started if I want to deliver a magnificent performance two weeks from now..

Not A Damper

2005-08-30T03:27:00.000-07:00

My confidence was at an all-time high last Saturday because of the Intuitive Tarot Card Reading Seminar that I attended. First, because I got in for free. The first time they held the event, I was just hanging out in AWHAI's office to wait for my dad as he was enrolled in the seminar. I was there to hitch a ride home with my dad and sat in one corner minding my business as I was tired after coming there (at AWHAI) from work. I was surprised when Tita Jo, my Reiki master and as well as my dad's, called me and gestured for me to join them. I initially thought that I'd be the guinea pig for one of the students taking the course. It was only much later on that I found out that Tita Jo paid for the seminar fee. When the seminar ended, the facilitator Nouel asked me to come back the next time the seminar would be offered as I was only able to catch the last quarter of the lecture and exercises.

Second reason, everything just seemed like it fell into place. Saturdays, I'm usually in Pampanga because of my job but last week was very different. My dad only gave me a couple of days notice about the new schedule for the seminar. I planned to be absent on that particular day and was thinking of a good excuse when I got a text message from Angel around 5 pm last Friday. She told me that there wasn't any available driver for the next day to take us to Pampanga and that they had to cancel it. Whew, that certainly saved me from committing an act that would disrupt my good karma.

Third, I found out that I'm actually good at Tarot card reading. The method that Nouell taught me certainly worked for me although I still need a lot of practice and a lot of readings are needed for me to master this new craft I'm involved in. It felt weird at first because I'm not sure if what I'm saying to the person that I'm reading for is true. I was rather apprehensive because the way I got my 'readings' was through impressions of the cards when I hear from other people that they got their's from a voice inside their head. It's certainly a good way off from what they show in the tv or in the movies. My hesitation and doubt was greatly allayed when I got the feedback from a couple of people that my reading is accurate with every activity that we did.

I was supposed to write about this one damper that happened over the weekend but I just forgot about it upon reminiscing how much fun I had. Oh well, at least changing my title isn't so hard.

Freaky

2005-08-29T01:09:00.000-07:00

I was in Makati early Saturday morning (I was there around 7:30 am) for my Intuitive Tarot Card Reading class at AWHAI (Alternative Wholistic Healing Arts Inc)'s office in Cityland Tower Valero. Nobody was there when I got to the building so I just waited near the elevator. 15 mins went by with no sign of anybody coming soon so I texted my dad and it was only then that I found out that the schedule has been moved from 8 to 9 am. My dad, on the other hand, forgot about giving me a heads up. I was quite annoyed because I could've spent 1 1/2 hours more in bed. Anyway, I decided to go down the street and hang out at Starbucks to grab something to eat as I didn't really have anything to do.

After getting my Mango Tea and my chocolate eclair from the counter, I proceeded to the second floor and positioned myself in the couch next to the window so that I could see my dad's vehicle if he's already in the area. I was busy looking at nothing when this girl that was crossing the street caught my eye. She was wearing a red shirt and shoulder-lenght hair that was wavy towards the end. I was surprised to see Cathy walking past where I was so I called her to let know I'm nearby and hoped that we'd get to chat for an hour or two since it's been ages since I last saw her.

Three rings later, I hear Cathy's voice on the other line and it sounded a little groggy. I asked her where she was and I was just dumbfounded - she's in Pagsanjan with Tom! I told her about seeing her cross the street and we were both freaked out because what I saw was her doppelganger! If I only had the chance and the opportunity to locate where she was headed so I could talk to her and maybe schedule an appointment between her and Cathy.

I wish I'd see her again. It was amazing because she looked exactly like Cathy - from the hairstyle to her lithe figure. Cathy and I, at this point, are brewing up a thousand and one conspiracy theories on why there's a carbon copy of her walking around the metropolis. We're certainly anxious about solving the mystery once and for all.

The Book of Erotica

2005-08-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

About a week and a half ago, I didn’t go to work because I woke up with a fever and a major hang-over. The day before, I was over at Miguel’s crib together with our students (Miguel’s a co-worker) from the School of Journalism – they threw a despedida in his honor as Miguel was set to resign by the following week. As expected, there was a lot of booze and pot and about a dozen pieces of Valium. Our student JP appointed himself as the bartender and started to work on his concoction as soon as we got to Miguel’s flat – one Red Horse Grande, a small bottle of gin and some pineapple juice mix. It tasted weird at first but I eventually got the hang of the taste. To make a long story short, I’ve had a lot of fun ;p

Anyhoo, I felt so sick the next day that I had to stay in the bathroom for an hour or two. I sat in a corner in a crouched position, my back leaning against the door and I was only a couple of steps away from the toilet bowl. I was throwing up a lot and I just couldn’t remember the last time that I felt so miserable. JP’s concoction (I don’t know what he calls it) was smooth but it was a major killer.

I couldn’t sleep anymore when I got back to my bed so I decided to browse up on my reading. I remember that I still have the book that Jewel lent to me so I grabbed it from my shelf and started to devour the book. I spent the entire weekend in bed “recuperating” reading excerpts from the world’s most erotic pieces. Having a very active imagination, I was able to picture in my head what was happening to the characters with every line and with every page. I was in such a state of arousal that I just cannot not pleasure myself. What a way to recuperate!

My favorites from “Sensuous Highlights from the World’s Most Erotic Pieces” would have to be Henry Miller’s autobiography entitled “My Life and Loves” and another piece called “Sin for Breakfast (I forgot who the author was).” The former is a narration of all his sexual conquests starting from his teenage years with E, his married American lover until Sophie, the hot African-American chic that was exceptional in the technique department. The latter, on the other hand, is a fictional story about a man reading his wife’s journal on all her extra-marital affairs.

The excerpt that I liked the least was that of Cassanova. I find the manner of his writing too artsy-fartsy for a man reputedly to be one of the world’s best lovers, if not THE best. It was way too detailed (normally, it is good for such the erotica genre) but in his case, it just made his work too dragging.

Anyhoo, I’m now on the hunt for a copy of India’s “The Perfumed Garden” which is very similar to the Kama Sutra. Next on my reading list would be Anne Rice’s The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, Beauty’s Punishment and Beauty’s Release after I finish Holy Blood, Holy Grail.

The New White House Executive Chef

2005-08-17T00:39:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what I'm thinking by posting this but I thought this piece of info is kind of interesting. I was, as usual, watching the news over the internet (I know, it's kind of oxymoronic) when I came across the clip about the new White House Executive Chef. Surprisingly, the one appointed to the job is a naturalized American citizen named Cristeta Comerford. I initially thought that it must be a Filipina because who else in the world would dare name their kid Cristeta? Turns out, I was right. The reporter mentioned at the end of the reportage that she was born in the Philippines.

I did some further research and found out that she was a Food Tech graduate from UP, worked in Vienna (Austria), two hotels in Washington and was employed as an Assistant Chef at the White House for 10 years. What I'm not sure of though, is why she left the country. With the family name that she now carries, by virtue of deductive reasoning, points to the conclusion that she married a foreigner.

This is definitely good news as it shows some of the best people, professionals at that, that the Philippines can offer. On the other hand, it also deeply saddens me as it somehow gives me the impression that it indirectly points to the problem of not having enough jobs, or it there is - they're usually not of good quality, in the country since I could remember.

Back in grade school, the phrase "brain drain" stuck in my head before I could even fully grasp the meaning behind the concept. Just last month, I was able to read a Time magazine article that heralds migrant workers as the Philippines' biggest export, surpassing material things such as electronic goods by such a wide margin.

With the current situation that the Philippines is facing - polical instability, oil price hike followed by the price increase of basic commodities - I can't blame people for wanting to bail and live somewhere else on another part of the world. In fact, our company driver, Kuya Edgar, is counting the days until his girlfriend flies to Washington to be a school teacher. My friend Lea will be flying to the United States by next month and all of us in our high school posse are assuming that we'll probably never see her again. My other friend Cher, also from my high school posse, is fixing her papers to work in the States as an Occupational Therapist.

Tsk, tsk, tsk...what'll happen to the Philippines if everybody leaves? I can't help but think about the general populace who will suffer because of the lack of primary caregivers (such as nurses), teachers and the like as all of them have already migrated to the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, New Zealand or the Middle East.

What the F*ck?!?

2005-08-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

Sh*t! What have I gotten myself into? I'm inside the SJ Lab 1 in the middle of class pretending to listen to the students' presentations. I'm here on an observer status, learning the ropes while Miguel still has the time to orient me on my new challenge - handling a class...a college class at that!

Miguel's been handing the students from our company's School of Journalism since the classes started earlier this year. Now that he's resigning, I'm the one that got temporarily assigned to take his place. I reacted like a deer caught in headlights - eyes wide with disbelief. I don't teach. I'm not qualified to teach. I can't teach for crying out loud! This isn't real. Then can't be serious about giving me this assignment. Sure I can talk the talk (which is with a natural American accent) but I don't think I'm fit to teach!

I walk into SoJ's Admin Room, greeted the administrator Dr. Boares and told her I'm Miguel's replacement. She was dumbfounded and was immediately in a state of hysteria as soon as I uttered those words. It was only this morning that she found out about today being Miguel's last day. She was extremely annoyed by the fact that Miguel began introducing me to his class as his replacement last Friday without their knowledge. She started to talk in tongues in front of me asking for my resume and my credentials to teach. At the back of my mind, I'm thinking I don't have any credentials to speak of, only the instructions from the powers that be, at least in my company.

We immediately called Ms. Ress, our HR manager and tried to sort the situation. She told us the last time she talked to Miguel, he committed to continue teaching until the end of the semester (last day's September 23). When I talked to Miguel, he told me that he wasn't able to receive any offer sheets as an SoJ faculty member after his resignation from TMTLI takes effect so he assumed he don't need to show up for the rest of the sem after today. To make matters even more complicated, he already has a plane ticket back to Hong Kong on the 22nd or the 23rd.

I don't know how this'll play out in the end but I sure hope I won't be stuck in the middle of it just because Miguel's too fucking hard headed and management's too pre-occupied by a thousand things. I meet with the HR manager for further instruction or if they have a resolution for the ruckus at hand but nada.

After an hour or two, Ms. Ress barges in the facilitator's room and dropped another bombshell on me - I'll take my boss Mike's place at the meeting with ABS-CBN's Director for their Talent Center about our company's partnership by tomorrow Tuesday. Holy f*%#@^$ piece of sh?t! This is way out of my league!!!

7 Things

2005-08-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Seven things that scare you:
1. cockroaches (especially the ones that fly)
2. big, hairy spiders
3. not being good enough
4. having a lot of regrets when I'm old & wrinkly
5. being stuck in an elevator full of people and I’m high ‘cuz I get claustrophobic
6. ?
7. ?

Seven things you like the most:
1. shopping!!!
2. my cell phone
3. flirting
4. snogging & …
5. mah friends!!!!!
6. mah books (especially my Emily the Strange stuff)
7. my laptop

Seven important things in your room:
1. kikay kit
2. CD player
3. books
4. wardrobe (especially my shoes)
5. fave fleece blanket
6. bean bag
7. sex drawer

Seven random facts about you:
1. The first impression that people get of me is I’m very shy and quiet
2. I tend to accumulate too much sh*t
3. I love to travel
4. I love a good bargain especially if it has something to do with expanding my wardrobe
5. I have 7 piercings in my right ear, only 1 on my left
6. I have 2 tattoos near the base of my spine
7. I’m addicted to blogging (www.diamondblue.blogspot.com)

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. raise a kid or two and make sure they’re not as neurotic as me
2. not leave a debt for my kin to pay due to my being shopaholic
3. tie up all the loose ends with those that I have karmic ties to
4. go to Egypt and visit all the places with a connection to mummies
5. know how to read the hieroglyphs
6. write for a newspaper/magazine
7. learn how to move my bootie

Seven things you can do:
1. sew (either manual or by using a machine)
2. crochet
3. bake (it’s better than my cooking)
4. name the capitals of the countries of the world
5. lock myself up in my room for days to read books
6. shop til I drop
7. be the laziest person on earth

Seven things you can't do:
1. get hitched
2. dance (I got 2 left feet)
3. sing
4. go to the gym (I’d rather work out at home)
5. explain grammatical rules to other people
6. swim
7. be unpunctual or be awol for work

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:(in no particular order)
1. intelligence
2. someone that I enjoy talking to a lot
3. knows how to use his tool
4. great eyes
5. well-rounded (not too serious, not too happy-go-lucky)
6. asks for directions when he’s lost
7. I like them a little healthy so they’re huggable like a teddy bear ;p

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign)
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Scarlet Johanssen
3. John Cusack
4. Maksim
5. Clive Owen
6. Harrison Ford
7. Portia de Rossi

Seven people you want to see to take this quiz:
1. Cathy
2. Kestrel
3. Ada
4. Lala
5. Racqs
6. Jen
7. Angel